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Espedair Street by Iain M. Banks
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Espedair Street

by Iain M. Banks

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For Les, and all the People's Republic of Glenfinnan
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Two days ago I decided to kill myself.
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Guilt. The Big G, the Catholic faith's greatest gift to humankind and its subspecies, psychiatrists ... well, I guess that's putting it a little too harshly; I've met a lot of Jews, and they seem to have just as hard a time of it as we do, and they've been around longer, so maybe it wasn't the Church's invention ... but I maintain it developed the concept more fully than anybody else; it was the Japan of guilt, taking somebody else's product and mass-producing it, refining it, fine-tuning it, optimising its performance and giving it a life-time guarantee.
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