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Nobody's Victim: Fighting Psychos, Stalkers,…
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Nobody's Victim: Fighting Psychos, Stalkers, Pervs, and Trolls (edition 2019)

by Carrie Goldberg (Author)

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564368,662 (4)None
Nobody's Victim is an unflinching look at a hidden world most people don't know exists--one of stalking, blackmail, and sexual violence, online and off--and the incredible story of how one lawyer, determined to fight back, turned her own hell into a revolution.    "We are all a moment away from having our life overtaken by somebody hell-bent on our destruction." That grim reality--gleaned from personal experience and twenty years of trauma work--is a fundamental principle of Carrie Goldberg's cutting-edge victims' rights law firm.     Riveting and an essential timely conversation-starter, Nobody's Victim invites readers to join Carrie on the front lines of the war against sexual violence and privacy violations as she fights for revenge porn and sextortion laws, uncovers major Title IX violations, and sues the hell out of tech companies, schools, and powerful sexual predators. Her battleground is the courtroom; her crusade is to transform clients from victims into warriors. In gripping detail, Carrie shares the diabolical ways her clients are attacked and how she, through her unique combination of advocacy, badass relentlessness, risk-taking, and client-empowerment, pursues justice for them all. There are stories about a woman whose ex-boyfriend made fake bomb threats in her name and caused a national panic; a fifteen-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted on school grounds and then suspended when she reported the attack; and a man whose ex-boyfriend used a dating app to send more than 1,200 men to ex's home and work for sex. With breathtaking honesty, Carrie also shares her own shattering story about why she began her work and the uphill battle of building a business. While her clients are a diverse group--from every gender, sexual orientation, age, class, race, religion, occupation, and background--the offenders are not. They are highly predictable. In this book, Carrie offers a taxonomy of the four types of offenders she encounters most often at her firm: assholes, psychos, pervs, and trolls. "If we recognize the patterns of these perpetrators," she explains, "we know how to fight back."   Deeply personal yet achingly universal, Nobody's Victim is a bold and much-needed analysis of victim protection in the era of the Internet. This book is an urgent warning of a coming crisis, a predictor of imminent danger, and a weapon to take back control and protect ourselves--both online and off.… (more)
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Title:Nobody's Victim: Fighting Psychos, Stalkers, Pervs, and Trolls
Authors:Carrie Goldberg (Author)
Info:Plume (2019), 304 pages
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Nobody's Victim: Fighting Psychos, Stalkers, Pervs, and Trolls by Carrie Goldberg

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This book has a lot of interesting, and often heart-breaking, stories. The teenage girls raped by classmates and then slut-shamed and punished by their schools. The man tormented by fake profiles being made in his name on Grindr, and Grinder refused to do anything about it. Carrie's own stories of trauma and abuse were vivid and wrenching. She is a Jewish woman who was raped and had a swatiska burned into her. The accounts of abuse in this book are horrifying. Reading these stories taught me a lot more about power and the abuse of it, about trauma and the effects of it, and how abuse and trauma play out in the digital space. Sextortion was one cyber-crime I'd never heard of, and reading about how children are manipulated by sick individuals into performing humilating sexual acts...I just can't...it was a lot.

I think Carrie Goldberg is amazing for the work that she does for victims like the ones in this book. May she continue to do what she is passionate about for many years to come.

Now, for my criticisms of the book. Often modern feminism falls into casual misandry. That was a huge problem in this book. She muses that although there are good men, so many stories of powerful men abusing their power keep coming out, there MUST be something fundamentally wrong with men, something in them that is innately predatory, and all it takes is enough power for a man to become an abuser.

This is a horrible way to view men. I hope it needs not be explained WHY this is horrible.

Not only is the book misandrist, it's just boringly repetitive in its misandry.

On page 7: "What makes them so terrifying is that many of these unhinged men-and they are almost always men-are compelled by the same impulses that trigger other offenders to drive cars into groups of protestors and fire assault rifles into churches, synagogues, and schools."

Then three pages later, on page 10: "Typically a guy (and it's almost always a guy) feels bad (as in jealous or humiliated), but instead of handling his emotions like a normal adult, he goes full asshole.."

See what I mean? The sentence structure is the same and everything, and she does this many times throughout the book.

I'd prefer if feminism took a systemic approach to fighting oppression, rather than painting MEN-the collective hivemind, I guess-as the enemy.

There's also just a lot of stuff that isn't backed up by anything, so I just don't believe her. I don't think she's lying. But I think her worldview is one that seeks out oppression and finds victimhood where there is none. She believes what she is saying is true, but it probably isn't. Like when she says that she hates being asked what she does for self-care, because her male colleagues never get this question. How does she know that? Did she ask them? Is she constantly around them? The way she just says this and expects us to believe her without any further details, it just gives me victimhood feminist vibes. I feel like she's the type to run around crying that women's pants don't have pockets, even though....yes, yes they do. Target and Kohls are full of female pants with pockets. A lot of her little quips gave me the same kind of "whiny modern feminist ignoring reality for victimhood points" vibes.

