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Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your…
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Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You… (1987)

by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

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6711314,276 (4.06)5
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  1. 00
    "Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me!": The Solution to Sibling Bickering by Anthony Wolf (justrumbelledearie)
    justrumbelledearie: Similar philosophy, written in a similarly easy-to-digest style.
  2. 00
    How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber (dchaikin)
    dchaikin: Same authors and structure. Actually, read How to Talk before you read this one.
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Showing 1-5 of 12 (next | show all)
Not a very good book, didn't help much, they're immature people living in the same house, quarreling over limited resources...gotta live with that. ( )
  DinadansFriend | Dec 22, 2013 |
This book drives me nuts. I've had it recommended frequently, and the ideas make sense, but the chatty, fake-therapy-session format is so hard for me to read I kept giving up part way through. I finally decided to read one chapter at a time and see if that helped.

1. Kids need to learn the skills that are necessary to building caring relationships and dealing with others who are different than they are. Parents should focus on teaching those skills rather than worrying about the current drama or imposing their ideas about family life.

2. Parents should empathize and mirror their children's expressed negative feelings. Restating them as wishes can be helpful, as can recasting them as creative activity. Kids who injure their siblings need to be redirected into non-violent expressions. It's usually better to model the behavior yourself than to describe it.

3. Comparing children only creates bad feelings and problems. Stick to describing the behavior you see (or want to see) and your feelings about it. Try not to mention other children at all.

4. Parents and kids want to be fair, but trying to make everything equal leads to madness and resentment. Better to focus on giving each child what they need. This can be physical ("Are you still hungry?") or emotional ("It's hard to be patient when it seems like she is the center of attention.") Try to give attention to what is unique and valued in each child.

5. No child should be identified as "the ______ one." It traps that child in the role and keeps other children from exploring that part of their personality. Focus on the child's behavior. Emphasize abilities rather than problems, and avoid labels.

6. How to respond to fighting depends on how serious it is. Kids can't be allowed to hurt each other, and minor disagreements can be ignored. For serious arguments: acknowledge their anger; state each child's position; describe the problem; say you know they can solve it fairly; leave the room. Ask if they are playing or fighting if you can't tell. Describe what you see and if necessary, separate them.
  teckelvik | Sep 13, 2012 |
This book challenges the idea that constant, unpleasant conflict is natural and unavoidable, and in action-oriented, easy to understand anecdotes and stories shows the many ways you can teach your children how to get alone. ( )
  LLLSouthCentralMiami | Apr 26, 2010 |
Indispensible for anyone with more than one child. ( )
  stephaniechase | Mar 16, 2010 |
This book is more or less a parenting classic, so far as I can tell: the ultimate guide to dealing with sibling rivalry in kids from birth to teens, with a good moral at the end about repairing sibling relationships as an adult. And, honestly, I wasn’t totally impressed.

For my entire review, see: http://sanctimommy.wordpress.com/2009/09/16/siblings-without-rivalry/ ( )
  TBS_library | Jan 9, 2010 |
Showing 1-5 of 12 (next | show all)
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Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
Adele Faberprimary authorall editionsconfirmed
Mazlish, Elainemain authorall editionsconfirmed
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Epigraph
"Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brothers and sisters to dwell together in unity."
The Book of Psalms
Dedication
To all the grown-up siblings
who still have a
hurt child inside them.
First words
I secretly believed that sibling rivalry was something that happened to other people's children.
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Amazon.com Amazon.com Review (ISBN 0380799006, Paperback)

With a title like this, it's no surprise that authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish had a monster bestseller on their hands when the book first appeared in 1988. From the subsequent deluge of readers' stories, questions, and issues, they have created nearly 50 pages of new material for this, the 10th anniversary edition. The central message remains the same, and sounds almost too simple: avoid comparisons. But parents know that's easier said than done. The value of Faber and Mazlish's discussions is precisely that they talk you through umpteen different situations and outcomes to help you teach your brawling offspring a new set of responses. The highly informative text is punctuated with helpful summary/reminder boxes and cartoons illustrating key points. It's a must-read for parents with (or planning on) multiple children. But parents of young children who get along fine (so far) should read it too--as the authors make very clear, rivalry is inevitable. The only question is how to manage the rivalry with intelligence and compassion, and on that subject they offer a wealth of good advice. --Richard Farr

(retrieved from Amazon Mon, 30 Sep 2013 13:34:56 -0400)

(see all 4 descriptions)

Describes simple but effective ways to reduce the antagonism between siblings.

» see all 4 descriptions

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