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The civility solution by P. M. Forni

The civility solution (2008)

by P. M. Forni

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This is an excellent book that describes why people are rude, how it affects people, and what to do about it. This type of book should be in the professional collections of a workplace.

Working in a service industry, this would be an essential book to read on how to handle and diffuse rude situations. It even provides hypothetical scenarios in the second half of the book. I would re-word some of the text in actual usage, not so much in the actual words used, but in how it is presented. I think another review said it sounded patronizing and I would agree. If presented differently, using the same carefully crafted words so that it doesn't escalate the situation, would be just as helpful.

I think this book had the best description on what causes rudeness
When people are Stressed, Unhappy, Rushed they become rude. There were some other excellent descriptions of what causes rudeness:

Individualism and lack of restraint (I'm more important than you or the group)
Inflated Self-worth
Low Self-worth
Mental Health Problems
Not needing others

What does rudeness do?
It adds to stress
It erodes self-esteem
It is bad for all kinds of relationships
It poisons the workplace
It escalates into violence

Eight Rules for a civil life
1. Slow down and be present in your life
2. Listen to the voice of empathy
3. Keep a positive attitude'
4. Respect others and grant them plenty of validation
5. Disagree graciously and refrain from arguing
6. Get to know the people around you
7. Pay attention to the small things
8. Ask, don't tell

How to improve your likability quotient
Set the mood, draw people out, be predictable (loyal and dependable), criticize thoughtfully, do not wait for people to ask for your help, appreciate what others do for you, never say anything mean spirited.

In dealing with rudeness:

State the facts
Inform the other person of the impact he or she had on you
Request that the hurtful behavior not be repeated ( )
  shadowofthewind | Aug 28, 2012 |
Our America is just crying out for a book like that. We Americans are rude. Have we always been this way? Or is it just our increased number of human interactions that make for more rudeness. In any case, Forni takes on every possible case of rudeness and proposes what we are to do about it. His fundamental approach: confrontation, albeit gentle confrontation. His solutions did not seem plausible to me. I find it almost impossible to imagine that someone who spits in public would completely change their behavior when approached by a stranger and gently scolded. I found him to be on spot when he spoke about things we can do in our own lives to rein in our own rude behaviors. He suggests that we slow down, become empathetic, remain positive, respect others, disagree graciously, become familiar with those around us, watch small things in our lives, and ask rather than telling. ( )
  debnance | Jan 29, 2010 |
About: How to handle rude folks in a multitude of situations

Pros: Quick read, interesting, includes many "scripts" of example situations and responses.

Cons: Life rarely goes according to script. Quotes that open each chapter are usually from people you've never heard of. Doesn't cover technologies newer than e-mail, such as IM. ( )
  charlierb3 | Jun 27, 2008 |
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Precisely because rudeness is quite common, it is not a trivial issue. Indeed, in our day-to-day lives it is possibly responsible for more pain than any other mortal failing.

-- Emrys Westacott
Our ability to deal with rudeness is somehow related to how we handle grief, and the series of steps that we go through in coping: shock, denial, anger, acceptance, and finally release. Of course the narrative for a loss occurs over a protracted period of time, while the rude encounter's narrative is far shorter.

-- James Bailey
To Virginia, always
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This is how Marci recalls the one encounter with rudeness that sticks in her mind. (Preface)
Eight tough weeks into my stint as a reluctant conscript in the Italian Army, I was not looking forward to another ten months in the stark isolation of my remote Alpine outpost.
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Book description
Wisdom and skills -- On rudeness -- Preventing rudeness : eight rules for a civil life -- Accepting real-life rudeness -- How to respond to rudeness -- Situations and solutions -- The near and not so dear : spouses, family, and friends -- The neighbors--noisy, nosy, and nice -- Workplace woes -- On the road, in the air, and aboard the train -- The world of service -- Digital communication.
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0312368496, Hardcover)

Many of us find ourselves confronted with rudeness every day and don’t know how to respond.  From the intrusive cell-phone user who holds loud conversations in public to the hostile highway driver who cuts one off with a quick swerve of his car, politeness seems to be on a downward spiral, surprising us at every turn. P.M. Forni, the author of Choosing Civility, has the answer. knows that rudeness begets rudeness and, in The Civility Solution, he shows us what to do when confronted with bad behavior by being assertive as well as civil. In more than one hundred different situations, he shows us how to break the rudeness cycle by responding to a variety of confrontations from bullying to rude internet behavior or the hurtful words of an insensitive family member.  How would you respond to the following?

…A salesperson ignores your requests

…A fellow driver gives you the infamous “finger”

…Your child’s playmate misbehaves 

…Your boss publicly reprimands you

P. M. Forni has solutions for all of these and many more.  In yet another simple and practical handbook, P. M. Forni presents logical solutions that reinforce good behavior and make our world a more civil place.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:18:51 -0400)

(see all 3 descriptions)

Presents real-world examples and strategic advice on how to conduct oneself when confronted with the rude behavior of others, in a guide that makes recommendations for breaking rude cycles by being both polite and assertive.

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