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On Romantic Love: Simple Truths about a Complex Emotion (Philosophy in Action)

by Berit Brogaard

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Romantic love presents some of life's most challenging questions. Can we choose who to love? Is romantic love rational? Can we love more than one person at a time? And can we make ourselves fall out of love? In On Romantic Love, Berit Brogaard attempts to get to the bottom of love's many contradictions. This short book, informed by both historical and cutting edge philosophy, psychology, and neuroscience, combines a new theory of romantic love with entertaining anecdotes from real life and accessible explanations of the neuroscience underlying our wildest passions. Against the grain, Brogaard argues that love is an emotion; that it can be, at turns, both rational and irrational; and that it can be manifested in degrees. We can love one person more than another and we can love a person a little or a lot or not at all. And love isn't even always something we consciously feel. However, love - like other emotions, both conscious and not - is subject to rational control, and falling in or out of it can be a deliberate choice. This engaging and innovative look at a universal topic, featuring original line drawings by illustrator Gareth Southwell, illuminates the processes behind heartbreak, obsession, jealousy, attachment, and more.… (more)
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Mixed in with the philosophical discussion is a lot of psychological results, case studies of individuals experiencing irrational love, descriptions from fiction and media, and description of personal experiences, so it can be a little overwhelming to make sense of the topic. It seems funny that someone hasn't written something like this earlier, to my knowledge. The chapters are organized by theme drawing from all these disparate sources to draw some kind of conclusion, though not all of them end up with an airtight answer for the reader. Also I thought at first there was a distinction being drawn between a "feeling" and an "emotion," with one of them more fleeting than the other one, but I'm thinking that I might have gotten that wrong. It seems clear that the act of falling in love can happen very quickly for no clear reason, leaving the rest of the personality with the problem of what to do with this strong drive when it threatens the stability of other aspects of life. In the next to last chapter, the author sets forward some practical strategies for reducing or eliminating a love that has proven to be troublesome either because the other person is gone, destructive, imaginary, or simply uninterested, but it stops short of coming off like an advice book by not advocating one surefire strategy (beyond the passage of sufficient time). Given the amount of ink which has been spilled all through history about the trials of romantic love, I'm a little uncertain whether this book, short as it is, has been a fair treatment of every worthwhile suggestion without obviously neglecting some important thinking about the matter. I did enjoy reading it and would be interested in taking a look at her other works of nonfiction.
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  rmagahiz | Jul 9, 2020 |
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Romantic love presents some of life's most challenging questions. Can we choose who to love? Is romantic love rational? Can we love more than one person at a time? And can we make ourselves fall out of love? In On Romantic Love, Berit Brogaard attempts to get to the bottom of love's many contradictions. This short book, informed by both historical and cutting edge philosophy, psychology, and neuroscience, combines a new theory of romantic love with entertaining anecdotes from real life and accessible explanations of the neuroscience underlying our wildest passions. Against the grain, Brogaard argues that love is an emotion; that it can be, at turns, both rational and irrational; and that it can be manifested in degrees. We can love one person more than another and we can love a person a little or a lot or not at all. And love isn't even always something we consciously feel. However, love - like other emotions, both conscious and not - is subject to rational control, and falling in or out of it can be a deliberate choice. This engaging and innovative look at a universal topic, featuring original line drawings by illustrator Gareth Southwell, illuminates the processes behind heartbreak, obsession, jealousy, attachment, and more.

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