Written with fury, beauty and profound bravery. ( )

I absolutely loved this book from start to finish. It was a little different from other memoirs on rape I have read in that the author did research for this book and inserted her comments on various studies and court cases that came out while she was going through her "journey." This is a great book and the author has some excellent insights. ( )

Considering whether or not to hide

"Throw away the lights, the definitions
And say of what you see in the dark" - Wallace Stevens

"Speech is civilization itself. The word . . . preserves contact - it is silence which isolates." - Thomas Mann

Following her rape, this author became a completely different person, a person who lived "with sudden fear the way others live with cancer. The fear was always there." It took seven years before she could begin writing about her experience. She states that the anniversary of her rape "was more significant than my own birthday, and yet there was only silence . . . I had become, the one who marked her anniversaries in silence . . . Could I celebrate my survival in silence and alone? Not according to Webster's, which defines the verb "to celebrate" this way: "to perform (a sacrament or solemn ceremony) publicly and with appropriate rites" . . . It pained my family and friends to remember. To acknowledge my experience might bring up what they hoped I had forgotten . . . for me to remind them that I had not forgotten seemed unkind, even cruel, because I knew they needed to believe I had. Our rite was, therefore, silence."

"I thought about Wittgenstein's observation that the limits of language are the limits of reality. Was rape off limits to our most distinctly human attribute - language? . . . I could no longer consent to silence."

Another friend and rape victim asked her, "How do I tell people who don't know, people who might become close friends? If I don't tell them, it makes it a secret, like something to be ashamed of. When I do tell them, they make it worse. They never ask me about it. It'a a part of me, part of who I am now, but they don't want to know about it. It's no-win. Just no-win."

"But silence has the rusty taste of shame. The words 'shut up' are the most terrible words I know. I cannot hear them without feeling cold to the bone. The man who raped me spat those words out over and over during the hours of my attack - when I screamed when I tried to talk him out of what he was doing, when I protested . . . The real shame, as I have learned, is to consent to them."

So she wrote an essay "Returns of the Day" in The New York Times Magazine in 1994. In response "Without exception, all of the letters from survivors described the isolation of the aftermath of rape, its life-altering transfromations."

"The victims of rape must carry their memories with them for the rest of their lives. They must not also carry the burden of silence and shame."

If you have friend or family member dealing with these issues (and the odds are that you do), here are other books that are also excellent on this and related topics, "Lucky" & "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold, & "Siolence" edited by Susan McMaster - all written by women. Rape victims and victims of relationship violence and abuse often hide their experiences and the behaviors of their abusers, feeling ashamed for even being involved with the abusive patterns. All of these books suggest women become more free and mentally at ease when they realize there is nothing to be ashamed of about being victimized. And they suggest the causes of our silences and the things we hide probably deserve more attention, new perspectives, and reconsideration. ( )