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For Fear of Little Men by Wendy C. Allen
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For Fear of Little Men

by Wendy C. Allen

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Showing 2 of 2
~~~
About This Book and Why It Was Written
or
The Suicide Note That Grew To 473 Pages Long
~~~

In November of 2008, after a 9 year run of violence, harassment, vandalism, being paint-balled in drive by shootings, coming home to find my pets murdered on a weekly basis, and countless other acts of terror, reaching it’s height on October 21, 2006 when my house was burnt to the ground, I started writing a suicide note. I had decided that these people must be right about the fact that I did not deserve to live. And so I planned to die immediately after I finished writing a suicide note to explain why I no longer had reason to live.

Like I said, I started writing the suicide note on November 1st, 2008. But so many things had happened over a period of so many years, that it took me 7 months to write what would become a 473 page long letter.

Today, though I still have suicidal thoughts, they are much less severe and my will to hold on to life seems much stronger now than it was that day in 2008. It seems that by writing that simple suicide note, and by going into such detail of the events as to end up with a 473 page letter, resulted in having a therapeutic effect on me.

The problem is now, that I have no one to read this letter. Part of the problem that started me writing it to begin with, is that I have no friends and no family and it’s been nearly 20 years since I’ve had actual face to face contact with a human being who was not hell bent on hating my guts and violently telling me as much. I have 16 cats and 2 goldfish. These 18 pets are all that remain of the 200+ pets I had in 2001. The rest were taken violently from my by acts of hatred and spite. The death of my dog Buddy in November 2008 was the final blow that resulted in this book which you now hold in your hands today. Buddy, was my emotional support dog, a kind of service dog, who remained by my side for 13 long years. His death was beyond devastating for me, and my current lack of medical insurance prevents me from getting an Autism Service Dog, which I am so desperately in need of. The harassment and violence continued on after Buddy’s death, but without Buddy for comfort, I crumbled emotionally under the violence and became suicidal, thus the start of the suicide note of November 2008.

Hough less suicidal today, I have no one but my 16 cats and 2 goldfish to talk to, and no one to whom I can ask to read this 473 page long letter. I posted this letter on my blog in the spring of 2009, but the relatives and church locals who read it, became more brutal and violent than ever before as a result.
It was mistaken by some as being a book manuscript, seeing how I had originally used the National Novel Writing Month contest to write it, and thus inspired leaders of my church to threaten to excommunicate me if I went ahead with the publication of this book.

Not knowing what else to do, having no one to give my 473 page suicide note to, and having it mistaken for a book manuscript, resulted in a change in the letter. I spent the next 7 months editing and revising, changing the suicide note into a question and answer interview, thus turning my suicide note into a book manuscript - the manuscript for the book you are holding in your hands right now.

Why did I decide to turn my suicide note into a book? Well, because sometimes it feels that there is no one else in the world who has ever gone through the things I have had to go through. That is part of the reason I became so very suicidal two years ago. I know that I can’t be alone in this, I know that some where out there, there are others who are also suffering at the hands of hate crimes, violent prejudice, and brutal harassment. I am not the only person in the world who has received death threats. I am not the only person in the world who has had to deal with bullies who sought to take my life, bullies who killed my pets, bullies who destroyed my property, bullies who set fire to my home.

I am not the only one these things have happened to, but I also know that when you have these things happening to you, it can feel like you are alone in the world and that no one else has ever had to go through these sort of hate crimes. It is this feeling of being alone, this feeling that there is no one else who has been there, this feeling that no one understands or cares, those feelings can become overwhelming and it is those feelings that can lead to suicide.

But, I am a survivor. I have survived the hate crimes. I have survived the depression they caused. I have survived the suicide they inspired. I survived, and that is the goal of this book: to let others know that if I can survive than so can you.
My hope is that by publishing my 473 page long suicide note, that others will read it and find reason to hope, reason to live, reason to find an alternative to suicide. If this book can help in saving even just one life, than it has served it’s purpose.
I would ask anyone reading this book, if suicide has become a thought in your mind, please do what I did and take the time to write a letter, a long letter, a letter of depth and detail, a letter that looks at everything as far back as you can remember, because doing so, saved my life, and I hope that doing so, will save yours.

Much love to all who read this.

~~EelKat

Blurb on the Back cover reads:

In 1979 a pair of children saw what they described as a white monkey sitting in a tree, in the cold far north woods of Mane. A talking monkey, whom adults were unable to see. Adults were quick to dismiss the sighting as overactive imaginations, but when more sightings followed the adults started to pay attention.

Over the next several years strange events lead to adults accusing the Autistic girl of being a demon possessed witch and a poltergeist. By the time she was twelve years old, church leaders had taken to threats of excommunication.

As the silent child grew to a young woman, fear gave way to religious hysteria when church members took to acts of violence and terror, resulting in the deaths of countless pets, and the destruction of property, reaching it's climax when the young woman's home was burnt to the ground, leaving her homeless and faced with living life on the streets.

You are about to take a look at the world as seen through the eyes of an Autistic girl - a world where faeries walk along side the rest of us - and how local religious hysteria came down around her when adults translated her faerie contact as demon possession.

Today the homeless woman known to the world simply as EelKat the Crazy Cat Woman of Maine has agreed to be interviewed and tell her horrendous tale of anguish, violence, alien abduction, homelessness, living with Autism, and terrorism at the hands of religious leaders all because of their . . .

