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Balthazar Jones and the Tower of London Zoo

by Julia Stuart

MembersReviewsPopularityAverage ratingMentions
1,04612019,359 (3.72)114
Fantasy. Fiction. Literature. Humor (Fiction.) HTML:Brimming with charm and whimsy, this national bestseller set in the Tower of London has the transportive qualities and delightful magic of the contemporary classics Chocolat and AmĂ©lie
Balthazar Jones has lived in the Tower of London with his loving wife, Hebe, and his 120-year-old pet tortoise for the past eight years. Thatâ??s right, he is a Beefeater (they really do live there). Itâ??s no easy job living and working in the tourist attraction in present-day London. 
Among the eccentric characters who call the Towerâ??s maze of ancient buildings and spiral staircases home are the Towerâ??s Rack & Ruin barmaid, Ruby Dore, who just found out sheâ??s pregnant; portly Valerie Jennings, who is falling for ticket inspector Arthur Catnip; the lifelong bachelor Reverend Septimus Drew, who secretly pens a series of principled erot­ica; and the philandering Ravenmaster, aiming to avenge the death of one of his insufferable ravens. 
When Balthazar is tasked with setting up an elaborate menagerie within the Tower walls to house the many exotic animals gifted to the Queen, life at the Tower gets all the more interest­ing. Penguins escape, giraffes are stolen, and the Komodo dragon sends innocent people running for their lives. Balthazar is in charge and things are not exactly running smoothly. Then Hebe decides to leave him and his beloved tortoise â??runsâ?ť away. 
Filled with the humor and heart that calls to mind the delight­ful novels of Alexander McCall Smith, and the charm and beauty of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie SocietyThe Tower, the Zoo, and the Tortoise is a magical, wholly origi­nal novel whose irresistible characters will stay with you long after y
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» See also 114 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 121 (next | show all)
Didn't really enjoy this one all that much. I did end up caring a little bit about Balthazar Jones, who lives in the tower of London, and I hoped he would make up with his wife. Most of the people in this book seemed depressed and plagued by odd and dismal circumstances, but it does turn out better for most of them in the end. But I wouldn't recommend it. ( )
  debs4jc | Jul 1, 2022 |
Stuart manages many storylines in this whimsical novel with none of the characters fading into insignificance. Outside visiting hours the Tower of London is a self-contained community with its own doctor, chapel and even a pub, The Rack and Ruin, where the Beefeaters socialize and play Monopoly. When the Palace decides to move a large menagerie of exotic animals gifted to the Queen from their current home at London Zoo to the Tower, Beefeater Balthazar Jones is given the job of taking care of them. It's a move that doesn't sit well with the Ravenmaster who worries about the effect on the ravens traditionally kept at the Tower, but is more likely worried that they will somehow reveal his philandering.

Balthazar and his wife, Hebe, are still mourning the loss of their beloved son and this new distraction for her husband is too much for Hebe who packs up and leaves. The story moves back and forward from the Tower of London to the London Underground Lost Property Office where Hebe works, matching the often bizarre finds with owners. The Tower's chaplain, Reverend Septimus Drew, a bachelor, though not by choice, writes steamy romances under the pseudonym Vivienne Ventress (that gave me a laugh out loud moment) and falls in love with the barmaid, Ruby Dore.

Throughout the book the Tower's history becomes a major theme providing fascinating details. Stuart has performed a magical feat with this captivating book, making the characters simultaneously funny, sad, and lovable in a story that is lighthearted yet serious. I loved every moment. ( )
1 vote VivienneR | Feb 23, 2022 |
WHAT'S THE TOWER, THE ZOO, AND THE TORTOISE ABOUT?
Balthazar Jones has inherited the world's oldest living tortoise from his family—it's been handed down for generations. It's not the most interesting thing about him, but it's going to prove pivotal.

Eight years before, Jones moved into the Tower of London with his wife and son, because that's where Yeoman Warders live and work. Most of the world knows them by the nickname, Beefeaters. A few years later, his son dies suddenly. Jones and his wife, Hebe, stopped really talking or communicating that day—both wrapped up tightly in their grief.

Now, the Queen's Equerry comes to Jones and tells him that the Queen wants to move the animals she's been given by various nations to the Tower of London, re-establishing the menagerie there, and he gets to run it. After all, the keeper of the world's oldest tortoise must know something about caring for animals, right?

