Some truth here, but be careful of extrapolating insights about abusers and tyrants to everyday bossy people. Very short on the "Deal with" promise in the subtitle. Kind of goes off the rails at the end. ( )

Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins

I liked the first sections of the book but believe the author went beyond her experise toward the end of the book. Patricia makes some excellent points about mental expectations of others and the impact of this on efforts to control others. She takes the concepts to their logical extremes in cases of violence, war, hate groups, and bigotism. Unfortunately, Patricia appears to have had an improportionate number of males who are controlling of their wives in her practice. This seems to bias her opinions. Additionally, Patricia appears to have a quasi-spiritual emphasis in her ending chapters, which is her opinion and has little scientific or logical basis. The book has some valuable concepts but you are forced to listen to some of her irrational concepts as well. ( )

This book is very helpful for understanding the process of certain people to gain control over others and what drives them to do it. While visible abuse which violates a person's physical boundaries is usually easy for most adults to recognize, there is another more common violation of personal boundaries that often goes unnoticed - the trespassing of psychic boundaries. After providing a brief sketch of some of the traits of a controlling person, this book begins with the description of what psychic trespassing is and then goes on to describe the people-controlling process. We are told this process starts with mostly unconscious violations of a victim's psychic boundaries allowing external definitions and "backwards connections" that are made easy by the victim's infirm internal state. We learn that victims controlled in this way have been largely disconnected from their innate powers to feel, sense, intuit, and think often in an effort to earn the love of a parent or the respect of an authority figure.

As I read the book, there were many "aha" moments. It made a lot of sense but may go too far in that it hints at an ultimately cold world -- a world of always needing to be on the lookout for controlling behavior. The fact is, we are built to be affirmed and validated by someone -- i.e. to be loved and to have hope. I'm sure that if she follows her own approach Ms. Evans will successfully keep people from controlling her. But she may also go into deep depression unnecessarily. If followed religiously when she is sad or feeling blue she may miss out on even life-affirming reassurances that come from people with loving intentions. Using her approach one would presumably be well advised to reject all external definitions including well-meaning consolations such as "you'll get through this" and "you'll be back on your feet in no time, you'll see". Only the person who truly needs no one at all could get by in life without affirming acts of validation and reassurance from others. ( )