He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

A no excuses guide to understanding guys? I couldn’t help but wonder if authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (of Sex and the City) were full of shit… And yet, their simple adage has a certain element of Truth: guys are not nearly as complex as we think they are when it comes to dating. At least, maybe they aren’t if we don’t allow them to get away with the bs excuses that make women think that dating is a “game” to be played (and presumably won). Exploring concepts as simple as “he’s just not that into you if he’s married” to far more complex discussions about intimacy and shared life goals, Greg and Liz treat every topic with a careful blend of humour and hard knocks. Some of their advice we definitely don’t show more want to hear, since we all want to be the exception and seeing the potential in some flawed man is most womens’ superpower (for better or worse), but it’s almost impossible not to agree with the vast majority of what they’re saying. People may have their issues (on both sides of the relationship), but if they’re going to be together there shouldn’t be any bullshit excuses not to be - sort that shit out, and be in the love that you deserve! Does reading this book mean that I’m ready to get back out there and actively find “my person?” Probably not, considering my current goals and situation, but reading this book somehow gives me hope for the future, even for all its critique of the complexities of dating. show less

While I don't necessarily agree with everything in the book, I get what the author is saying.

This slim, one hundred sixty-five page volume of humor, honesty, and tough love has given me an interesting outlook on relationships, men, women, and priorities.

Reading HJNTIY cracked me up as much as it opened my eyes. Just reading the introductions had me laughing out loud.

And sadly (and most embarrassingly), we [men:] would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you [women:] simply, 'You're not the one.' -- Greg Behrendt, pg 6

But the situation is hopeless, so I broke the news to her: 'He's just not that into you.' -- Greg Behrendt, pg 5

I like this book because it's so refreshing to hear the tough love. Typical self-help show more relationship books are full of the whys and hows. This book isn't about the hows and whys -- it's about realizing your priorities, it's about realizing that we need to move forward, it's about coming to terms with the myth of "mixed messages."

Women can run themselves ragged over-analyzing. Men basically say everything through their actions. Women are frustrated to no end by the lack of a man's ability to be like us -- i.e. talk, emote, over-analyze. HJNTIY makes me realize I'm never going to understand men. It makes me realize I can either over-analyze and ignore the present or I can have a cry, shrug, and find the guy that I really deserve. show less

I never read relationship help books like this, so I was really happily surprised to find this was gold. All the psychiatrists in the world wouldn't give such good advice. It's like someone extracted all the common sense from all the most sensible and sensitive women who ever lived and put it in concentrated form in this book.

And, even better the authors are totally upfront that they are comedic writers and not experts. They're people and that's why they know. I was cynical and thought they were just out to make money and a product. But this book is actually really useful and needed to be shared. It's great that they add that, of course, everyone's different and has to make their own decisions.

It was a surprising read that didn't show more pretend to be more than it is. And, I have to admit, it actually seems like the authors care about the topic and women. I'm pretty cynical, but maybe I've been taken in. Still, it was fun to read and its message bears consideration. show less

This book was recommended to me by a friend. She told me that it is just the kick up the ar@e that single girls like us need. I don't read a great deal of non-fiction, but I am an SATC fan, and knowing that the authors were writers on the programme helped me decide to give He's Just Not That Into You a shot.

First of all, it's funny. Relationships can be that way when you're not involved in them. Secondly, Greg Behrendt is so straight-talking it will make you wince, but the hook with this book is that he's a guy claiming to understand guyspeak and guy behaviour. Whether you want to hear the truth or not, Greg is going to tell you anyway. And it isn't sugar-coated, as your female friends might make it.

The upshot, for those looking for a show more shortcut to the heart of the matter in matters of the heart, is that if a male is really interested in a female, he will let her know. He will pursue her for a date, phone when he promises to, and treat her well. Greg's premise is that if any of this is NOT happening, then he's just not that into you. For a guy, it's really that simple (says Greg). If you are a lady and you are dealing with a male who cannot treat you as you deserve to be treated (i.e. with respect), then it is your responsibility not to settle: "don't waste the pretty".

