James Young (13)

This is just bad Star Trek fanfic. Seriously. The producers of Star Trek should totally sue this guy. Here's why: this book contains a ship named Enterprise, an officer named Sulu, and even warp speed. There's more similarities than that, but that's enough, goddammit.

The whole story is just derivative as fuck. The battle scenes seem like they're just ripped from some submarine battle, like The Hunt for Red October. Down bubble this. Firing solution that. It seems so familiar.

And then, there's the cruise spaceship named Titanic. Why the fuck anyone would build any kind of ship with that name, I will never understand. It's always going to end in disaster. But it is slightly harder to hit an iceberg, when you're in space.

But there's pirates! Arrrrg! So, the pirates attack the Titanic, and all hell breaks loose. Well, that is to say, the story turns into that Poseidon movie, where one highly skilled guy helps some rich guy escape the ruin that is their ship. So again, derivative as fuck.

Did I mention that there's also a ship named Calvin & Hobbes? Yeah. Seriously. I don't get it. I have to assume that this book is set in a future several hundred years ahead of our own, so why is there so many references to our current popular culture? It wouldn't surprise me, if they were watching episodes of Friends on their cruise ship TV. It's that fucking retarded.

I say that this book is bad Star Trek fanfic, because there's hardly any sex scenes in this book. If it was real fanfic, it would be mostly sex scenes, where Q is fucking Picard violently in the ass, as Picard begs for more. So, if you're going to write Star Trek fanfic, that's fine. But do it right, goddamnit. At least have the decency to give us some violent ass fucking. Is that too much to ask? I think not.… (more)