I was expecting a different kind of book. Instead of a narrative describing spiritual growth that would provide me with insight and encouragement, this was a memoir written by a homesick, lonely young woman with doubts about her mental stability. In addition, much of the book focuses on the turmoil and tumult of new motherhood. Although she was prompted to write because of her longing for a deeper connection to God, she has a distorted impression of God including difficulty believing that God loves her or that her life has value.

Halfway through the book she begins to meet regularly with a spiritual therapist, when she feels “the darkness slink back in again. Finally I’m recognizing it, this black smoke settling into the creases of my mind. I don’t think I’m depressed, but I do think something’s wrong; something has been wrong for several months. All this time I’ve written it off as loneliness, homesickness. But I know there’s more. I know it has to do with prayer.”

I’m not qualified to analyze her, but I agree with her observation that something is wrong – and it’s more than an issue of prayer. I appreciate how she honestly shares her concerns regarding her sanity. Add to that are her feelings of discouragement, as she is home alone every day with a toddler, while pregnant with baby number two. Her vivid descriptions of morning sickness brought back my own memories. Similarly, I had my three children (three under five years old) while also living in San Francisco, so I could identify with some of her experiences of being far away from family, with a husband who was at work every day, dealing with the mundaneness of early motherhood.

I agreed with one of the author’s friend's advice, “I think you can torment yourself inside your own head or you can bring the thoughts into the light of day. Sometimes you get them out of you and into prayer, they look different. They look a lot more hopeful.”

I do hope with insightful friends, her therapist, and God’s grace, she finds the stability and confidence she was seeking while writing this book.

So in summary, this book is not an uplifting advice-filled devotional, but instead it’s a journal of one woman’s spiritual journey, as she struggles with mental stability, her desire to be a good mother and wife, and her quest for a deeper connection with God. ( )

Lovely writing and even better reflections on recovering spirituality and self after having a kid (and then another). I look forward to recommending this far and wide. ( )