Then there's the "Hey, fellow kids" vibe of this book. Just...holy shit, the way this lady uses slang like she's some hip young person about to Reach Deeez kids!-but then goes on to explain the slang, liek she's speaking some foreign language or something. My GOD. The cringe.

Here are a few examples:

On page 174, in a section about porn, she actually explains what a facial is.
????????????????
Even if you've never heard the term "facial" in a sexual connotation, if you are a human adult and not an alien from the outer reaches of space, then I feel like you can figure it out from context.

She explains the term "Dox" on page 180.

She tells readers to POS means 'Piece of Shit'-what decade did this woman come from? Who doesn't know that? Who was her target market?

I also felt like this book, while it delves into deep and important issues in a very detailed work and therefore is a meaningful piece of feminist literature, it didn't add anything new to feminist ideology. Slut-shaming is wrong. Rape is wrong. Stalking is wrong. Online harassment is wrong.
All feminists already agree on that. This doesn't challenge or add to the feminist ideology, and because of that, I think marketing it as a feminist work makes little sense. She can be an attorney representing victims of cybercrime without making it a feminist thing. She has plenty of stories of male victims in the book too (and yay her! I liked that male victims were included), but this proves that this isn't soley a woman's issue.

The book also represents Men's Rights Activists and Incels in a disingenious way. I have spent a fair bit of time in these manosphere communities as part of research for my own writing projects. MRAs are fighting for important issues that affect men that feminists do not care about. Incels are (largely from I have seen) mysoginistic. There are isolated communities of incels that are pretty chill (like incelistan.net and r/incelswithouthate) but I'll give this one to Goldberg, they are misogynists. BUT only 4 mass shooters have come out of incel communities. The Columbine fangirl communities have produced more (attempted and caught) mass shooters than that. It isn't fair to blame an entire community for Elliot Rogers and Alek Minnassian, when such a small number of incels have gone on to do harm. I think it'd be more telling to look at the suicide rate for that community. And at the very least hold deviant female-majority online communities to the same standards. I'm waiting for somebody to do a deep dive on those Columbine fangirls. They on Tumblr right now incubating their next mass shooter. But they're female, so you know, women am I right? What are they gonna do /s

Lastly, the book just has a very r/thathappened vibe. I really felt like a lot of anecdotes should have ended with "and then everybody clapped." Maybe they originally did and her editor cut it out.

She really likes to brag about wearing heels like it's an accomplishment. And at the end of the book when she tries to paint this emotional call-to-action she talks about her "army of warriors" clacking down the road in heels.

Are you against gender coding or not? Women have to wear uncomfortable and frankly, unhealthy, footwear to be taken seriously professionally? And she lets us know that her senior clients would "give her hell" if she didn't wear her heels. I feel like..no...no they didn't give a shit. But also if she's a strong feminist, why isn't she making her own decisions about her footwear? The whole thing with her bragging about high heels was weird, and coupled with the cringey author's photo, I get the sense she's trying to sexualize herself, which is odd considering the serious content of the book.

Also, "Army of Warriors" I found myself both bewildered and annoyed everytime this phrase was used. It's so painfully redundant.
What the hell else would an army be made of?

I wish that detailed description of Nazi Dr.Mengels' work would have had a bit more of a lead-in. If you're going to vividly depict the torture and gruesome deaths of children, I think there should be more of a drawn-out foreshadowing leading up to it. Yes, I knew the chapter was about her work with holocaust survivors, but I felt like that part came out of nowhere and I would have opted to skip it if I'd known she was going to get THAT dark.

All in all, Carrie Goldberg does important work. I admire what she does for victims and cyber-law.

She shouldn't write anymore books. She needs a ghostwriter who is less of an obnoxious man-bashing feminist. I'm not saying ALL feminists are obnoxious and man-bashing, I am saying that this particular feminist is obnoxious and man-bashing.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk XD
( )
  Jyvur_Entropy | Jan 11, 2021 |
When I requested this book from Netgalley, I had no idea how engrossing, moving, unnerving, overwhelming, and important it would be. Nobody's Victim is Carrie Goldber's memoir of the work she has done as a Victim's Rights attorney. She represents clients that have been assaulted, humiliated, stalked, and harassed in the digital age - something that is crucial these days.

The stories of her clients gave me chills, and made each of the issues personal. The author's own stories were heartbreaking and inspirational, because they set her on a path forward.

In a fiercely feminist, accessible way, Goldberg tells readers that she believes, you are enough, and she won't stop fighting for you. ( )
  ChelseaMcE | Mar 19, 2020 |
“My name is Carrie Goldberg and I’m a victims’ rights lawyer. Some people call me a “passionate advocate” or a “social justice warrior.” I’d rather be called a ruthless motherf*cker.”

