The "5 Paths to the Love of Your Life" are explained by some of the top representatives of each viewpoint, and they each provide a solid description of what their paths entails theologically and practically.

From the editor’s introduction, it is that their is no one right way of doing relationships, but hopefully we all can appreciate the strengths of each methodology. And by the Spirit’s empowering discernment, may we find our own niche and personal dating style from all the biblical principles described.

Common Ground

While each of the 5 paths may do dating or courtship differently, there are many areas of agreement between them (as noted in the concluding chapter). Each method places a priority on the role of families and social groups in the relationships of singles and couples. Each method is marriage minded and does not take lightly the importance of preparing for that covenant. Each method strives to be biblical and God-honoring, forsaking all worldly ideas of what a relationship should look like. With all these areas of agreement, how then is any good Christian supposed to discern which path to take?

First, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving we all must let our requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6 reminds us that we ought to pray about everything, and that includes this touchy, often-difficult-to-discuss topic of dating and courtship. Second, we should “stop trying to find the right person, and start being the right person.” Or as Jeramy and Jerusha Clark said, “before you can find someone worth finding, you must first become someone worth being found.” (165) In other words, we must work on ourselves first before we consider finding someone to share a godly relationship. Our priority needs to be on becoming godly men and women of God who know His Word. We ought to discipline ourselves for the purpose of godliness (1 Timothy 4:7-8), training ourselves to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age (Titus 2:12).

And as we are on that road towards godliness, that is when God takes our individual differences and uses them for declaring His praises to the world.

Different People, Different Styles

The following continuum from betrothal to dating (202) provides a useful way to compare the views represented in the book. The fact of the matter is simply that different people have different styles of doing relationships. Some people may have had negative past experiences with one method, and so they may do things differently the second (or third, or fourth, etc.) time around. We all have a history, and since there is no “right” way of sharing godly relationships, we must carefully discern by prayer and Scripture how best to respond to our past and move forward in this earthly pilgrimage. Here then is a good place for a serious word of caution: be prepared to compromise and be flexible with your chosen/preferred style or path. For who knows, God may give you a “dater” while you are in the middle of a non-dating phase of your life — this would be the perfect time to contextualize and apply all this head-knowledge into a tangible, Christian response to what God provides.

A serious misconception of singles I have received from an engaged couple who has dated, is the explicit implication that I thus should date because it has worked for them. I am sure some of you have at one time or another experienced this yourself. This is first and foremost rude, and second, intrusive to one’s private life and personal theology. I have no problem with people who do date; I have problem with those who do courtship; nor do I have any problem with those who do betrothal. What I do have issues with is those of one method imposing their way of doing things on me and trying to convert me to their method of doing a relationship.

There is a time and place and personality for each method, but we must understand that we all go through different circumstances, and thus different measures and methods need to be taken. For those who have been hurt or have failed numerous times in the past with the dating method (for example), it may not be appropriate then to tell them about the ‘wonders’ of dating since they clearly are not in the time of life for that. We should on the other hand listen, listen, and pray for our brothers and sisters, in spite of whatever circumstances they find themselves in. We all need friends who can support us in good times and bad, friends who love God and can love us despite all our flaws — this is the kind of friendship where we mutually care for each other and give biblical wisdom in times of need.

Of First Importance

Reading this book and mulling over its contents has been a great benefit for me. I am much more knowledgeable about the different paths that are out there, and have become more aware of the possibility of the clashing of persons who use different paths. But even as God has given us these different paths for finding a mate for our time on earthly, we must not become enamored nor too focused on walking the right path. Rather, in all things and on every path that we take in life, we must ensure that we are committed to following the Way, Jesus Christ our Lord. For He is ultimate, and our relationship with God is of first importance beyond any earthly relationship we can ever have.

While we may be different people with different styles of how we relate to each other, we still are united together by His blood. This is what we must always keep in mind, that we are brothers and sisters in Christ. And for this very reason, let us love one another with brotherly affection, and outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10).

See here for a full review: http://www.sixsteps.org/2008/01/27/one-way-many-paths-different-people-different... ( )