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You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town…
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You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman's Painfully…

by Heather McDonald

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Synopsis: Comedienne Heather McDonald, best known for her appearances on the hit TV show Chelsea Lately, was a virgin until she was 27 years old. Sure she had lots of boyfriends, was a sorority sister, and went on plenty of dates, but the idealistic California girl was holding out for Mr. Right, while simultaneously holding out on everyone else. McDonald recounts her sexless youth and how she finally "gave it up."Review: I wish I had not read this book and there are two reasons for that. First, because I disliked this book so much, I wanted and still want my money back. This memoir was a waste of words and paper. The reason I feel that way is the second reason I wish I had not read this book: it made me severely dislike Heather McDonald. I used to really enjoy her appearances on the round table on Chelsea Lately and I thought she was pretty funny. Having read her book, I now find her nauseating.Throughout her memoir, McDonald makes continual references to her appearance, i.e., how cute she is, how she is too cute to date a certain guy, how a certain guy should be glad someone as cute as she is is dating him, etc. Also, she placed a strange amount of importance on the fact that she was in a sorority in college, and having been in one seemed to continue to affect her present life. Both these things together made McDonald come off as extremely shallow. I did not go into this book with the expectation that McDonald was the deepest, most thought-provoking person in the world. But the excessive shallowness was a complete turn off for me and prevented me from enjoying this book.Instead of being what could have been a pretty funny memoir, the author was so distasteful as a person that the book was ruined. I would not recommend this memoir to anyone. ( )
  ReadingWithMartinis | Nov 8, 2010 |
I borrowed this one from a friend, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to go out and find it. It was--eh. I mean, moderately funny, and it wasn't like I had to force myself to pick it up, but... she's a whiny, shallow, little rich girl who finds herself funnier than anyone else, and bounces a little incoherently from story to story. I can see why Chelsea devotes a portion of each show to mentioning how annoying Heather is. Still, it didn't take me too long to get through, and I did laugh, so no harm, no foul. ( )
  arcticdrift | Sep 28, 2010 |
She goes off on tangents...a lot. I think it adds to the humor though. I think she also picked some of her comments straight out of my head.

It's funny, its light, it has some self-depricating humor mixed in with some self-congratulatory comments.

If you enjoy Heather "Long Boobs" McDonald on the Chelsea Lately round table, then you'll likely enjoy this. It's not a must read, but its fun. ( )
  Katymelrose | Sep 23, 2010 |
You’ll Never Blue Ball In This Town Again: One Woman’s Painfully Funny Quest To Give It Up by Heather McDonald in a word, was, disappointing. I am so sorry to have to tell you this, because not only do I love Heather “Longboobs” McDonald, and love her work on Chelsea Lately, but because I love recommending funny books to my readers, and I can’t say this was a funny book. Trust me, I am as disappointed and shocked as you are.

Don’t get me wrong, this book does have some funny moments, and it has a few good celebrity stories, and I certainly didn’t hate it. I just expected WAY MORE from it than I got, especially since someone decided to put the word funny in the title. Just like when I read Jerry Seinfeld’s Seinlanguage, I felt betrayed. Where was my laughing out loud? I just feel funny comedians should produce funny books. We all know Heather McDonald is hilarious.

Between Heather jumbling relationship stories together (ex: she’d write a story placed in 1991, and then insert a high school memory, and then go into the future about another man all within a quick few paragraphs which made it so hard to follow who and when she was even writing about) and her multiple pop culture mistakes, You’ll Never Blue Ball In This Town Again just wasn’t the fine piece of comedic writing I had planned on reading. I thought about what went wrong in the book all weekend, and I came up with the following: Heather writes shorter bits of comedy for television and for her stand-up, and in this book, instead of writing shorter essays and chapters, she wrote too many long stories and not enough chapters (11) in an effort to try and write about her many dating adventures during her long virginal years. Heather was all over the place, and it just didn’t work for me. Oh, how I wanted it too, as all the right ingredients were there for me - stand-up and celebrity tales, college and sorority stories, fashion and drinking adventures, and being a good girl in a tall slut’s body and clothes.

The worst thing Heather did was to keep making pop culture mistakes, mixing up the years something was popular, or the using the right pop culture items. Now, pop culture is my thing, and if someone messes up my thing, it’s just unforgivable for me. By page 19, I had to put the book down and look up everything she got wrong, as I have been noticing this trend more and more in books today. (I may not be a perfect blogger and writer, but hey, I’m not getting paid for it yet either. When that day comes, I promise to be ready and to bring it for my fans of my pop culture influenced memories.) With the age of the internet, and thousands of websites dedicated to pop culture, television, music, and fashion, how can an author (or editor) not spend AN HOUR OR TWO looking over details from the past to improve a novel to get it right? I hate to do this, but I hate to share with you a short list of my complaints by page 19 on this book.

To read the rest of my review, visit my blog:

http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/2010/06/14/youll-never-blue-ball-in-th... ( )
1 vote nerdgirlblogger | Jun 14, 2010 |
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Can't a girl dress like a hooker, dance like a stripper, and kiss like a porn star and still be a nineteen-year-old virgin? Blue balling may not have paid her rent or landed her free trips to Hawaii, but it did provide Heather with hilarious stories and adventures about waiting to lose her virginity.… (more)

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