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Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern
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Sh*t My Dad Says

by Justin Halpern

Other authors: See the other authors section.

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» See also 63 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 138 (next | show all)
I picked up this book because of all the hype around it and because everyone on the train is reading either this book or one of those Girl with the Kraken Flipflops stories. BOY did it live up to the ballyhoo! And surpassed it! It's absolutely screamingly hilarious and fall-down funny! You have to read it. End of story. I read it in a day.
  MartinBodek | Jun 11, 2015 |
DO NOT read this book if you are offended by swearing but DO read it if you want to be laughing out loud at regular intervals. I had heard of the TV show although I had never seen it so was intreged when I spied this in the local library thinking it would be an amusing little read and boy was I not wrong ! This book was hilarious, and full of brilliant quotes (most of them very unPC). Justins dad can come across as a bit of a red neck with some of the things he says but also talks alot of sense (he tends to say what other people are afraid to say alot of the time.) I can't really say any more about it because it would only be repeating what others have said already just to say I heartily recommend it if you want a book that will give you a really good laugh. ( )
  WWDG | May 6, 2015 |
I listened to this in the car on my way to and from work and am pretty sure I got a bunch of stares while I was laughing my ass off. Absolutely hilarious! I plan on reading/listening to the rest of his books until he stops writing them. ( )
  katherineemilysmith | May 4, 2015 |
A very light, funny, easy read. ( )
  austin.sears | Mar 15, 2015 |
This is a hysterical book. You have to look past the sh*ts and the f*cks, and the potty humor. But there is some real wisdom in here. Here is a gem:

On the Right Time to Have Children
"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumb shit. He knows how it works."

And there you have it.

My dad was not really in my life, but I can almost hear my Uncle Jack saying some of these things. ( )
  Rilene1 | Mar 2, 2015 |
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» Add other authors (2 possible)

Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
Justin Halpernprimary authorall editionsconfirmed
Schemmel, SeanReadersecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
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People/Characters
Important places
Important events
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Epigraph
Dedication
For my dad, mom, Dan, Evan, Jose, and Amanda
Thank you for all your love and support
First words
"All I ask is that you pick up your shit so you don't leave your bedroom looking like it was used for a gang bang. Also, sorry that your girlfriend dumped you."

When I was twenty-eight years old, I lived in Los Angeles and was in the third year of a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, who lived in San Diego. Most Fridays I'd sit in traffic for three and a half hours as my 1999 Ford Ranger crawled 126 miles down the I-5 to San Diego. Every once in a while my car would decide to shut off its engine. Meanwhile, its radio was busted, so I only got one station, whose playlist seemed limited to songs from the burgeoning rapper Flo Rida. There's nothing like merging onto a freeway only to have your engine stop, steering wheel lock, and a deejay scream, "And here's MY MAN, Flo Rida, with his new hit 'Right Round'! Let's get this party started!"
Quotations
"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."
"Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."

On My First Day of Kindergarten
"You thought it was hard? If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the rest of life."
On Leaving My Toys Around the House
"Goddamn it, I just sat on your goddamned truck guy...Optimus Prime? I don't give a shit what it's called, keep it away from where I like to put my ass."
Last words
(Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)
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Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious coming-of-age book about a son's relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.

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