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Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are taken in by a series of oddball relatives and others after their wealthy parents are killed in a fire. The first to take them in is the dastardly and cunning Count Olaf, who is only interested in their inheritance.
Count Olaf: I must say, you are a gloomy looking bunch. Why so glum?
Klaus Baudelaire: ...Our parents just died.
Violet Baudelaire: 'Dearest children - since we've been abroad we have missed you all so much. Certain events have compelled us to extend our travels. One day, when you're older, you will learn all about the people we have befriended and the dangers we have faced. At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey. We hope to have you back in our arms soon, darlings, but in case this letter arrives before our return, know that we love you. It fills us with pride to know that no matter what happens in this life, that you three will take care of each other, with kindness and bravery and selflessness, as you always have. And remember one thing, my darlings, and never forget it: that no matter where we are, know that as long as you have each other, you have your family. And you are home.'
Violet Baudelaire: Dinner is served. Puttanesca.
Count Olaf: What did you call me?
Klaus Baudelaire: It's pasta... Pasta Puttanesca.
Count Olaf: Where's the roast beef?
Klaus Baudelaire: Roast beef?
Count Olaf: Beef, yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted!
Count Olaf: Now that we're a family, I can be the ulll-timate DAD.
Klaus Baudelaire: Doesn't it strike you odd that none of our relatives are related to us?
Count Olaf: Children are strange and foreign to me. I never really was one. I do know that they are an important part of the ecosystem.
Count Olaf: Why aren't you orphans in the kitchen preparing dinner?
Violet Baudelaire: Dinner?
Count Olaf: It's the French word for the evening meal.
Count Olaf: All that I ask is that you do each and every little thing that pops into my head, while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind.
Count Olaf: I will raise these orphans as if they were actually wanted!
Lemony Snicket: There are two kinds of fears. Rational and irrational. Being afraid of realtors is an irrational fear.
Count Olaf: Hello, I'm looking for Dr. Montgomery Montgomery. My name is Stephano, I am an Italian man.
Count Olaf: Sure, I get the good parking spots, but who could love a man with one leg and a face like a hen's arse?
Lemony Snicket: This would be an excellent time to walk out of the theater, living room, or airplane where this film is being shown.
Count Olaf: [speaking to his Acting Troupe] Now, who shall play the most handsome count in all the world?
[strikes an awkward pose]
Hook-Handed Henchman: Would you do it, sir?
Count Olaf: Oh, all right!
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Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are taken in by a series of oddball relatives and others after their wealthy parents are killed in a fire. The first to take them in is the dastardly and cunning Count Olaf, who is only interested in their inheritance.
shamela | Aug 7, 2006 | 
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