What would you change or are you trying to change about yourself?

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What would you change or are you trying to change about yourself?

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Nov 27, 2007, 12:08pm


1. I work on staying in the present moment and noticing what's going on around me, more of an S tendency.

2. Narrowing the gap between thought and action. I admire SPs in that respect.

3. Not trying to control the things that just don't matter, only the ones that do ;-)

4. Letting other people help me.

5. Removing emotion from my decision-making process. (Is that shocking/disturbing to the Fs among us?)

Nov 30, 2007, 12:56am


I am not shocked or disturbed. This seems about right for an NT. However, I trust "feeling" above all other faculties. I do recognize the pitfalls of feeling (I didn't used to and the pitfalls did cause trouble). Now my feeling is guided by something inside myself that is more empathetic and wise rather than reactionary. It is more like Tao: there is some distance, but I still act from my heart. As Roethke said, "We think by feeling, what is there to know?"

I think people often fear "feeling" because it is uncontrollable and irrational; however I don't think it HAS to be that way. I am very comfortable in the world of feeling now; much more so than logical thought.

Edited: Dec 7, 2007, 10:59am


I would like to flesh out better the things I think about. True to form, I live in a world of analysis and find satisfaction in gaining a personal understanding. I will marvel at an interesting insight and then engage a different idea without harvesting the fruit of the first one. I realize this can be an INTP sort of thing, but my tendency towards unfinished thoughts is so strong, I wonder from time to time if I am a closet Extrovert.

Jan 5, 2008, 2:22pm


Funnily enough citygirl's list is much the same as mine. However while, as a docto,r I can't help feeling/thinking that I should remove emotion from MY decision making process my gut feelings are so rarely wrong that whenever I don't trust them I end up regretting it. Actually, in medicine I can no longer tell whether I rely more on intuition and feeling or on logic based pattern-recognition. I just seem to know what's wrong and what to do about it. It seems to work so I've decided not to fiddle with it.

Jan 5, 2008, 3:25pm


I just want to be better organized so I don't lose &/or forget things anymore. Or not as much. Oh, yeah, and my daughter says I need to work at being on time more. *sigh*

Jan 5, 2008, 3:47pm

Emotion is different from intuition. I'd never try to remove intuition from my decision-making.

Jan 5, 2008, 4:53pm

Good point, you're right of course. I realised at the time that I'd strayed from one to the other in my earlier posting although, in my defence, they do seem to be closely linked in me personally. At least that's how it feels.

Jan 5, 2008, 6:27pm

I went back to my copy of 'Please Understand Me' and had a bit of a think. I think that with medicine I tend to use N coupled with T for decision making. Presumably its the F side that makes me get emotionally attached to some (not all) of my patients. My personal life is much more N coupled with F: I seem to try to 'do the right thing' without analyzing why, or whether, it really is the best option. Actually when I try to analyze such a decision I tend to get very stressed or even physically ill. This tendency to be more NT at work and NF at home may explain the ten years of intense but ultimately very destructive romances before I finally met my wife.

I find it rather difficult to conceptualize NOT being an NF in my personal life; it would feel very alien to me. I get on well enough with INTJs but I don't entirely understand them. I can't decide whether we'd all be better off if they were more like me or if I was more like them. It's may be best to leave us both as we are (see previous paragraph). However, as an INFJ I can't help but wonder 'what makes you tick?', at least when I'm not wondering 'what makes ME tick?'

Jan 6, 2008, 2:33am

This is a really interesting thread!


I'm working on extraverting feeling more consciously these days. One description of introverts says that we I-types often think we've said our thoughts out loud when we've actually done nothing of the kind; then we're puzzled when people don't respond to our (unspoken) thoughts! This one made me laugh, since it was an all too familiar situation.

In particular, I'm making more of an effort to express feelings - especially the warmer ones (compliments, sympathy, general friendliness) - verbally and through gesture, simply because I've learned that my facial expression isn't always as expressive as I imagine it to be :-(

Jan 6, 2008, 9:07am

I've had a problem with that too. I must confess that in my late teens/early twenties I loathed myself for my I-induced 'social inadequacy' and was jealous of my ENFJ brother's easy charm and 'social fluency'. Actually I've learned to be more extrovert, particularly when expressing feelings, but it does require more concentration and sometimes it takes a lot out of me. My wife's even more of an introvert than I am and sometimes I have to ask her to 'use words' because even two INFJs have to use verbal communication sometimes.

I've been thinking about what I said earlier and I think I find it hard to analyze decisions in my personal life because it offends my J side; that is it feels too much like P behaviour to be comfortable. Obviously I want quicker decisions than I can get by using logic. This clearly isn't a problem for INTJs so it must be something to do with being a combination of F and J. I've learned to accept the I, N, and J parts of my personality but, perhaps because of my science background, I have trouble with the T/F thing. My head thinks that I should be more like an INTJ but in my heart I feel like an INFJ. I was fascinated by message 2. Is it really possible to learn to handle my F side better? Where do I start?

Jan 8, 2008, 6:57pm

I have a monumental problem with talking about my feelings. I articulate them very well to myself, but trying to explain them to others is nearly impossible. I use poetry to get around this sometimes; writing everything out and then handing it to someone, although that has caused problems on occasion.
Also I agree wholeheartedly with citygirl's #3 and 4.

Mar 12, 2008, 3:58pm


I am concentrated on self-improvement. I am fine with the knowledge that a lot of people don't understand me. I like interacting with people but I'm not going to jump through hoops - in fact, many times I am glad I am misunderstood. I would hate to be the kind of person people can figure out. I need more self-discipline, really, which has everything to do with me and little to do with others.

Edited: Apr 26, 2008, 5:36am


Not trying to change anything. Just exploring all the other types that are in me and noticing the contexts when I let them out to play. And the contexts when they come out to play whether I want them too or not.

I enjoy playing with the inner visioning stuff that you guys probably find easy to do. I like trying to communicate it to people too. I find that challenging sometimes.

With a preference for inner world feeling, I'm still comfortable with people picking me as preferring thinking. I joke with my wife (INFP) that I'm a compassion free zone. She jokes back saying, "I know you feel my pain". Which of course I don't, normally. Or I try not to anyway. Sometimes when I do, I try to limit that so that I don't get lost in it. Life's rich tapestry. Always challenging.

Anyway. Interesting reading about your experiences.

Take it easy. Don't beat yourselves up too much. I learn a lot from being around people like yourselves.

Life is short. Whatever type you are, or think you are, enjoy it.

PS If you're looking for some ways to develop yourself in a type framework, have a look at Functions of type by Margaret Hartzler. Details at http://www.16types.com/Request.jsp?rView=ProductDetail&IItem=OID%3A422558. It's got some interesting exercises to help get into other type's ways of being. And its only 60p long. Like short, practical books.



May 1, 2008, 5:39pm


citygirl's opening message says it all for me.

I live with a spiritual, feeling wife so have learnt a lot from her in many respects.

But staying in the present moment - that is so difficult, and tiring!! both physically and mentally.