Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

The American culture lives by what Susan Cain terms the Extrovert Ideal, where we are expected to brainstorm, work in open office plans, and collaborate with peers on school projects. For the third to half of the population that are introverts, however, these scenarios can be difficult. Cain uses both personal stories and scientific studies to argue that introverts are simply wired differently and can bring a unique set of strengths if given the ability to work in their own way.

For an introvert like me, I found Quiet a really rewarding and validating experience. I fortunately have not dealt with the stigma that sometimes comes from being quiet and introspective and have learned to adapt in environments where I temporarily need to act show more more extroverted, as well as allowing myself downtime. I appreciated her approach in never claiming that extroverts or introverts are inherently better, just different, and we each have something to learn from the other. Some of the studies had really surprising outcomes, including aspects of my personality that I never connected to being an introvert. Highly recommended reading for introverts and extroverts alike. show less

I cried with relief reading Cain's words. How freeing to learn that my "highly sensitive" nature - unnerved by violence and the evening news, super-conscientious, drained by crowd situations, even being made edgy by caffeine -- is researched, valid, normal and even holds power for good.

After growing up ashamed for dissolving into tears, wearing my heart on my sleeve, or stammering a defense of my "thin skinned" response to bullying or criticism, Cain's book is a breath of fresh air for this introvert.

Reading this has been an epiphany for me; I fit almost 100% into the description of an introvert. I wish someone had explained this to me years ago. Things that I thought were a problem are simply natural for the type of person I am. And there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Many of our greatest minds are and have been introverts. Now, if anyone tells me I should make more of an effort to socialize in big groups (where I do not feel comfortable), or learn how to chit chat about meaningless things, or stop being so serious or so sensitive, I can ignore them (or if I'm in a good mood, explain why that isn't necessary or true). Cain also explains about extroverts and how our society (most of western society) is prejudiced in show more favor of extroverts, how classrooms and open-plan offices are set up for them, and much more. As the blurb on the back says, "For far too long, those who are naturally quiet, serious or sensitive have been overlooked. The loudest have taken over -- even if they have nothing to say." show less

Rating: 4.5 of 5

You know what really burns my biscuits? I had a long, insightful handwritten review all ready to post. Then, two weeks ago, I returned Quiet to the library. And where do you think I'd stuck that review for safekeeping? Uh huh. In the dang front flap of the book. Ugh. So now the review's gone, along with all the notes I'd taken whilst reading. Live and learn, I s'pose: don't forget you filed your review in a borrowed book.

Onward to what I remember lovin' about Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking:

* An interesting examination of how our culture has adopted the "Extrovert Ideal."

* I never felt the author was saying, "Introverts are better; therefore, everyone should be an introvert." Instead, show more throughout the book, there were repeated messages of BALANCE. I really dug that vibe because the world really does need both.

* Tons of research. You could tell the author did her homework and not just for a year or two, but several years of focused research. Plus, there were 45+ pages of source notes.

* The content was structured in an accessible way. Research findings would be introduced and then a real world example would follow which illustrated the thesis of that research.

* Empowerment for introverts! My whole life I'd heard all the comments probably most every introvert has heard: "You think too much;" "You analyze too much;" "Why does your face turn red when you talk to people;" "Why don't you go to more parties or have more friends;" "How can you stand to work at home, be alone, for so long;" and on and on. After reading Quiet, for the first time ever, I embraced those comments, appreciated them. They were just recognizing the person I always knew I was but thought wrong in some way, even though I loved those things about myself (well, except for the blushing).

My only teensy complaint would be I wish there had been more elaboration on raising introverted children and how to enhance/improve relations between introverts and extroverts, especially in personal relationships.

Quiet's definitely on my must-buy list. show less

Over the last few years I have been coming to grips with my introversion. Not in a "now I can survive the day" kind of way, but more of an awareness around why I get cranky as hell after being at a mall all day, or why sometimes when I get home I'd rather curl up with a book than talk with my wife. It's been one of those great settling events that happens after your grey hairs start coming in.

I first ran into [a:Susan Cain|4101935|Susan Cain|http://d.gr-assets.com/authors/1315319296p2/4101935.jpg]'s big quiet brain after watching her TED talk based on the book. I read the foreword in a local bookstore and then patiently waited until the 239 people in front of me on the library waiting list had read it and returned it. Then I abandoned show more that plan and bought the book.

I was not disappointed.

This is a thoroughly written and well footnoted book that takes a multi-faceted approach to the quiet half of the human race. Reading this book was, for me, like reading my own instruction manual. There were quite a few "Aha!" moments and my only wish was that I'd read it 20 years ago. Which never would have happened, because 10 year old me would be thoroughly uninterested in reading a book that is 25% sources an annotations to back up the scores of studies, interviews and points made in the book.