His fellow Yeoman Warders aren't happy about this at first—particularly the Chief Yeoman and the keeper of the ravens. Things go wrong pretty quickly with the animals in the menagerie, but it increases the popularity of the Tower, and tourism is booming. Also, it turns out that most of the Beefeaters end up enjoying the animals.

Hebe works in the Lost and Found for the London Underground where she and her officemate are diligent in seeking to reunite people with their lost property (very frequently odd things, it should be added), and will sometimes go to great lengths to do so. It is this strange little pocket universe they work in, and I was fascinated by that.

There are too many characters to list here—each eccentric in their own way (for example, the Tower chaplain, who secretly writes erotica with a sold moral core).

Around the time that the animals arrive, , everyone's life changes—some for the better, some for the worse. As the Tower's residents have to cope with the new arrivals, this collection of characters has to adjust to the changes rippling through their lives.

THE TONE
Whimsical, but never outright funny. Comic and yet mournful. Grief permeates this novel—for opportunities lost, for mistakes made, for the death of a son and maybe a marriage—yet there's an optimistic note throughout.

It's hard to pinpoint the tone, think Gaiman's Stardust meets Jennifer Weiner, and you'll be close. It's incredibly quotable, with some sparkling sentences (but for the quotes to make any sense, I'd have to go for longer pericopes than I'm comfortable with—so no examples, just take my word for it).

SO, WHAT DID I THINK ABOUT THE TOWER, THE ZOO, AND THE TORTOISE?
I really liked this. It felt like a fairy tale about the contemporary world and without any real magic (well, maybe).

You can't help feel bad for all the characters (with one exception—the book would've been better without them if you ask me). They're lonely, they're heartbroken, and they have no real hope of their lot in life improving. But they keep going. They keep living their sad, lonely lives until something happens to change things. It's kind of inspirational.

Charming prose, characters you sympathize and empathize with almost immediately, and some very strange events make for a good, entertaining read. At times I felt like I was about to fall in love with the book, but sadly, that didn't happen—I did like it a lot, though. ( )
  hcnewton | Nov 26, 2021 |
A pleasant read. I enjoyed the silliness, the curate attending the erotica publishing awards dinner especially. Some plot holes were distracting (animal droppings! this is a major part of the work of any animal keeping and was barely mentioned).

I think my mom will like this one. ( )
  Je9 | Aug 10, 2021 |
Populated with quirky characters, the novel has a very bittersweet note. Not the lighthearted read I was expecting, but well worth the time. ( )
  SusanWallace | Jul 10, 2021 |
Showing 1-5 of 121 (next | show all)
The ancient and sinister Tower of London that lures more than 2 million visitors a year would be an inspiration for any writer, especially one with the kind of whimsical imagination from which sprouts a world of ravenous ravens and a 181-year old tortoise called Mrs. Cross whose tail has been replaced by a parsnip.

Not to mention a Beefeater who collects exotic rain, patronizes a tower tavern called The Rack and Ruin and the ghost of Sir Walter Raleigh, who pollutes the place by his nightly smoking.

Ms. Stuart has concocted a marvelous confection of a book in which she writes of a unique cast of characters. The occupants of the royal menagerie, established in the tower in the 13th century, range from a royal polar bear that fished for salmon in the Thames to a golden snub-nosed monkey with titian hair christened the duchess of York.

What could have been heavy-handed whimsy has in this writer’s hands become a charming spoof that portrays the life and rather tragic times of Balthazar Jones, overseer of the tower’s royal menagerie and a man whose living quarters, while historic, provide evidence of just how uncomfortably damp life could be in the good old days.

Jones, weighed down by grief over the death of his young son and his failing marriage to Hebe Jones, is a member of that exclusive group known as Beefeaters who are the official guardians of the tower. In the 16th and 17th centuries these yeoman warders, as they were known, not only guarded royal prisoners but sometimes had the task of torturing them.

Jones’ duties are less onerous, but he is less than enthusiastic to hear that his responsibilities have been expanded to include managing a new royal menagerie of the animals given to the monarch as gifts to be moved on the queen’s orders from the London zoo to the tower. The queen, it is explained,considers it rude to return gifts, however unlikely.

A palace equerry sips tea and nibbles scones supposedly handmade by her majesty while describing to Jones the kind of animals he will be caring for. While emphasizing the seven centuries of tradition of a royal menagerie at the tower, the man from the palace notes that her majesty is “rather partial to tortoises” and is aware that Jones is already in possession of the venerable Mrs. Cross. Left unmentioned is the fact that the voracious ravens of the tower, which favor blood-soaked bread in their diet, had chewed off Mrs. Cross’ tail.

