The author of this funny, campy guide to feminine excess (
Cosmo meets
On Our Backs) succeeds brilliantly in laying down the fundamentals of Femme Shartopia, with hints on developing your own dreamy Queendom, replete with pink satin, go-go boots, and long genuine fingernails. "To grow your own nails," our guide explains, "you will need the following supplies: fiber strengthener, smoother, color, top coat (optional), orange stick, polish remover, cotton swabs." Don't despair. She goes on to detail the best ways to use those nails to drive your butch or femme partner to distraction. Other highlights include a recipe for the perfect martini--sorry, Shartini--as well as instructions on how to polish patent leather and revive Draggin' Disco Legs. Attitude, grooming, and relationships get equal time, and the author devotes many pages to the joys of true friendship. "I had one of my first S/M experiences with my friend Christina," she confides. "She lay me down on her kitchen floor and, while holding my spread legs down with hers, smeared wax over my bikini line, then ripped off the strips to the piercing din of my screams. Now
that's sisterhood."
--Regina Marler 
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