This is how Carrie Goldberg introduces herself in the bold and utterly compelling Nobody’s Victim: Fighting Psychos, Stalkers, Pervs, and Trolls. Goldberg is a lawyer whose firm, C.A. Goldberg, PLLC, specialises in representing those who are targeted by offenders that use the internet to stalk, harass, intimidate, extort, or otherwise cause them harm.

Carrie has an intimate understanding of the issues her clients face, the inspiration for establishing her law firm came when she was victimised by an ex who tormented her for over a year with, among other things, a flood of hateful texts and emails, threats to post intimate pictures online, false allegations made on social media to friends and family, and a vexatious criminal charge. She was frustrated, frightened and near suicidal to discover the law could not protect her from his unreasonable rage.

While (US based) tech companies shield themselves from responsibility by exploiting a piece of legislation known as Section 230 of the CDA, the legal system moves too slowly to put adequate protections in place, and too many (white men) in power support the status quo, Carrie fights hard for the recognition of her clients rights to safety, privacy and dignity.

In sharing the stories of some of her clients, who include a thirteen year old girl who was excluded from attending school after reporting that she was raped by a fellow student, a young man whose ex used the Grindr app to send more than a thousand strangers to his door, a woman forced to go into hiding when she was doxed in a troll attack, and the five women who accused Weinstein of sex crimes, triggering the #metoo movement, Goldberg illustrates the grim failures of society to protect girls and boys, women and men, from the psycho’s, stalkers, pervs and trolls who target them, and leads the fight to protect them.

“There’s help if you need it and an army of warriors ready to stand by your side. You matter and you don’t have to fight this battle alone. You are nobody’s victim”

I would not hesitate to recommend Nobody’s Victim to everyone, this is a thought provoking, honest, and important expose of an injustice that demands attention and support to resolve. ( )
  shelleyraec | Nov 20, 2019 |
A detailed, engaging overview of the various ways sexual assault and harassment harm their targets, and the ways Goldberg‘s law office sought relief for her clients. Provides insights into ways lawyers can address internet-facilitated attacks that are traumatic and often sustained, yet difficult for individuals/regular law enforcement to effectively put a stop to. Definitely recommend anyone targeted by attacks of this kind bringing the book along to meet with a lawyer - not all lawyers are equally adept at thinking outside the box, and this provides next-steps that a lawyer can translate to actions based on the laws of their own state.

Several of the strongest parts of the book, in terms of engaging and visceral writing, are where the author exposes her own encounters with sexual assault and sexual harassment.

My caveats: some of the studies she cites are outdated (19th century theory of mob behavior! really?) or controversial (Dworkin on pornography). And her mention of Sesta-Fosta isn‘t nuanced - though that's to be expected given her focus on using it to fight for her clients. Content warnings apply for sexual assault, antisemitism, and suicidal ideation. ( )
  akaGingerK | May 5, 2019 |
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Nobody's Victim is an unflinching look at a hidden world most people don't know exists--one of stalking, blackmail, and sexual violence, online and off--and the incredible story of how one lawyer, determined to fight back, turned her own hell into a revolution.    "We are all a moment away from having our life overtaken by somebody hell-bent on our destruction." That grim reality--gleaned from personal experience and twenty years of trauma work--is a fundamental principle of Carrie Goldberg's cutting-edge victims' rights law firm.     Riveting and an essential timely conversation-starter, Nobody's Victim invites readers to join Carrie on the front lines of the war against sexual violence and privacy violations as she fights for revenge porn and sextortion laws, uncovers major Title IX violations, and sues the hell out of tech companies, schools, and powerful sexual predators. Her battleground is the courtroom; her crusade is to transform clients from victims into warriors. In gripping detail, Carrie shares the diabolical ways her clients are attacked and how she, through her unique combination of advocacy, badass relentlessness, risk-taking, and client-empowerment, pursues justice for them all. There are stories about a woman whose ex-boyfriend made fake bomb threats in her name and caused a national panic; a fifteen-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted on school grounds and then suspended when she reported the attack; and a man whose ex-boyfriend used a dating app to send more than 1,200 men to ex's home and work for sex. With breathtaking honesty, Carrie also shares her own shattering story about why she began her work and the uphill battle of building a business. While her clients are a diverse group--from every gender, sexual orientation, age, class, race, religion, occupation, and background--the offenders are not. They are highly predictable. In this book, Carrie offers a taxonomy of the four types of offenders she encounters most often at her firm: assholes, psychos, pervs, and trolls. "If we recognize the patterns of these perpetrators," she explains, "we know how to fight back."   Deeply personal yet achingly universal, Nobody's Victim is a bold and much-needed analysis of victim protection in the era of the Internet. This book is an urgent warning of a coming crisis, a predictor of imminent danger, and a weapon to take back control and protect ourselves--both online and off.

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