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Intimacy and Solitude: Balance, Closeness,…
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Intimacy and Solitude: Balance, Closeness, and Independence (edition 1996)

by Stephanie Dowrick

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286291,562 (3.57)1
Love is the most 'natural' thing in the world. Yet we make and break relationships routinely, often without really understanding why. Bestselling author Stephanie Dowrick reveals how in order to meet that desire for rewarding relationships, we must first start with ourselves.
Member:lesleywomenscenter
Title:Intimacy and Solitude: Balance, Closeness, and Independence
Authors:Stephanie Dowrick
Info:W.W. Norton & Co. (1996), Paperback, 352 pages
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Intimacy and Solitude by Stephanie Dowrick

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Look, 50% of non-fiction books are too long, and 95% of self-help books are too long, so invariably this book is 145% too long (according to my understanding of Bayes' theorem). However, it's still a great book. The basic gist is this: if you are unhappy or uncomfortable around others, it's probably because you are unhappy or uncomfortable on your own. If you can't be happily alone with others, then when you're with others you'll be terrified of being left alone. This really describes me. I am not capable of sitting comfortably alone for five minutes at a party. I'm also not happy alone in solitude. I thought I was, but Dowrick patiently explained how actually I'm not and she's 100% correct.

It's all very confronting and challenging, but Dowrick is a gentle, warm-hearted guide. She gives the sense that she's still learning and thinking about this stuff - that it's not settled and that if you disagree with anything, you don't need to throw away the whole lot. Her descriptive passages are lovely - evocative and varied and celebratory rather than judgemental. I skipped over a fair bit of the section on sex, because it seemed to echo [b:The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment|174777|The Erotic Mind Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment|Jack Morin|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1355968284l/174777._SY75_.jpg|168833], which I think probably does a better job of covering the topic. ( )
  robfwalter | Jul 31, 2023 |
This did take me some time to get through but was well worth the effort. I never realised the importance of solitude in your life and how introspection helps you relate to others better. A life changing book. ( )
1 vote booksbooks11 | Dec 23, 2008 |
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Dedication
For Lisa Alther and Joanna Ryan
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Self: Is that who I am?
Quotations
To transform the world, we must begin with ourselves. However small may be the world we live in, if we can transform ourselves, bring about a radically different point of view in our daily existence, then perhaps we shall affect the world at large, the extended relationship with others. J. Krishnamurti
Hope sleeps in our bones like a bear waiting for spring to rise and walk. Marge Piercy, 'Stone, Paper, Knife'.
'Come sit down beside me', I said to myself, and although it doesn't make sense, I held my own hand as a small sign of trust and together I sat on the fence. Michael Leunig 'Sitting on the Fence'.
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Love is the most 'natural' thing in the world. Yet we make and break relationships routinely, often without really understanding why. Bestselling author Stephanie Dowrick reveals how in order to meet that desire for rewarding relationships, we must first start with ourselves.

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W.W. Norton

An edition of this book was published by W.W. Norton.

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