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Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art…
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Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (edition 2014)

by Douglas Stone (Author), Sheila Heen (Author)

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366853,821 (3.96)12
"The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers-but also family, friends, and in-laws-they all have "suggestions" for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development-but we dread it and often dismiss it. That's because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life's blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace. The business world spends billions of dollars and millions of hours each year teaching people how to give feedback more effectively. Stone and Heen argue that we've got it backwards and show us why the smart money is on educating receivers- in the workplace and in personal relationships as well. Coauthors of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, Stone and Heen have spent the last ten years working with businesses, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. With humor and clarity, they blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice. The book is destined to become a classic in the world of leadership, organizational behavior, and education"--"The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers--but also family, friends, and in-laws--they all have "suggestions" for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development--but we dread it and often dismiss it. That's because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life's blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace"--… (more)
Member:francishemingway
Title:Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
Authors:Douglas Stone (Author)
Other authors:Sheila Heen (Author)
Info:Viking (2014), Edition: 1, 368 pages
Collections:Your library
Rating:
Tags:to-read

Work details

Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (Even When It Is Off Base, Unfair, Poorly Delivered, And, Frankly, You're Not in the Mood) by Douglas Stone

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» See also 12 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 8 (next | show all)
It took me 6 months to get through this one, not because it's at all bad but because I'm generally just sort of resistant to this sort of nonfiction. So much of it seems like common sense, so I feel like I'm wasting my time reading it, though it was neat to see some of my own evolution at receiving feedback recorded pretty faithfully in the book. In the end, there is a fair bit of pretty practical advice, and it's a useful book, though I think I would have preferred an abridged version. The many scenarios the authors share are useful for illustrating the points they illustrate, but if you already kind of get the point from the simple statement of it, the scenarios feel a little like fluff. Actually I think this sort of book is probably very well suited to hypertext, with a rough outline, more detail on each section, and links to scenarios for further reading. I dog-eared a fair bit of stuff at about the midpoint and then a bunch more in the last fifth or so of the book. ( )
  dllh | Jan 6, 2021 |
DNF. It was fine, but after renewing it the maximum number of times and just not finding it compelling enough to stick with, I sent it back. Mostly the advice seemed to be "tamp down the defensiveness for long enough to be sure you know what the critical feedback is, then decide how to respond to it."
1 vote andrea_mcd | Mar 10, 2020 |
This is a great read! ( )
  Jimbeat | Sep 23, 2019 |
Het kan zinvol zijn om managers te leren feedback te geven, anders gezegd hoe ze effectiever kunnen duwen. Zelden opent harder duwen de deur naar echte verbetering. De nadruk - op het werk en thuis - zou op de ontvangers van de feedback moeten liggen, zodat we allemaal betere leerlingen worden. De truc is het creëren van trekkracht. Daarmee start Feedback is een cadeautje, de vertaling van Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (2014) van Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen. Feedback is eigenlijk 3 verschillende dingen met verschillende doelen: waardering (motiveert en moedigt aan), coaching (helpt kennis, vaardigheid, capaciteit en groei aan te scherpen of brengt gevoelens in de relatie ter sprake) en beoordeling: geeft je aan hoe je ervoor staat, brengt verwachtingen op één lijn en is van invloed op besluiten.
De schrijvers onderscheiden ook 3 triggers: waarheid (de feedback is onjuist, oneerlijk, niet behulpzaam), relatie (ik verdraag deze feedback niet van jóú) en identiteit (de feedback is bedreigend en ik ben uit mijn evenwicht). Met deze bouwstenen wordt een ruim 400 (!) pagina's tellende uitwerking gedaan met zoveel voorbeeldgesprekken, dat het je makkelijk duizelt. Het begint met begrip. Waar komt de feedback vandaan en waar gaat het feedback gesprek naartoe? Dit om een vollediger beeld te krijgen. We hebben allemaal onze blinde vlekken, dode hoeken worden ze in het boek genoemd. Ook kunnen gesprekken ontsporen of op twee verschillende sporen gaan, bijvoorbeeld relatie en identiteit. Het is belangrijk stappen terug te kunnen zetten en vanuit rollen of organisatie of systeem naar de in de feedback beschreven situatie of gedraging te kijken. Vervormingen, overdrijvingen, mogen ontmanteld worden, zodat je met het cadeau echt aan de slag kunt. Het boek eindigt met tips over het echt effectief krijgen van goede bedoelingen omzetten in de praktijk. ( )
  hjvanderklis | Sep 4, 2015 |
The performance evaluation: every person whose had a job for more than six months has been there…captively sitting and listening to a laundry list of your faults or the infuriating, “You’re doing great,” with nothing added for improvement. Or the worst—the “feed-back sandwich”—where your faults are wedged in between what you do well. The entire time, you are frozen in fear. Then, you stew over the negative things said about you. Then you complain about what a waste of time it’s all been. Managers and supervisors are often trained, workshopped, and coached about how to give good feedback. But the work is lost if the person they are evaluating isn’t receptive.

Thanks for the Feedback is vital for anyone who wants to learn how to be better—a better parent, a better spouse, a better employee—because it teaches how to accept various kinds of feedback. This is not instructions on how to grow thicker skin, though. Stone and Heen use their own experience as consultants and Harvard lecturers and copious amounts of research in organizational behavior and psychology to explain exactly what feedback is and why it’s so hard for us to do anything constructive with it. In the first part of the book, the authors explain different types of feedback (appreciation, coaching, and evaluation). Then, they take us through the “triggers” that cause us to react badly to feedback (truth triggers, relationship triggers, identity triggers). Once we understand exactly what they have learned is going through our minds when we hear feedback, they explain what to do about it. They share conversation techniques, negotiation suggestions, and lots of problem solving tricks.

This book is an excellent combination of popular psychology, self-help, relationship advice, and career building. I recommend it for anyone who has a serious desire to improve their communication and listening skills. Or for anyone with a performance evaluation coming up. ( )
  kaelirenee | Nov 15, 2014 |
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"The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers-but also family, friends, and in-laws-they all have "suggestions" for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development-but we dread it and often dismiss it. That's because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life's blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace. The business world spends billions of dollars and millions of hours each year teaching people how to give feedback more effectively. Stone and Heen argue that we've got it backwards and show us why the smart money is on educating receivers- in the workplace and in personal relationships as well. Coauthors of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, Stone and Heen have spent the last ten years working with businesses, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. With humor and clarity, they blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice. The book is destined to become a classic in the world of leadership, organizational behavior, and education"--"The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers--but also family, friends, and in-laws--they all have "suggestions" for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development--but we dread it and often dismiss it. That's because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life's blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace"--

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