Jones’ late son had come up with the ingenious idea of implanting a parsnip where it showed and nobody seemed to notice, perhaps with the exception of Mrs. Cross. According to the emissary, due to be included in the new menagerie are toucans from the president of Peru, a zorilla which is a “highly revered yet uniquely odorous skunklike animal from Africa,” marmosets from Brazil, flying possums that “get depressed if you don’t give them enough attention,” a Russian “glutton” that looks like a small bear and has a huge appetite and a Komodo dragon that “is carnivorous, can take down a horse, and has a ferocious bite.”

In addition, the equerry announces, there will be some crested water dragons known as “Jesus Christ lizards” sent from the president of Costa Rica, and an Etruscan shrew from the president of Portugal that is “the smallest land mammal in the world, can sit in a teaspoon and is so highly strung it can die from being handled.”

On a final note, the man from the palace cautions Jones to keep the lovebirds separated. “They hate each other,” he explains. Jones finds none of this cheering news, especially when the removal of animals from the zoo to the tower turns into the kind of chaos that involves the mysterious disappearance of an entire flock of Argentinian penguins which the beleaguered Beefeater has to justify to the public by explaining they are at the vet’s office.

It is a tribute to Ms. Stuart’s skill that she interweaves a little poignancy into her hilarious story, with a touching account of the death of Milo, small son of Jones and his wife that has resulted in their estrangement.

However, even the character of Hebe Jones is threaded with dark humor because she works at the Department of Lost Property at the London underground, where the lost are neatly packaged yet often never found or even sought. The author digs into that gold mine. The department’s most frequent customer is “cloud thin” Samuel Crapper, who comes to retrieve a lost tomato plant and doesn’t realize that four of its tomatoes had already been eaten on toasted cheese.

And there is the account of how the ashes of his dead wife were restored to a man crushed by their loss. He is not only overjoyed but promptly goes out and plants the urn in his back garden. There is even what passes for a happy ending because the queen decides to send the menagerie back to the zoo, with the exception of the Etruscan shrew that died without anyone noticing.

Jones is reunited with his wife, and finds he misses the bearded pig that used to snuggle up to him between games of roll the grapefruit. But he is consoled that the depressed wandering albatross cheers up when it finds its mate is still waiting for it at the zoo.
 
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Epigraph
We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals. —Immanuel Kant
Dedication
For Joan
First words
Standing on the battlements in his pajamas, Balthazar Jones looked out across the Thames where Henry III's polar bear had once fished for salmon while tied to a rope.
Quotations
“A lucky person is one who plants pebbles and harvests potatoes.”  ~ Hebe Jones
"Don't extend your feet beyond the blanket."  ~ Hebe Jones
"Don't sprout where you haven't been planted."  ~ Hebe Jones
"An old hen is worth 40 chickens." ~  Hebe Jones
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(Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)
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Fantasy. Fiction. Literature. Humor (Fiction.) HTML:Brimming with charm and whimsy, this national bestseller set in the Tower of London has the transportive qualities and delightful magic of the contemporary classics Chocolat and AmĂ©lie
Balthazar Jones has lived in the Tower of London with his loving wife, Hebe, and his 120-year-old pet tortoise for the past eight years. Thatâ??s right, he is a Beefeater (they really do live there). Itâ??s no easy job living and working in the tourist attraction in present-day London. 
Among the eccentric characters who call the Towerâ??s maze of ancient buildings and spiral staircases home are the Towerâ??s Rack & Ruin barmaid, Ruby Dore, who just found out sheâ??s pregnant; portly Valerie Jennings, who is falling for ticket inspector Arthur Catnip; the lifelong bachelor Reverend Septimus Drew, who secretly pens a series of principled erot­ica; and the philandering Ravenmaster, aiming to avenge the death of one of his insufferable ravens. 
When Balthazar is tasked with setting up an elaborate menagerie within the Tower walls to house the many exotic animals gifted to the Queen, life at the Tower gets all the more interest­ing. Penguins escape, giraffes are stolen, and the Komodo dragon sends innocent people running for their lives. Balthazar is in charge and things are not exactly running smoothly. Then Hebe decides to leave him and his beloved tortoise â??runsâ?ť away. 
Filled with the humor and heart that calls to mind the delight­ful novels of Alexander McCall Smith, and the charm and beauty of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie SocietyThe Tower, the Zoo, and the Tortoise is a magical, wholly origi­nal novel whose irresistible characters will stay with you long after y

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