I gave this four stars because "I really liked it" but it wasn't amazing. For me, amazing is I-cannot-put-this-down-and-spend-every-waking-hour-reading and this was a more casual approach, which is to take nothing away from the content. The content is amazing, but there are very few books that can get through as much science as this book does while keeping things interesting.

So, in a sentence, if you're an introvert - you owe it to yourself to read this book. In one more sentence, if you're an extrovert, you owe it to introverts to read this book. show less

This was an incredible book. Well researched and written in a way that makes nearly everything relatable. Filled with anecdotes and interviews with psychologists, researchers and introverts; Cain is best when relating the stories of introverts she has met while doing her research for this book (herself among them).

About a year ago, we figured out I was an introvert and the more I read, the more my life makes sense. America is seen as the most extroverted country in the world, yet one third to one half of people are introverts, which explains many of the difficulties our society has. Being loud and boisterous is valued more than being quiet and thoughtful. Many of us become ill spending all our energy trying to fit in and fix ourselves show more when there's nothing to be fixed. (I actually had a friend tell me she wanted to "fix this for you," while organizing a stress management workshop as I balked at participating. Turns out not going was actually one of the better decisions I've made for myself.)

I highly recommend [Quiet] to anyone wanting to know about themselves if they are introverts, and about introverts in general.

Knowing that about myself has become one my most valuable assets. show less

Frustratingly, Susan Cain's lucid and well-researched book Quiet would be most useful to those who would be unable or unwilling to appreciate it. Better as a cultural commentary than a pop-psychology book (an early chapter tracing the Western shift from a culture of character to a culture of personality is well done), Quiet argues that the value of introverts is drastically undersold in a society that rewards extroversion, confidence and networking.

Cain argues persuasively for the merits of introversion in the workplace and in social lives, and against the knock-on effects of extrovert dominance (not only the financial collapse of 2008 (Chapter 7) but "anxiety as the natural product of a society that was both dog-eat-dog and show more relentlessly social" (pg. 29)) and against self-help of the slick Dale Carnegie sort ("such advice… must have made even reasonably confident people uneasy" (pg. 23). She argues against meddle-management shibboleths like the open-plan office and multi-tasking (both found to be draining on productivity (pp84-5)) and, rather than our current zero-sum game, stresses the need to "find a balance between action and reflection" (pg. 170).

This, of course, is all interesting stuff, and backed not only by social and psychological studies (one found that the highest-performing traders at an investment bank were introverts (pp162-3)) but by empirical science (for example, skin conductance tests have found that introverts, the so-called 'thin-skinned', do in fact react more strongly than extroverts to external physical stimuli (pp141-2)). For an introvert, Quiet will often be an "empowering lens through which to view your personality" (pg. 124). "If there is only one insight you take away from this book," Cain writes early on, "I hope it's a newfound sense of entitlement to be yourself" (pg. 15). She has achieved this, and the book will be an exercise in validation for introverted readers.

However, the working world, and the social world, remain geared towards extroverts. I can't help but think that, for all our studies and our self-help seminars and our increasingly conscientious approach to living life to maximise our ability, so much of our day-to-day behaviour is determined by our more primitive urges and biases. For all our refinements, we let our brains run in the biological equivalent of DOS mode. It's too much to be consciously attentive to the acute value of introverts all the time; whether through laziness, ignorance or mental exhaustion, eventually we would return to the self-perpetuating cycle of mistaking confidence for competence and energy for excellence. Quoting another author, Cain reminds us that "meritocracy ends on graduation day" (pg. 194) and, even if we can recognise the merits of another approach, the shy, intelligent kid is never going to lead the class, the quiet, diligent job-seeker is never going to pass the interview, and the sober, studious policymaker is never going to win the election. Our DOS brains tell us those people are weak, losers, not a patch on that power-dressed extrovert with the false smile and the hustle and the phone full of half-remembered business contacts.

And I think it will always be this way. Success, or victory, they say, is a poor teacher – so why would the thriving extroverts want a change? And even when the effects of extroversion are alarming, such as the 2008 financial crash, we end up returning to the old ways anyway. Things are too ruthless, the margin between success and failure too slim, for anyone, even an introvert, to not play the game anymore. When Cain rightly warns against the extrovert dominance, questioning whether we should want to "become so proficient at self-presentation that we can dissemble without anyone suspecting" (pg. 33), I think there are many introverts who would be happy with that state of affairs. Anything for the illusion of an advantage, and the assurance that the rules of the game are simple: bluff, eye contact and confidence, however faked. Surely anyone can do that, we think. Only it reduces us, reduces our society, and reduces compelling books like Quiet to mere validation, a preaching to the choir, rather than any sort of provocative agent of change. Cain's book is dwarfed by the mass complacency of human nature. show less