Well, it is identifiably and pure unadulterated Edward D. Wood Jr. alright. Other than that, I’m not sure it’s worth reading. There are definitely phrases and content in here that you would expect such as “manly manness” and “human honey” but there are also not-so-anticipated phrases such as “rivers of spit” which occurs several times. The novel is laughably bad with only Wood’s identifiably eccentric turns of phrase and the porn to keep the reader going. However, there is too much “ripping” and “bleeding” in there ala Olympia/Ophelia Press type “erotica” to be truly enticing (to me anyway). I did laugh out loud at a few spots though such as:
“You don’t know me very well. When I make up my mind it stays made. And you can stop playing with my prick. It’s not going to do you any good.”
Tanya looked down to the massive hard-on. “I see that it does no good.”
Danny slapped the hell out of the well used purple head and it immediately went down. “What you can raise up, I can sure as hell knock down.” [pg. 96]
It was the picture of the main character slapping “the hell” out of his own dong that cut me up.
There is some kitsch to catch here and even though the book is inarguably an example of bad writing, I was semi-entertained by its shear badness and a few WTF moments although some of the more outlandish and nasty porn scenes had little impact on me as compared to some other (better and/or actually shocking) pornography I have read.
As for the vampire at the end, I hesitate to say “surprise vampire” the coffin wherein Madame Heles lay is mentioned throughout giving the game away, did have me let out another laugh and I laughed even harder after I closed the book when I realized that there was no purpose to her being a vampire at all.
“Some reside in bathtubs… others in gutters and others still out on the grass under the rain and with their bare asses on the ground under a blanket of snow. Madam Heles prefers the coffin. It is her only abode. She has her own desires, her own loves, her own way of going about life. And one must marvel in her acceptance in that she has gained the one thing all of us have been trying to do all our lives. She has found out where it really is at.["] [pg. 92]
I would not really recommend this one due to the low quality of writing but if you want to read messed-up weird porno in the voice of Ed Wood then by all means this is the one. Different strokes, I guess.
“It’s real cum, you know. We store it up from the masturbators.” [pg. 87]
The only mention of this idea in the book btw. ( )