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Loading... You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation (2006)by Deborah Tannen
None. I found this book enlightening as to what goes on between my own daughter and myself and how misunderstandings arise in conversations. We all tend to listen and speak according to our own realities, and this book, written by the linguist Deborah Tannen offers understanding as to our behaviors. Man examples are given, from hundreds of interviews done by Ms.Tannen in the course of her teaching students about conversations and from many people that she encountered in various ways. Ms. Tanner also tells of her reactions to her mother and her interpretation of conversations, and explains how females tend to lean toward the father, at times shutting out the mother without knowing about it or meaning to do so. This book would be an excellent to give to any family member, mother, daughter or friend, as it opens up ways to communicate and understand each other in a more loving way. None of us wake up each morning to hurt a mother or a daughter, but along the way, a spoken word can be taken the wrong way, and without information found in this book, a relationship can become estranged rather than closer as the individuals age. What one individual says in a comment can be taken the wrong way by the other, and only the mother-daughter relationship comes with such powerful ammunition to blast the relationship wide open. Good reading, and a great gift for any female that you care about. (  ) bakersfieldbarbara | Apr 12, 2011 |  I enjoyed the ease of reading this book and it gave me much to think about regarding my relationship with my mother and why we don't always see eye to eye. I also think that there are ideas in this book that could apply to relationships with other women or sisters. ( ) eileenseverson | Jan 30, 2009 | This book was interesting, even fascinating. I love reading about why people think and act the way they do, and Tannen has made some amazing discoveries about why mothers and daughters interact the way they do. She also has some helpful suggestions. I enjoyed this book and I learned some things as well. ( ) BookAngel_a | Jul 13, 2008 | I have heard this book called Tannen's "least scholarly" to date. That is a shame. Certainly, this book does not delve into the specifics and technical details of linguistic analysis as much as her others do, but it does not pretend to. Tannen starts out explaining why she writes books that anyone can read. She calls herself a sociolinguist and then relegates the nuts and bolts of how she does her analysis to the background, concentrating instead on what the analysis means. And she does so with an aim--to help people understand a very common, and often contentious, relationship in a deeper and more loving way. Her penchant for the "aha factor" (if it's true, it will make you say "aha!") is certainly at work here, as any woman who reads this will recognise aspects of herself and her own family relationships. This is an emotionally moving work and one that acknowledges that the way people actually talk, which so many linguists prize their analyses of, is not the way we have to talk, and that by understanding what we do, we could in fact choose to do things differently. This is discourse analysis with a purpose: to benefit others, to bring people closer, to help the average person see things in another light. If that is not scholarly, that is a shame. Scholarship would do well to care as much about human relationships as Tannen clearly does. ( ) quaintlittlehead | Jun 5, 2008 | Relies a little too much on the daughter's point of view. (  ) VenusofUrbino | Nov 19, 2007 | no reviews | add a review
Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 081297266X, Paperback)Deborah Tannen's #1 New York Times bestseller You Just Don’t Understand revolutionized communication between women and men. Now, in her most provocative and engaging book to date, she takes on what is potentially the most fraught and passionate connection of women’s lives: the mother-daughter relationship.It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language–but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other’s power and underestimates her own. Why do daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other on the Big Three–hair, clothes, and weight–while longing for approval and understanding? And why do they scrutinize each other for reflections of themselves? Deborah Tannen answers these and many other questions as she explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman throughout her life, to the new technologies like e-mail and instant messaging that are transforming mother-daughter communication. Most important, she helps mothers and daughters understand each other, the key to improving their relationship. With groundbreaking insights, pitch-perfect dialogues, and deeply moving memories of her own mother, Tannen untangles the knots daughters and mothers can get tied up in. Readers will appreciate Tannen’s humor as they see themselves on every page and come away with real hope for breaking down barriers and opening new lines of communication. Eye-opening and heartfelt, You’re Wearing That? illuminates and enriches one of the most important relationships in our lives. “Tannen analyzes and decodes scores of conversations between moms and daughters. These exchanges are so real they can make you squirm as you relive the last fraught conversation you had with your own mother or daughter. But Tannen doesn't just point out the pitfalls of the mother-daughter relationship, she also provides guidance for changing the conversations (or the way that we feel about the conversations) before they degenerate into what Tannen calls a mutually aggravating spiral, a "self-perpetuating cycle of escalating responses that become provocations." – The San Francisco Chronicle From the Hardcover edition. (retrieved from Amazon Thu, 14 Feb 2013 13:59:17 -0500) Mothers and daughters do not speak different languages--but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other's power and underestimates her own. Tannen explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman throughout her life, to the new technologies that are transforming mother-daughter communication. Most important, she helps mothers and daughters understand each other, the key to improving their relationship.--From publisher description.… (more) |
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