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The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of…
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The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband (original 2012; edition 2012)

by David Finch

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4362657,278 (3.69)11
At some point in nearly every marriage, a wife finds herself asking, What is wrong with my husband?! In David Finch's case, this turns out to be an apt question. Five years after he married Kristen, the love of his life, they learn that he has Asperger syndrome. The diagnosis explains David's ever-growing list of quirks and compulsions, his lifelong propensity to quack and otherwise melt down in social exchanges, and his clinical-strength inflexibility. But it doesn't make him any easier to live with.Determined to change, David sets out to understand Asperger syndrome and learn to be a better husband-no easy task for a guy whose inability to express himself rivals his two-year-old daughter's, who thinks his responsibility for laundry extends no further than throwing things in (or at) the hamper, and whose autism-spectrum condition makes seeing his wife's point of view a near impossibility.Nevertheless, David devotes himself to improving his marriage with an endearing yet hilarious zeal that involves excessive note-taking, performance reviews, and most of all, the Journal of Best Practices: a collection of hundreds of maxims and hard-won epiphanies that result from self-reflection both comic and painful. They include "Don't change the radio station when she's singing along," "Apologies do not count when you shout them," and "Be her friend, first and always." Guided by the Journal of Best Practices, David transforms himself over the course of two years from the world's most trying husband to the husband who tries the hardest, the husband he'd always meant to be.Filled with humor and surprising wisdom, The Journal of Best Practices is a candid story of ruthless self-improvement, a unique window into living with an autism-spectrum condition, and proof that a true heart can conquer all.… (more)
Member:benruth
Title:The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband
Authors:David Finch
Info:Scribner (2012), Hardcover, 240 pages
Collections:Your library, Read but unowned
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The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch (2012)

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» See also 11 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 26 (next | show all)
David Finch has autism, a diagnosis he embraced gleefully as an explanation as to why his marriage cooled off about as soon as it began. Indeed, he brings an autistic focus to trying to understand how he deviates from what he calls marital "best practices." In doing so, he pulls no punches in explaining his behavior. He is even unflinchingly honest about when his flaws are not well-explained by his autism, for instance in exploring his sexist assumptions about gender dynamics in a marriage.

Unflinching honesty can sometimes be discomfiting in a memoir (see Alison Bechdel's "Are You My Mother?"), but in this case, the combination of Finch's dry humor and his commitment to self-improvement together allow it to be humorous, or at the very least, viewed empathetically. ( )
  settingshadow | Aug 19, 2023 |
If you have someone with Aspergers in your life, this is a pretty interesting read. It's clear why this couple's marriage was about to fall apart before the husband's diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. It is also remarkable that by sheer will and education he was able to become more attune to his wife's needs and become a better husband and father. I would love to hear this story from the wife's perspective. ( )
  CarolHicksCase | Mar 12, 2023 |
I waffle on memoirs, so this was already not bound to be my favorite. I appreciated Finch's candor and perspective, but he drove me NUTS. I am trying not to be judgy here, but I have a hard time when people make bad life choices. ( )
  DrFuriosa | Dec 4, 2020 |
When a guy married to the ideal gal discovers that he is the problem, in his obsessive-compulsive way, he goes on a quest to become the perfect husband. Engagingly written, it kept my interest to the end.

This book chronicles his hyperactive detail-oriented quest to go from a self-centered routine-obsessed individual to one who is aware of other's feelings and ultimately to acquire the ability to relax and enjoy (at least to some extent) social situations. ( )
  bread2u | Jul 1, 2020 |
"I was thirty years old and had been married five years when I learned that I have Asperger syndrome" starts the book, which is an account of how he worked - in a very Asperger manner - to mend their relationship. The Journal of Best Practices is what he called the notes he wrote to himself, such as "Ask if it's a good time to talk," and "Apologies do not count when you shout them." The book is a marvel, showing in the most candid manner possible his lack of empathy, his self-absorption, his obsessiveness, and his rigidity while he earnestly worked to approximate what it is to be a reasonably normal husband and father. The book provides a good insight into what it means to be on the spectrum; I'm afraid much of his behavior makes far too much sense to me and it would be perhaps more of a revelation to someone not as obsessive and solitary as I am. ( )
  dmturner | Jun 29, 2020 |
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At some point in nearly every marriage, a wife finds herself asking, What is wrong with my husband?! In David Finch's case, this turns out to be an apt question. Five years after he married Kristen, the love of his life, they learn that he has Asperger syndrome. The diagnosis explains David's ever-growing list of quirks and compulsions, his lifelong propensity to quack and otherwise melt down in social exchanges, and his clinical-strength inflexibility. But it doesn't make him any easier to live with.Determined to change, David sets out to understand Asperger syndrome and learn to be a better husband-no easy task for a guy whose inability to express himself rivals his two-year-old daughter's, who thinks his responsibility for laundry extends no further than throwing things in (or at) the hamper, and whose autism-spectrum condition makes seeing his wife's point of view a near impossibility.Nevertheless, David devotes himself to improving his marriage with an endearing yet hilarious zeal that involves excessive note-taking, performance reviews, and most of all, the Journal of Best Practices: a collection of hundreds of maxims and hard-won epiphanies that result from self-reflection both comic and painful. They include "Don't change the radio station when she's singing along," "Apologies do not count when you shout them," and "Be her friend, first and always." Guided by the Journal of Best Practices, David transforms himself over the course of two years from the world's most trying husband to the husband who tries the hardest, the husband he'd always meant to be.Filled with humor and surprising wisdom, The Journal of Best Practices is a candid story of ruthless self-improvement, a unique window into living with an autism-spectrum condition, and proof that a true heart can conquer all.

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