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But what if she wants to die : a husband's diary

by George E. Delury

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George Delury was sentenced to six months in a New York prison for assisting the suicide of his wife, which state laws specifically forbid. Such cases ordinarily do not reach the courts, but Delury kept a diary in which he agonized over how he could help Myrna Lebov, his wife of twenty-two years, end her suffering. The police found the diary and accused him of murder. Confined to a wheelchair since 1991, Lebov, who was afflicted with multiple sclerosis, an incurable and fatal disease, vacillated between a desire to die and a wish to live, between depression and euphoria. Delury fought with his own feelings of frustration as he became increasingly overwhelmed by the stress and isolation of caring for his wife. He wrote in his diary: "My problem: if she asks for the poison now but seems very depressed, should I comply? Is she still autonomous? If l comply, I may be serving my own interests more than hers. If I don't, she may be losing her last chance to make the decision".Delury describes with heartrending candor how the woman he loved had become the focus and burden of his existence, and the dilemma he faced, to help her fulfill her wish to die even though doing so might break the law.Lebov's relatives, however, claim that Delury pushed her toward death, by making her feel that she was a burden to him. Delury, in turn, feels that Lebov's relatives and friends -- who had significantly less frequent contact with her -- would not confront the reality of her condition.Myrna Lebov died on July 4, 1995, after drinking a mixture of water, honey, and antidepressants that Delury prepared for her.At one point, Delury wrote a poem for Myrna which read in part: My God! I have lovedyou!With a love that ought to overthrowThe gates of death.… (more)
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George Delury was sentenced to six months in a New York prison for assisting the suicide of his wife, which state laws specifically forbid. Such cases ordinarily do not reach the courts, but Delury kept a diary in which he agonized over how he could help Myrna Lebov, his wife of twenty-two years, end her suffering. The police found the diary and accused him of murder. Confined to a wheelchair since 1991, Lebov, who was afflicted with multiple sclerosis, an incurable and fatal disease, vacillated between a desire to die and a wish to live, between depression and euphoria. Delury fought with his own feelings of frustration as he became increasingly overwhelmed by the stress and isolation of caring for his wife. He wrote in his diary: "My problem: if she asks for the poison now but seems very depressed, should I comply? Is she still autonomous? If l comply, I may be serving my own interests more than hers. If I don't, she may be losing her last chance to make the decision".Delury describes with heartrending candor how the woman he loved had become the focus and burden of his existence, and the dilemma he faced, to help her fulfill her wish to die even though doing so might break the law.Lebov's relatives, however, claim that Delury pushed her toward death, by making her feel that she was a burden to him. Delury, in turn, feels that Lebov's relatives and friends -- who had significantly less frequent contact with her -- would not confront the reality of her condition.Myrna Lebov died on July 4, 1995, after drinking a mixture of water, honey, and antidepressants that Delury prepared for her.At one point, Delury wrote a poem for Myrna which read in part: My God! I have lovedyou!With a love that ought to overthrowThe gates of death.

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