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For men only by Shaunti Feldhahn
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For men only

by Shaunti Feldhahn

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CITATIONS
  saintmarysaccden | Nov 6, 2013 |
I reread this book recently, as a kind of refresher for myself. The first time I read it, I had just started dating the woman who is now my wife, almost four years ago. At the time, I had also read "For Women Only," the counterpart to this book, in an effort to offer notes and comments on it for my then-girlfriend's benefit.

Now, I am somewhat distanced from that companion reading, and I can see some flaws in this book as a stand-alone product.

Let me start off with the positives: It is an excellent book. It addresses an important need, and it offers research and statistics to do it. (Not being a researcher, I can't speak to the reliability of their research, but from what I do know, it's not so weak as to be discounted out of hand.) There are few other books in this same vein, although there are many which attempt to show men how women think; I have read even fewer which succeed even remotely.

This book manages to accomplish that, because it's not afraid to quote from the horse's mouth, as they say. Instead of philosophizing, psychologizing, or otherwise intellectualizing, the Feldhahns work with real women with real opinions saying things that - for some reason - they can't just say to their husbands/boyfriends.

That being the case, though, this book has some shortcomings. Almost all of these shortcomings fade, however, when this book is read in conjunction with its counterpart. When read alone, "For Men Only" is a pretty harsh condemnation of male behavior. Granted, some male behavior needs to change, but not all of it can be.

For example, when discussing the female multi-tasking, multi-thinking mind, the Feldhahns spend a great deal of time discussing feminine emotions. At several points, male emotions come into play - but these are discarded as ignorant, irrelevant, or unimportant. In short, from the perspective of this book alone, men must cater to and coddle the emotions of their wives, but if they ever have an emotional response to something, it should be dropped like a hot potato.

This sort of heavy-handed blame-game lurks throughout the book, and makes it upsetting, offensive, even unbearable to man forced to read it by itself. Only when you read both this book and its counterpart (which is pretty heavy-handed against women for their flaws) does everything fall into place as a mutual effort to improve the marriage and each other.

So, a note to any women who want their man to read this book: don't take the titles literally, and make sure he reads the one for you, too. It's important context. ( )
  Versor | Sep 7, 2013 |
If you read my review on Ms. Feldhahn's other book, 'For Women Only,' I think you won't be surprised that the same criticism applies here.This book states up front that the authors' intent is to grossly generalize their findings, and they do. I was hoping for more than just a flip of what was in 'For Women Only' but there wasn't really any new information here - in fact it seemed to lack the depth of the first book.The first book highlighted more specifics, like how men enjoyed it when their women 'played with them' - enjoyed the same diversions, like golf or even just watching sports together. I didn't see the opposite in FMO - what is it that women enjoy for their man to do with them?There seemed (to me) to be an inordinate amount of time spent on a women's appearance (in each of the chapters), which I found shallow. Obviously, as a woman, I understand how important appearance is, but there's so much more to me than that. Men may be visual, but wasn't the point of this book to show them what they CAN'T see? Both books also imply that any infidelity in a marriage will always involve the man and his lustful, wandering eye. Whether women are visual or not (and I know for a fact many are), they have their own escapes, be it through soap operas, romance novels or some other source. Neither book addresses the feminine side of lust or a man's reaction/interpretation of it.There are tidbits to be gleaned, both for men and women, but as before, I recommend that couples look at this book together, and consider the lens used to write it. ( )
  robindejarnett | Feb 15, 2011 |
Wow! As great as her other book, For Women Only, which I read a few years ago. I didn't learn a lot from FWO but what I did learn was life-changing and has stuck with me. It was so life-changing I knew I had to get this book (FMO). And, yes, I read it. I read it because I wanted to be sure that what she reported in her findings truly reflected my feelings. I highlighted all that had meaning to me and I am asking David to read it now in that context. If he reads it it will again have life-changing results. It's that good! I would recommend both books to people wanting to better understand relationships. ( )
  BoundTogetherForGood | Jul 2, 2008 |
Do you recall the conversation with the guys when you or one of them said, “I’ll never understand women”. Get this book then and never make that statement again. From what it truly means for a woman to feel secure, to the way she processes information, to her burning desire to hear affirming comments, this book explains it all and you will find the light going off in your head multiple times.
  rdlynch | Apr 20, 2008 |
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Discusses common characteristics of female behavior in relationships, and provides suggestions for men concerning how to respond positively and address the needs of both genders.

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