HUMBUG WITCH

     There was this WITCH… and all of her was small, except her nose.  That was very BIG. She had two crooked teeth and long, stringy red hair.  It was so long she kept tripping over it.

     She wore a slightly squashed, tall, black, pointed hat like Witches always wear, orange gloves, a hand knit black wool shawl, and old plaid apron, red and white striped stockings, and funny looking black shoes with buckles on them.  She had a good sturdy broom, and a black cat named Fred.

     You can see for yourself…She was truly a frightening looking, horrible, witchey, WITCH.

     But….When she tried to DO things, they never worked the way they were supposed to for witches.  Like when she wanted to laugh wickedly and scare everyone.  It never sounded “Cackle-Cackle-Cackle”.  It always sounded “Giggle-Giggle-Giggle.”  Or like when she wanted to go to Portugal, or Chicago, or to the next door neighbours, she would climb on her good sturdy broom and say all sorts of magic words, and wait a few minutes… and NOTHING would happen. Then she would jiggle her good sturdy broom and say more magic words, real LOUD and wait a l-o-n-g time….and still nothing would happen.  Nothing at all! The broom would not move an inch.

     When she wanted to turn Fred into an alligator, or a hippopotamus, or a candy bar, she would get down on her hands and knees and look Fred square in the eye and say all kinds of magic words, and wait…and wait…But Fred just stayed a cat!

      When she wanted to cook up a batch of Magic Potion, she would dump all the very best things in her very best kettle…Things like SOUR MILK, PAPRIKA, MOLASSES, PRUNE PITS, EGG SHELLS, HAIR TONIC, APPLE PEELINGS, PICKLE JUICE, CINNAMON, GENUINE RAINWATER, COUGH SYRUP, and PEANUT BUTTER.  And she would stir it, and stir it, and stir it.  And say all the magic words she could think of.  And….then she would stir it some more. It sizzled a little, but it never got smoky, or bubbly, or exploded like magic potions are supposed to do.  All it did was make Fred terribly sick to his stomach!

     She finally decided it was just no use!  She stood her good sturdy broom in the corner. She took off her funny looking black shoes with the buckles.  She took off her plaid apron. She took off her hand knit black wool shawl.  She took off her slightly squashed tall, black, pointed hat.  She took off her orange gloves, and she took off her long, stringy red hair. She took off her mask.  And went to bed.  So did Fred.