Alyse Myers

a candid, often heartbreaking story about growing up in Queens in the 1960s with a verbally and sometimes physically abusive mother. Alyse Myers recalls her childhood in Queens with astute descriptions and vivid details. Some moments are purely painful and some are brimming with expectations and (almost) hopefulness. Did Alyse find a way to leave her mother’s tyrannical grasp. Did she manage to avoid the same trappings of her mother (marrying young, not getting a college education, working show more at jobs she does not particularly enjoy)? Would her mother ever change her ways?

When the book opens, Alyse and her two sisters had gathered at the mother’s apartment to divvy up her things after her funeral. Alyse realized she only wanted one item: a carved wooden box that her father had given her mother as a gift and had been kept from Alyse’s reach and prying eyes. Alyse grabbed the box and brought it back to Manhattan but she didn’t open it.

Growing up, Alyse remembered being very fond of her father who didn’t spend much time at home. Her parents fought, but Alyse adored him because he lavished her with special attention. It turned out that her father cheated on her mother. In elementary school, Alyse’s father died of cancer. Both her parents smoked extensively. Her mother became more demanding and Elyse no longer had her father as a buffer. She pulled Alyse’s hair so much that it hurt for hours afterwards. She threatened to beat her with her father’s belts if she didn’t immediately clean her room or empty the dishwasher. Without warning her mother kicked her out of the house several times, often giving her mere minutes to pack her things and leave. Elyse confided in her grandfather who turned out to be her only confidante.

Alyse’s mother would often say, “You’re just like your father.” She even made it worse by saying: “You only do what’s good for you.” Through all this turmoil, Alyse managed to get excellent grades in school. She skipped a grade and was accepted at a prestigious high school in Manhattan where she commuted from Queens for four years. When she graduated, she went to a community college and worked two jobs to save money so that she could get her own apartment and move out of her mother’s home and ultimately, away from her mother.

"If you don’t like living her, leave. You’re never here anyway. You come and go as you please and you treat this place like a hotel. You’re just like your father."

"I’d rather be like him than you."

Once Alyse was out on her own, her relationship with her mother changed a bit. Her mother’s attitude softened, particularly when Alyse married a man her mother liked and when Alyse had a daughter. The two women now had something in common. Both women wanted what was best for the little girl. Alyse began the process of forgiveness but then her mother was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer.

Alyse finally opens the wooden box 12 years after the death of her mother. Her daughter is 15 years old and they open the box together. The contents will surprise you. I don’t want to spoil it. Who Do You Think You Are? is a wonderful memoir about endurance, letting go of the past, looking toward the future, and forgiving but not forgetting. show less

This story grabbed me from the first page, the wooden box and it's contents something I needed to know more about. Written in a very conversational manner the story of Alyse and her relationship with mother and father unfolds slowly, its details revealed in much the same way Alyse discovers them. With haunting undertones and an honest voice we see the struggles of Alyse and her mother as she looks back and tries to decide just exactly who she thinks she is and what exactly it is she deserves show more in life. show less

Man, what a nice way to wheel me in... so nice that what first wheeled me in... curious about what was in her mother's secret box...I had forgotten about by the third chapter.

Though this wasn't exactly my story (no memoir could ever be...why I love them so), but `Who Do You Think You Are,' I recall being a very dominant attitude 'ever so' prevalent in that time. I understood them all, none more so than Alyse's esoteric relationship with her mother. At the very beginning Alyse hoped her show more mother wouldn't remarry, and then added (which surely was in hinsight later in life), how she didn't realize (though she used the word cared) she was "sentencing her mother to life without parole," which happened to be exactly why I understood her mother. Both suffered from the void companionship fills, which the incident surrounding Alyse losing those earrings proved how long her mother had been locked in that void.

A very, very (borrowing a word of McCourt's praise) "taut" read! Excellent! show less

Alyse Myers' story takes place in Queens, NY where she was born and raised along with her 2 sisters. She is the eldest of the three. She was also the target of her mother's wrath. Alyse's parents did not get along, and she and her sisters witnessed many screaming matches between their parents which usually ended by their dad leaving and slamming the door behind him, only for him to return later and ring the doorbell over and over again and yell to be let in. Alyse's mom would yell back, show more telling him to go away. The three girls would huddle in their room, trying to block out the sounds of their fighting. Alyse slept with a radio under her pillow...her radio was her salvation.

Alyse loved her dad and she was his favorite, further irritating Alyse's mother. Her childhood was an uncertain one, never knowing how her mother was going to react to certain situations. This memoir got its name by a phrase that was spoken to Alyse by her mother all of the time...."Who Do You Think You Are?" Alyse was constantly being accused by her mother of thinking that she was better than everyone else. Determined not to let her mother drag her down, Alyse applied and was accepted at a school for the gifted in Manhattan. She started working part-time jobs, and got her own apartment. She invited her mother to come see her new place, informing her beforehand that she would not be allowed to smoke in the apartment. Her mother did not come.

"My mother married my father when she was nineteen and was a widow at thirty-three. She told me that he was the only man she had ever been with, both before they married and after he died. Even when I was a child, I knew that theirs was a complicated marriage. I wanted to believe they were destined to be together, that their bitter fights had to do with his illness and her inability to cope with it. I didn't want to believe that my parents -- childhood sweethearts -- could end up hating each other with a passion that still frightens and saddens me to this day."

My Thoughts: I could relate to this story on a personal level, as my mom and Alyce's mom are a lot alike. My mom never threw me out of the house, but she was extremely crabby and rude to me growing up. She smoked constantly. She had an unhappy marriage. I was a Daddy's Girl. Alyse's descriptions of her childhood are raw and real. I hurt for her each time she was berated or called nasty names by her mom. I so admire Alyse for her strength and courage to share her story with us. Her memoir will stay with me a very long time. show less