A female perspective is provided by Liz Tucillo, who contributes a sort of call and response to Greg's advice in the book. And it's just as well, because Greg's harsh advice was starting to have me wondering whether he intends for us all to stay single for the rest of our lives. Liz is also direct, in that she points out to Greg that it is extremely hard to find any of these wonderful men that he claims exist out there. She knows, because she's 41, single and living in NYC - very SATC. I know a fair few single ladies myself - well-educated, attractive, well-travelled, and inexplicably single. They expect a lot from their partners and are usually disappointed, and they already have these standards. It's a bit like SATC but without the wardrobe budget. Not pretty. Few of us know many eligible single males - perhaps they're all in LA hanging out with Greg.

Some of the "you're worth it" cheering in the book (yes, from Greg) can get a little irritating. Some of the anecdotes are too ridiculous for words, but also strangely feasible. Liz evens him out, but they both have valid points to make, and provide handy checklists and tongue-in-cheek exercises to help us along. The humour saves it all from sounding worthy or preachy, and even if you're not single, you should find it quite entertaining.

So, if your dates aren't going well, their advice is to stand strong. Have some standards about what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Stick to those standards. And get rid if you see the signs that he's just not that into you. Greg swears that there are men out there who are just waiting to treat us as though they are definitely into us.

Simple? Oh yes. These standards are what's keeping us single in the first place. And so it goes. show less

The perfect balance between telling the harsh truth a bit... well... harshly, and offering a gentle, compassionate acceptance of the current you, doing the best you can at the moment. Greg is the harsh one, no-nonsense, whatever. And Liz is the one balancing it out. Understanding that you don't want to settle for less, but there doesn't seem to be a high number of suitable candidates for such high expectations as honesty and being a normal grown-up person of the sex you are attracted to. Or even a low number. Anyway, if you have to be told, this is the book to turn to. And then just try to be fine on your own. Oh, yes, don't forget: romcoms are about the exceptions, not the rules. But chances are, you are the rule, not the exception.* show more (This is why making a romcom based on this book was basically slaughtering the original idea. Oh well.)

*It has to be noted that sometimes you are the exception. show less

Ok, I shall preface by saying that this book was not what I thought it would be, and therefore, I was not in the correct state of mind when I read it. That said, I still really enjoyed it.

I just went through... well, it's difficult to say what it was. I wouldn't quite call it a break up b/c we were never going out officially, but whatever it was, it ended... sort of suddenly & very emotionally (for me at least). I wont' go into details, b/c hell! I don't even know you ppl! Anyway, I was looking to cheer myself up, so I said to myself,"Self, why don't you read that book you just got."

I traded for it on another site, knowing that it was the book that the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" was based off of. I thought it would be the same show more story-like thing. A fictitious piece of hilarity that would cheer me up and bring me out of my miserable, blue state. I was incorrect in this mindset.

It's the book the movie was based off of, yes, but it's a funny, cute, snarky little self help sort of book. It was hilarious, or rather it would have been if I didn't see some of the excuses I'd made for what I'd just gotten out of pop up in there. It made me cry; I'll admit it. It was also difficult for me to read. The parts that weren't related to me made me chuckle quite a bit though.

Am I glad I read it? Yes. Do I wish I'd read it earlier or MUCH later? Definitely. Don't read something like this right after you split with somebody. You see the excuses you made for them to all your family and friends and whomever and realize how foolish you sounded. And I'll tell you what, it hurts. These two give you the God's honest truth about it all, but it still hurts. Make sure you are in the right state of mind to read this book. I cannot stress that enough, so I will say it again. Make sure you are in the right state of mind to read this book. show less

I happened upon this book on the free shelf as a local used book store. It's a funny approach to helping women realize when a guy isn't really into her.

It's light, and a bit glib at times, but it was just right for me right now. The author is very much like an older brother who expects more from the men you date than you do - and he's usually right. While it's more about when to bail on a crappy romance than how to find a really good one, it does have a lot to offer. If nothing more, it may help you to articulate what you /don't/ want in a romance, and it may help you see what's really there, instead of what you'd like to see. That latter lesson is one I have to keep re-learning.