Fear of Little Men ( )
  EelKat | Feb 9, 2010 |
~~~
About This Book and Why It Was Written
or
The Suicide Note That Grew To 473 Pages Long
~~~

In November of 2008, after a 9 year run of violence, harassment, vandalism, being paint-balled in drive by shootings, coming home to find my pets murdered on a weekly basis, and countless other acts of terror, reaching it’s height on October 21, 2006 when my house was burnt to the ground, I started writing a suicide note. I had decided that these people must be right about the fact that I did not deserve to live. And so I planned to die immediately after I finished writing a suicide note to explain why I no longer had reason to live.

Like I said, I started writing the suicide note on November 1st, 2008. But so many things had happened over a period of so many years, that it took me 7 months to write what would become a 473 page long letter.

Today, though I still have suicidal thoughts, they are much less severe and my will to hold on to life seems much stronger now than it was that day in 2008. It seems that by writing that simple suicide note, and by going into such detail of the events as to end up with a 473 page letter, resulted in having a therapeutic effect on me.

The problem is now, that I have no one to read this letter. Part of the problem that started me writing it to begin with, is that I have no friends and no family and it’s been nearly 20 years since I’ve had actual face to face contact with a human being who was not hell bent on hating my guts and violently telling me as much. I have 16 cats and 2 goldfish. These 18 pets are all that remain of the 200+ pets I had in 2001. The rest were taken violently from my by acts of hatred and spite. The death of my dog Buddy in November 2008 was the final blow that resulted in this book which you now hold in your hands today. Buddy, was my emotional support dog, a kind of service dog, who remained by my side for 13 long years. His death was beyond devastating for me, and my current lack of medical insurance prevents me from getting an Autism Service Dog, which I am so desperately in need of. The harassment and violence continued on after Buddy’s death, but without Buddy for comfort, I crumbled emotionally under the violence and became suicidal, thus the start of the suicide note of November 2008.

Hough less suicidal today, I have no one but my 16 cats and 2 goldfish to talk to, and no one to whom I can ask to read this 473 page long letter. I posted this letter on my blog in the spring of 2009, but the relatives and church locals who read it, became more brutal and violent than ever before as a result.
It was mistaken by some as being a book manuscript, seeing how I had originally used the National Novel Writing Month contest to write it, and thus inspired leaders of my church to threaten to excommunicate me if I went ahead with the publication of this book.

Not knowing what else to do, having no one to give my 473 page suicide note to, and having it mistaken for a book manuscript, resulted in a change in the letter. I spent the next 7 months editing and revising, changing the suicide note into a question and answer interview, thus turning my suicide note into a book manuscript - the manuscript for the book you are holding in your hands right now.

Why did I decide to turn my suicide note into a book? Well, because sometimes it feels that there is no one else in the world who has ever gone through the things I have had to go through. That is part of the reason I became so very suicidal two years ago. I know that I can’t be alone in this, I know that some where out there, there are others who are also suffering at the hands of hate crimes, violent prejudice, and brutal harassment. I am not the only person in the world who has received death threats. I am not the only person in the world who has had to deal with bullies who sought to take my life, bullies who killed my pets, bullies who destroyed my property, bullies who set fire to my home.

I am not the only one these things have happened to, but I also know that when you have these things happening to you, it can feel like you are alone in the world and that no one else has ever had to go through these sort of hate crimes. It is this feeling of being alone, this feeling that there is no one else who has been there, this feeling that no one understands or cares, those feelings can become overwhelming and it is those feelings that can lead to suicide.

But, I am a survivor. I have survived the hate crimes. I have survived the depression they caused. I have survived the suicide they inspired. I survived, and that is the goal of this book: to let others know that if I can survive than so can you.
My hope is that by publishing my 473 page long suicide note, that others will read it and find reason to hope, reason to live, reason to find an alternative to suicide. If this book can help in saving even just one life, than it has served it’s purpose.
I would ask anyone reading this book, if suicide has become a thought in your mind, please do what I did and take the time to write a letter, a long letter, a letter of depth and detail, a letter that looks at everything as far back as you can remember, because doing so, saved my life, and I hope that doing so, will save yours.

Much love to all who read this.

~~EelKat

Blurb on the Back cover reads:

In 1979 a pair of children saw what they described as a white monkey sitting in a tree, in the cold far north woods of Mane. A talking monkey, whom adults were unable to see. Adults were quick to dismiss the sighting as overactive imaginations, but when more sightings followed the adults started to pay attention.

Over the next several years strange events lead to adults accusing the Autistic girl of being a demon possessed witch and a poltergeist. By the time she was twelve years old, church leaders had taken to threats of excommunication.

As the silent child grew to a young woman, fear gave way to religious hysteria when church members took to acts of violence and terror, resulting in the deaths of countless pets, and the destruction of property, reaching it's climax when the young woman's home was burnt to the ground, leaving her homeless and faced with living life on the streets.

You are about to take a look at the world as seen through the eyes of an Autistic girl - a world where faeries walk along side the rest of us - and how local religious hysteria came down around her when adults translated her faerie contact as demon possession.

Today the homeless woman known to the world simply as EelKat the Crazy Cat Woman of Maine has agreed to be interviewed and tell her horrendous tale of anguish, violence, alien abduction, homelessness, living with Autism, and terrorism at the hands of religious leaders all because of their . . .

Fear of Little Men ( )
  EelKat | Feb 9, 2010 |
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