God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh. - Voltaire

Author's blessing

If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.
If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil.
If you seek adventure, may this story sing you away to blissful escape.
If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions.
All books revel perfection, by what they are or what they are not.
May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them.
May you find perfection, and know it by name.

You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.

I learned how to boil down goat urine to make explosives today.

Hi, I'm the Messiah, God wanted you to have this bacon.

I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something.