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Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to…

Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

by Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté

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Some great ideas in here. Think about relationships and positive attachment through connection as helping an adolescent grow up in a safe environment. Peer pressure might be positive, but why leave it to chance. ( )
  deldevries | Jan 31, 2016 |
To Julie. May 2014
  c_why | May 29, 2014 |
Just started it, no surprise here. For years "professionals" have told us how to parent our kids and kids are not better off for it. Glad I didn't listen.Attachment parenting validated, nice for a change. ( )
  Mirkwood | May 10, 2013 |
I was disappointed in this book, which had such amazing reviews on Amazon. While I agreed with the authors' overall premise about the importance of attachment relationships with parents and adults throughout childhood, I just could not go as far as he did about the insidious nature of childhood friends. He does not believe that children are developmentally mature enough to have friends in the sense that adults define them - this may be true of some children, but the authors fail to provide any wiggle room for kids who may fall somewhere outside of normal developmental models. He also does not believe that "spirited" or "intense" children exist outside of failed attachment relationships . . . as the mama of a so-called gifted kid who is a poster child for Dabrowski's excitabilities (the good and the bad), I just didn't appreciate being called on the carpet for what he perceives as allowing peers to influence my kid while I have lost my natural authority to parent. It rubbed me the wrong way as a homeschooling, supportive and - pretty damn attached - parent.

That being said, some of his "connect then redirect" tips in the third part of the book. ( )
  beckydj | Mar 31, 2013 |
An excellent books for parents of children of all ages to read. Presents the concepts of collecting your children. Discusses the power of peer pressure and how to counteract it. Well worth reading again and discussing with others. ( )
  MarthaL | Sep 26, 2009 |
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Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
Gordon Neufeldprimary authorall editionscalculated
Maté, Gabormain authorall editionsconfirmed
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0375760288, Paperback)

A psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting issues joins forces with a physician and bestselling author to tackle one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time -- peers replacing parents in the lives of our children.

Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident -- as do the solutions.

Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards a source of authority, contact and warmth.

Something has changed. One can sense it, one can feel it, just not find the words for it. Children are not quite the same as we remember being. They seem less likely to take their cues from adults, less inclined to please those in charge, less afraid of getting into trouble. Parenting, too, seems to have changed. Our parents seemed more confident, more certain of themselves and had more impact on us, for better or for worse. For many, parenting does not feel natural. Adults through the ages have complained about children being less respectful of their elders and more difficult to manage than preceding generations, but could it be that this time it is for real? -- from Hold On to Your Kids

From the Hardcover edition.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:16:11 -0400)

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Hold On To Your Kids explores the trend of peers replacing parents in the lives of children. It explains the causes of this crucial breakdown of parental influence - and offers compassionate, commonsense solutions.

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