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Loading... Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon a Project, Read Samuel…| 684 | 28 | 30,544 | 
(3.35) | 7 | Biography & Autobiography.
Home Design & DĂ©co
Self-Improvemen
Nonfictio
HTML: In the spirit of her blockbuster #1 New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin embarks on a new project to make home a happier place.
One Sunday afternoon, as she unloaded the dishwasher, Gretchen Rubin felt hit by a wave of homesickness. Homesickâ??why? She was standing right in her own kitchen. She felt homesick, she realized, with love for home itself. â??Of all the elements of a happy life,â?ť she thought, â??my home is the most important.â?ť In a flash, she decided to undertake a new happiness project, and this time, to focus on home.
And what did she want from her home? A place that calmed her, and energized her. A place that, by making her feel safe, would free her to take risks. Also, while Rubin wanted to be happier at home, she wanted to appreciate how much happiness was there already.
So, starting in September (the new January), Rubin dedicated a school yearâ??September through Mayâ??to making her home a place of greater simplicity, comfort, and love.
In The Happiness Project, she worked out general theories of happiness. Here she goes deeper on factors that matter for home, such as possessions, marriage, time, and parenthood. How can she control the cubicle in her pocket? How might she spotlight her familyâ??s treasured possessions? And it really was time to replace that dud toaster.
Each month, Rubin tackles a different theme as she experiments with concrete, manageable resolutionsâ??and this time, she coaxes her family to try some resolutions, as well.
With her signature blend of memoir, science, philosophy, and experimentation, Rubinâ??s passion for her subject jumps off the page, and reading just a few chapters of this book will inspire readers to find more happ… (more) |
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To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labour tends.
Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, No. 68  "Safe, safe safe," the heart of the house beats proudly. "Long years---" he sighs. "Again you found me." "Here," she murmurs, "sleeping; in the garden reading; laughing, rolling apples in the loft. Here we left our treasure---" Stooping, their light lifts the lids upon my eyes. "Safe! safe! safe!" the pulse of the house beats wildly. Waking, I cry "Oh, is this your buried treasure? The light in the heart."
Virginia Woolf, "A Haunted House" | |
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For Elizabeth | |
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A "happiness project" is an approach to the practice of everyday life. | |
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Why, I often wonder, is it difficult to push myself to do the things that bring happiness? Current research shows, and casual observation confirms, that some people are temperamentally more cheerful or gloomy than others, and that people's ideas and behavior also affect their happiness. About 30 to 50 percent of happiness is genetically determined; about 10 to 20 percent reflects life circumstances (such as age, gender, health, marital status, income, occupation); and the rest is very much influenced by the way we think and act. We possess considerable power to push ourselves to the top or bottom of our natural range through our conscious actions and thoughts. We often deny the importance of possessions, or feel embarrassed by our enthusiasm for them, but the desire to possess has roots very deep in human nature. There's a lassitude deep in my soul; I always have to fight my urge to do nothing. "Wear everything, as much as you can," she advised. "Wear it out! It's not doing any good hanging in your closet. And instead of wearing the same few things over and over, try to wear all your clothes." Clean as I go. When I found stale corn flakes in the a silverware drawer, or a clump of toothpaste dried to the medicine-cabinet shelf, I took the time to clean up, instead of making the empty promise "I'll deal with that later." Surfaces should be used for activities, not storage, I instructed myself, and I cleared surfaces wherever possible. Think about appearances. I wanted my apartment to be less cluttered, and also to look less cluttered. The endowment effect meant that objects I owned—even ones I'd never much liked or used—made a claim on me, and the longer I owned them, the higher I perceived their value to be. Mise en place is preparation, but it's also a state of mind. Nothing is more satisfying than working easily and well. happiness is not having less; happiness is not having more; happiness is wanting what I have. Declaring that we'd all be happy with more, or with less, is like saying that every book should be a hundred pages long. Studies show that celebrating good news, and showing the happiness you feel in your partner's accomplishments, small and large, strengthens a relationship. Being silently supportive isn't very effective. This common, seemingly unremarkable, gesture is highly noxious; it's one of the clearest signs of problems in a relationship. Even when eye rolling is paired with smiles or laughter, it's a sign of contempt, intended to make a partner feel unworthy, and signals trouble. When I'm reluctant to take a risk or face something uncomfortable, I ask myself the Five Fateful Questions that I've pulled together over the years to help me make difficult choices:
What am I waiting for?
What would I do if I weren't scared?
What steps would make things easier?
What would I do if I had all the time and money in the world?
