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Resilience Is Futile: The Life and Death and Life of Julie Lalonde

by Julie S. Lalonde

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1721,249,141 (4.1)6
For over a decade, Julie Lalonde, an award-winning advocate for women's rights, kept a secret. She crisscrossed the country, denouncing violence against women and giving hundreds of media interviews along the way. Her work made national headlines for challenging universities and taking on Canada's top military brass. Appearing fearless on the surface, Julie met every interview and event with the same fear in her gut: was he there? Fleeing intimate partner violence at age 20, Julie was stalked by her ex-partner for over ten years, rarely mentioning it to friends, let alone addressing it publicly. The contrast between her public career as a brave champion for women with her own private life of violence and fear meant a shaky and exhausting balancing act. Resilience sounds like a positive thing, so why do we often use it against women? Tenacity and bravery might help us survive unimaginable horrors, but where are the spaces for anger and vulnerability? Resilience is Futile is a story of survival, courage and ultimately, hope. But it's also a challenge to the ways we understand trauma and resilience. It's the story of one survivor who won't give up and refuses to shut up.… (more)
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This is a very raw and personal account of Lalonde's experience with a stalker, an ex-boyfriend that she had dated for 2 years, followed by 10 years of stalking. Lalonde pulls no punches: she describes her strengths and weaknesses, her coping (in both positive and negative ways) and how her trauma informed her actions in both constructive and destructive ways. There are certainly moments where I was chilled, wanted to cry injustice or simply read to try and understand what it must be like to be in such a situation. But most of all what struck me is the misogyny that still exists, that is condoned even by our society, the doubt that is still attached to a woman's word and questions her experience and the explicit message that nothing can be done.
Since reading this book - because it is so personal and not drowned in statistics - I've become much more aware of the discourse and actions that occur at work, at home, in the public sphere and I'm a little overwhelmed by how much still needs to done to ensure the safety - let alone equality - for women and girls. ( )
  Cecilturtle | Dec 15, 2023 |
I heard Julie Lalonde speak about her experience with Xavier on CBC radio, so was very interested in reading her book. She has told her story with brutal honesty. Having been stalked by her ex for ten years, she felt like a part of herself had died. She missed the freedom most of us have in our twenties....she was always burdened by worrying about where her ex would show up next. This is an important book to show the effects of trauma and the many ways the "system" lets victims down. ( )
1 vote LynnB | Jul 15, 2021 |
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Dedicated to my twenty-year-old self. We did it, baby. We're still here.
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I hate the summer.
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For over a decade, Julie Lalonde, an award-winning advocate for women's rights, kept a secret. She crisscrossed the country, denouncing violence against women and giving hundreds of media interviews along the way. Her work made national headlines for challenging universities and taking on Canada's top military brass. Appearing fearless on the surface, Julie met every interview and event with the same fear in her gut: was he there? Fleeing intimate partner violence at age 20, Julie was stalked by her ex-partner for over ten years, rarely mentioning it to friends, let alone addressing it publicly. The contrast between her public career as a brave champion for women with her own private life of violence and fear meant a shaky and exhausting balancing act. Resilience sounds like a positive thing, so why do we often use it against women? Tenacity and bravery might help us survive unimaginable horrors, but where are the spaces for anger and vulnerability? Resilience is Futile is a story of survival, courage and ultimately, hope. But it's also a challenge to the ways we understand trauma and resilience. It's the story of one survivor who won't give up and refuses to shut up.

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