Too Fat to Fish (2008)

If you are considering picking this book up and are expecting it to be funny, think again! This book is absolutely not funny. In fact, it is a steaming pile of misery and despair seasoned throughout with self deprecation.

The beginning is actually quite sweet; a picture of his idyllic suburban Newark childhood with a devoted and loving father who was his best pal. From about the age of 18 onward it was one huge roller coaster ride of living hell. Do I feel sorry for Artie Lange? No, not really. His hell is one of his own making, stoked up by his own horrible and usually selfish decisions over and over and over again. Do I empathize with and wish him well? Sure.

So, why the two stars? The writing wasn't bad. Admittedly (by Mr. Lange) the book was "co-written" with some dude who used to work for Rolling Stone and has "co-written" a couple of other books for recording artists. Ahem, I dare to say that Artie didn't "write" much of this book, but rather provided the material. Fine. Then it should have been FUNNY. Misery can be told in a way that is funny. Sedaris does it. Nearly all stand-up is relating misery in a very funny way. This book was NOT funny.

My other problem with it was it was so "kiss ass" at the end of every story was the (eventually expected), "But, so'n'so's such a great guy/gal, really great. He/she saved my life! I love you, ______" It reminded me of the drunk at the party you may not even know well, but they keep telling you how much they love you...in very slurred speech. Everyone the guy has met or worked with received this same blah blah blah (Apart from Tom Cruise and that Kelly person who is married to John Travolta...big shock there.) Maybe they are all the greatest people ever, that just makes me wonder why he is such a misery guts even more. I've worked with a LOT of wankers over the years, people you'd be tempted to wish ill, very very ill. So, if he's only ever been surrounded with all of these GREAT guys from the days on the docks to the Stern show...what the hell, man?

The only slightly funny bit was when the bookie is screaming at him and his buddy threatening to kill and rape a vast number of people; all the while with his Ash Wednesday cross on his head. I still never laughed out loud, or even chuckled. The story was too crowded around with horror and depression, it just couldn't break free. (Thanks for the Ash Wednesday education, Bun. Without it prior to reading this book, I wouldn't have understood the only slightly funny bit in it! I would have missed it altogether.)

If Artie "writes" another book, which he alludes to at the end of this one, I will not read it. I've had a close enough look at Mr. Lange, thank you. Quite close enough. ( )

Artie Lang is a big mess and funny as hell ( )

I love Artie, he seems like a sweet bear of a guy with a huge heart and lots of problems! It was sweet reading about him and his dad. Though the book was ok there was really not a whole lot in it that he hasnt told on the Stern show over the years. Glad I read it but it didnt knock my socks off. I think maybe the audio version would be funnier. ( )

If you love Artie, you'll love this book. If not . . . meh. I happen to love him, so I'm glad I made the "investment" (two day read, max.) Can't believe this guy is still living; I'm confused by his overabundant love for his family and friends and yet his hatred for himself. Seems like life keeps giving him gifts (jobs, fame, $$, etc.) and yet he just can't seem to keep on the right side of the road. If you have the choice, I've heard the audio version is great. ( )

Alternative title: "Too Fucking Stupid to Read". ( )