If I were looking back at this decision, five years from now, what will I wish I'd done? Choose the bigger life. Being willing to drive would enlarge my life. But while I felt the urge to do as little as possible, I knew I was happier when I took time for projects, when I made efforts that marked the seasons. And, as always, once the decorations were up, I enjoyed the festive air in our apartment. Although we think we act because of the way we feel, we often feel because of the way we act. Showing levity is less about being funny and more about being able to have fun and see the more humorous side of everyday situations—especially difficult situations. People getting along harmoniously—in a family, among friends, or in an office—make an effort to enter into the interests of one another's lives. I thought again about that line from Saint Therese: "It isn't enough to love; we must prove it." It summed up one of the cruel Secrets of Adulthood: You get more of what you have. When you feel friendly, people want to be your friend. When you feel attractive, people are attracted to you. When you feel loving, others act lovingly toward you. This truth is cruel because so often, you want others to give you what you lack. We all have to find happiness for ourselves. Happy people make people happy, but
You can't make someone be happy, and
No one else can make you happy. One of my Twelve Personal Commandments is to "Identify the problem." I'm often surprised by how effective this is. Instead of thoughtlessly accepting a situation, I ask myself, "What's the problem?" and often, by forcing myself to understand the exact nature of the problem, I identify a solution. In his book The Relationship Cure, relationship expert John Gottman emphasizes the importance of responding to "bids"; when someone makes an attempt to connect with a touch, question, gesture, comment, or look, we should answer with a comment, a laugh, or some kind of acknowledgment. To be attentive and playful is best; to be nonresponsive, critical, or sarcastic is hurtful. Happily married men ignore wives' bids 19 percent of the time; wives, 14 percent of the time. In unhappy marriages, husbands ignore wives' bids 82 percent of the time; wives, 50 percent of the time. Gottman points out that although sometimes people intentionally ignore a bid, more often, they don't respond because they're preoccupied: reading, watching TV, sending an email, hurrying to get something done. Nevertheless, the person making the failed bid feels diminished and frustrated when the bid is ignored. Family traditions mark time in a happy way and give a sense both of anticipation and continuity. Research shows that traditions, routines, and rituals boost physical and emotional health. "Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always beyond your grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." People tend to overestimate what can be done in the short term, and underestimate what can be done in the long term, a little bit each day. As the First Splendid Truth makes clear, the feeling of growth and movement toward a goal is very important to happiness—just as important, and perhaps more important, than finally reaching that goal. Lying, too, can be an important signal. A friend told me, "I knew I had to get control of my children's TV time when I heard myself lying to the pediatrician about how much TV they watched." An important exercise for happiness, I realized, was to look for ways to eliminate the causes of unhappiness, or if that wasn't possible, to deal constructively with negative emotions and difficult situations. those who aid the causes they value tend to be happier and in better health. They show fewer signs of physical and mental aging. And it's not just that helpful people also tend to be healthier and happier; helping others causes happiness. | |
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▾References References to this work on external resources.  Wikipedia in English (1)
▾Book descriptions Biography & Autobiography.
Home Design & DĂ©co
Self-Improvemen
Nonfictio
HTML:In the spirit of her blockbuster #1 New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin embarks on a new project to make home a happier place.
One Sunday afternoon, as she unloaded the dishwasher, Gretchen Rubin felt hit by a wave of homesickness. Homesickâ??why? She was standing right in her own kitchen. She felt homesick, she realized, with love for home itself. â??Of all the elements of a happy life,â?ť she thought, â??my home is the most important.â?ť In a flash, she decided to undertake a new happiness project, and this time, to focus on home.
And what did she want from her home? A place that calmed her, and energized her. A place that, by making her feel safe, would free her to take risks. Also, while Rubin wanted to be happier at home, she wanted to appreciate how much happiness was there already.
So, starting in September (the new January), Rubin dedicated a school yearâ??September through Mayâ??to making her home a place of greater simplicity, comfort, and love.
In The Happiness Project, she worked out general theories of happiness. Here she goes deeper on factors that matter for home, such as possessions, marriage, time, and parenthood. How can she control the cubicle in her pocket? How might she spotlight her familyâ??s treasured possessions? And it really was time to replace that dud toaster.
Each month, Rubin tackles a different theme as she experiments with concrete, manageable resolutionsâ??and this time, she coaxes her family to try some resolutions, as well.
With her signature blend of memoir, science, philosophy, and experimentation, Rubinâ??s passion for her subject jumps off the page, and reading just a few chapters of this book will inspire readers to find more happ ▾Library descriptions No library descriptions found. ▾LibraryThing members' description
| Book description |
One Sunday afternoon, as she unloaded the dishwasher, Gretchen Rubin felt hit by a wave of homesickness. Homesick—why? She was standing right in her own kitchen. She felt homesick, she realized, with love for home itself. “Of all the elements of a happy life,” she thought, “my home is the most important.” In a flash, she decided to undertake a new happiness project, and this time, to focus on home.
And what did she want from her home? A place that calmed her, and energized her. A place that, by making her feel safe, would free her to take risks. Also, while Rubin wanted to be happier at home, she wanted to appreciate how much happiness was there already.
Â
So, starting in September (the new January), Rubin dedicated a school year—September through May—to making her home a place of greater simplicity, comfort, and love. | |
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