Mrs. Paxton: I saw Kevin on the high street with a blonde girl and it didn't look like they weren't talking about match of the bleedin' day either!
Jules: Kevin can shag whoever he bloody wants!
Mrs. Paxton: Honey, all I'm saying is there is a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one of them without a fella.

Jess: Anyone can cook aloo Gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?

Pinky: Who is he, then?
Jess: Who?
Pinky: You must think I've got shit for brains, lying about a job and that!
Jess: Don't tell Mum and Dad. I kept Teet a secret for you.
Pinky: He's not a Muslim, is he?
Jess: Ssh! I've been playing football for a women's team.
Pinky: Huh? It's worse than I thought!
Jess: It's a tournament with real matches!
Pinky: What is wrong with you, Jess? At least lie for something good! Don't you want a boyfriend like everyone else? You're quite pretty you know. Do your hair, some make-up, you'd look all right.

Jess: Kissing? Me? A boy?! You're mad, you're all bloody mad!

Wedding camera man: Eyes down! Look sad! Don't smile! Indian brides never smile. You'll ruin the bloody video!