Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life (1955)

I enjoyed this journey to accept the love of God. Some of my favorite quotes include:
I was now by no means unhappy; but I had very definitely formed the opinion that the universe was, in the main, a rather regrettable institution.
A young man who wishes to remain a sound Atheist cannot be too careful of his reading. There are traps everywhere
The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation. ( )

In this short memoir, C. S. Lewis describes his spiritual journey from youthful atheist to firm and faithful believer. This isn't so much a memoir of Lewis' life, although it does contain some interesting anecdotes about his school years, he only focuses on incidents in his life that impacted his spiritual development. I have read many spiritual development memoirs, and this one is like the others...only it stands out because it is a classic--It was written when these types of journeys were not as commonly shared in memoirs. (In fact, I suspect that this book inspired so many of the spiritual-journey memoirs that we see today.) One thing I found interesting about this book is it explained to me why so many people retro-diagnose Lewis with Asperger's syndrome. He talked about his difficulties dealing with other students...not knowing how to respond in social situations...being told to "take that look off {his} face" when he was trying very hard to keep an appropriate facial expression. I think it is important to recognize that we can't accurately retro-diagnose people with today's syndromes, but it IS interesting to see how such personality traits were present in Lewis' day, and how he excused them with stories about how childhood events affected his social interactions. It was definitely an interesting read...and anyone who likes to hear about others' spiritual journeys really should start with C. S. Lewis. ( )

Philosophy is not a subject, it is a way of living - i. e. for the brave!
Lewis´ conversion to Christianity is a modern retelling of the story of Jacob´s fight with the Angel. With his head very much sleeping on a stone the fight was to last for years. But Lewis was not able to run from the questions raised and debated through the inborn dialectics that is our common human heritage since we took the fruit of knowledge. He sets out to explore imaging in all its possible meanings; aknowledges along the way all the roads fantasy can bring us on, including the sexual, occult and magical. He finds that they all leave him unfulfilled, they do not bring joy like the joy unexpected existential bliss brings when the horizon suddenly opens up, not leaving your ordinary world as a dreary place, but spills into it, in fact have a firm anchorage in and on earth, glimpses of joy that neither sex nor the occult or magical can replace.

God was not the obvious solution for Lewis. A seasoned dialectician, the fight was long and hard. He fought theism and Christianity until he was caught up in "an undebateable reality." We know the outcome of the conclusion he reached; To Lewis philosophy was not a subject, but a way of living, he had to continue fighting, his weapon being the Word, bending fantasy to becoming the most unlikely soldier for the ultimate human(e) reality. ( )

It's been quite a few years since I read this book, and I now have a far different worldview than I did when I read it, but this book continues to interest me as I continue to be interested in the possibility of and nature of religious experiences. It is no longer fresh in my mind what he wrote and, considering I read it back in High School, there was much that he discussed that probably meant nothing to me then that would mean something to me now. But that's why I'm writing this review with it as a distant memory, I want to talk about what was in the book that stuck with me.

There exists a feeling that comes upon people at some times. I do not know if it comes to all people – though I have no reason for supposing that it is available to some men and not others, barring the possibility that it has to be prompted by certain environmental factors that some people may not be exposed to – what is important is that the feeling exists. In my opinion, the discussion of this feeling, which Lewis calls “joy” is the greatest contribution this book makes. If you are a Christian, this book is valuable as a discussion of some part of human nature that cries out for another world. If you are an atheist, this book is valuable as an example of some peculiarity of human psychology that leads people to search for God.

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing.” (A quote from Mere Christianity, which I imagine was a reference to the desire that Lewis came to call “joy”)

You will get plenty of discussion about the rampant homosexuality in the school Lewis was sent to (which was largely a result of Lewis's own overly-sexual and overly-suspicious view of his peers. His older brother was baffled by his portrayal of their school), you will get information about Lewis's time with Kirkpatrick where he began to put on intellectual muscle from a very logical, literal, and precise teacher, you will read about him enduring time as a soldier in World War I, him attaining a prestigious teaching post, and plenty about his love for mythology – especially Norse mythology. You won't find many logical proofs about what led him to Christianity. You won't get a list of facts that Lewis took into account to determine that Christianity was more likely than otherwise. The book would be worse if he included them, as they would detract from the main contribution the book makes: the personal and subjective account of what led a reasonable and intelligent man to place his faith in Christ, and his account of an experience of longing and desire called Joy.

If you put aside the pretenses of commitment to facts and evidence that both sides posture with, you will get an glimpse of what can really move an intelligent man to faith – whether or not you consider a move to faith to be an improvement. Or, perhaps just as likely, you yourself may have felt what Lewis called Joy: a bittersweet longing and desire, in which case this book will give you an opportunity to read how he reacted to that experience. Or maybe you think Lewis is just a ridiculous man, well, he certainly won't change your mind here, but you might find some opportunities to laugh at him if that's how you get your kicks. If religious experiences and conversion stories interest you, or if you are interested in Lewis in general, I highly recommend the book. If your main interest is apologetics, I advise skipping this one.

[As a general caution, I would recommend reading this book as events that happened in C. S. Lewis's life – as Jack would want you to believe them. This book was nicknamed “Suppressed by Jack” among those intimate with the details of Lewis's life. That's not to say it is not valuable, merely that it should not be taken as true, at least as far as it concerns Lewis's account of his external circumstances. If you want his biography, you can look up George Sayer's book Jack. This book is more valuable for insight into Lewis's internal development.] ( )

This introduction to the life of C. S. (Jack) Lewis goes into great detail about the imaginary worlds he and his brother created as young children in Belfast and his boarding school experiences. He was not in a particularly religious family but he had unlimited access to the many books his father collected. He valued his solitude and "hours of golden reading." He immersed himself in the world of the Norse gods and developed a dual inner-outer life, although he repeatedly reminds the reader that he never mistook imagination for reality.

The turning point in his young life came when his mother died of cancer. He was only 9 years old at the time and his world was further turned upside down when he was sent to boarding school in England only one month after her death. This was the boarding school from hell. It was here that he began to seriously read the Bible and spent hours in prayer, perhaps to get relief from the brutal headmaster who was later declared insane. Prayers were answered and he changed school two years later. It was at Malvern prep school that he dabbled in the occult and dropped his Christian ideals "with the greatest relief" but still struggled with contradictory feelings. While he believed God did not exist, he was angry at Him for not existing and for creating the world in the first place!

The purpose of writing this book was to relate his conversion experience. The many influences on Jack's life make for interesting reading, though the time spent in WWI and his early teaching career at Oxford are glossed over. Mostly, this is a book about the friends and "glories of literature" that slowly led him from the early path of his "stabs" of joy that he called an "unsatisfied desire which is more desirable than any other satisfaction" to the point of decision where "the great Angler played His fish and I never dreamed that the hook was in my tongue." It was in 1929 that Jack Lewis finally "gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England." ( )