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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (1999)

by Marshall B. Rosenberg

Other authors: See the other authors section.

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1,986316,061 (4.18)10
Enrich your personal and work relationships with the art of compassionate communication. What if you could defuse tension and create accord in even the most volatile situations just by changing the way you speak? Over the past 35 years, Marshall Rosenberg has done just that, peacefully resolving conflicts in families, schools, businesses, and governments in 30 countries on 5 continents.… (more)
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» See also 10 mentions

English (21)  Spanish (4)  German (3)  Korean (1)  Dutch (1)  French (1)  All languages (31)
Showing 1-5 of 21 (next | show all)
i feel, therefore i am ( )
  djsj | Dec 24, 2020 |
The book started off quite strong. I really enjoyed the first few chapters with the exercises and all.
However, the last like half of the book didn't feel that useful/meaningful. It was mostly expansions and a few more examples of earlier topics. That being said, I did enjoy this book and recommend reading the first few chapters for some great strategies for getting in touch with others.

Here are my notes from the book:
Ch1
A light intro to the framework of sharing what you: saw, felt, need, request. The idea is to share and receive openly.

Ch2
When we judge others in terms of rightness or wrongness they get defensive. Comparing yourself to others blocks compassion. Denial of responsibility ("I have to", "it's policy") leads to self alienation.

Ch3
It can be very difficult to observe people without evaluating them. Try splitting up the observation and evaluation when talking about it.
There is some funny poetry here.

Ch4
Expressing feelings in the English language is way trickier than I expected. We often express other things like wants, observations, judgements, and more in their place.

Ch5
We should take responsibility for our feelings. Recognize the others maybe the stimulus but we ultimately cause our own feelings.

Ch6
Express what you want, not what you don't want. Use concrete actions to express what you want instead of vague or abstract ideas. When in a group you need to be clear about what response your expecting.

In India when people have received the response they want in conversations they initiated they say "bas" (pronounced "bus"). It means you need not say more I feel satisfied and ready to move on.

Ch7
Nearly all those who think they have the capacity [of empathy] do not possess it. instead of offering empathy we tend instead to give advice or reassurance and explain our own position or feelings.

Ch8
This chapter is a bunch of examples of how to use empathy.
"instead of being engaged in an exchange of life energy with other human beings, we see ourselves becoming waste baskets for their words"
Bring a conversation back to life by interrupting with empathy. Ex: "I hear you're feeling a lot of pain about this..." is often what people need to hear. Then the subject can change more naturally once they feel heard.

Ch9
Using NVC to care for yourself.

Ch10
Some examples of how to express anger.

Ch11
When you make the connection, the problem usually solves itself.
Describes how to use NVC for conflict mediation.

Ch12
This chapter said it's bad to use punishment because if you want people to do something because they under and not because they're scared then that won't happen. The example in the end about the do-nothing room where students can go voluntarily if they want was great.

Ch13
NBC helps us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.

Ch14
Express appreciation to celebrate, not to manipulate.
This says we should avoid false humility but doesn't explain how.
"what appreciation might someone give you that would leave you jumping for joy?" Seems a good question.
The chapter talks about appreciating the good things people do rather than just picking on them when they mess up. This is something scrum seems to help with.
We can use NVC when giving compliments by saying what they did what we felt and what needed fulfilled. ( )
  raybb | Aug 27, 2020 |
Ostensibly, this is a book about how to communicate effectively when resolving conflicts between people. Actually, it's about so much more than that. It's about how to use empathy to understand yourself and others. Once you have that empathy, a lot of conflicts will resolve themselves. Just reading the book gave me a lot of insight into some of my own emotions and inner conflicts, and I know it will be useful in handling some conflicts in my own life. The tools and methods in the book require a lot of practice/experience to use effectively - I will probably revisit this book often. Fortunately, it is well-organized and all the major points are in big print and summarized at the end of chapters, so the book is easy to skim for a refresher. ( )
1 vote Gwendydd | Mar 8, 2020 |
3rd ed. Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand, and diagnose--to think and communicate in terms of what is 'right' and 'wrong' with people. At best, communicating and thinking this way can create misunderstanding and frustration. At its worst, it can lead to anger, depression, and even emotional or physical violence. This book uses stories, role-plays, and real-world examples to introduce the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process.
  PAFM | Dec 21, 2019 |
Grâce à des histoires, des exemples et des dialogues simples, ce livre nous apprend principalement:
- à manifeser une compréhension respectueuse à tout message reçu,
à briser les schémas de pensée qui mènent à la colère et à la déprime,
- à communiuqer en utilisantle pouvoir guérisseur de l'empathie.
  ACParakou | Nov 28, 2019 |
Showing 1-5 of 21 (next | show all)
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» Add other authors (34 possible)

Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
Marshall B. Rosenbergprimary authorall editionscalculated
Dorp, Jan Carel vanEditorsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Gandhi, ArunForewordsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Soelen, Chiel vanTranslatorsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Veen, Pieter van derTranslatorsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
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Enrich your personal and work relationships with the art of compassionate communication. What if you could defuse tension and create accord in even the most volatile situations just by changing the way you speak? Over the past 35 years, Marshall Rosenberg has done just that, peacefully resolving conflicts in families, schools, businesses, and governments in 30 countries on 5 continents.

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Book description
Nonviolent Communication is a simple process that facilitates the flow of communication necessary to exchange information and resolve differences compassionately. It is based on identifying universaly shared standards and needs. NVC can be practically applied in educational institutions, business and industry, social service agencies and politically charged situations, as well as family and personal relationships.

Nonviolent Communication encourages people to use language that increases goodwill. It teaches people how to avoid language that creates resentment or lowers self esteem. It emphasizes compassion as the motivation for actions, rather than fear, guilt, shame or blame. It also emphasizes personal responsibility for our choices. Nonviolent Communication can be used effectively even without the other person's or group's knowledge of the process.

Marshall Rosenberg has rediscovered the lost language of humankind, the language of a people who care about one another and long to live in harmony. He guides us in reframing the way we express ourselves and listen to others by focusing our consciousness on four areas: what we are observing, feeling, and needing and what we are requesting to enrich our lives.

The skills he teaches foster deep listening, respect, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.
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