Erin Mallon

Erin Mallon wrote it. Erin Mallon narrates it (with the always-fabulous Jason Clarke). What more do you need to know? Just read it already. You’ll love it. Santa Has a Six-Pack will have you laughing from the very beginning to the very end. And picturing that sexy spandex Santa suit. And wondering if haterousal is a thing.

Penny Whitaker is kind of a mess. A grumpy, often hilarious mess. Her innermost thoughts – that often just pop right out of her mouth without her brain being able to show more stop them – will have you doubled over with laughter. She’s a grumpy mess with good reason, though. She hadn’t planned to spend ten years working at Herald’s Department Store in New York City; she loves to dance, but her career as a dancer was torture. Her parents are demanding, cold and distant, and her love life has been a series of disasters with self-absorbed men. No fond memories of Christmas, either, so being put in charge of Herald’s World’s Fittest Santa Contest doesn’t exactly bring holiday joy to her heart.

Matt Barbera is kind of a mess, too. A cocky, confident man-child who hasn’t lit the world on fire with his success – at least not so far. But he has reasons for his weirdness, too. He’s had to put his mother in a care home, is struggling financially, and his main holiday memory is of his father dying on that day when Matt was ten years old.

Put these two messes together and you get a wonderful story that is touching and tender, funny and steamy, and completely entertaining and satisfying. Penny has built walls; if she’s grumpy people will stay away and she won’t get hurt again. Matt has taken the opposite approach: there’s a silver lining in everything. He’s optimistic and exuberant, perfect when he’s teaching fifth-graders, but a little annoying to Penny. Maybe a lot annoying because she can’t help the attraction she feels toward Matt. When she first saw him she was stunned speechless and her only reaction was to close the door in his face. Smooth. Matt? He was smitten from the start.

Author Mallon gives us entertainment on every page: joint workout demos, Santa Hour with the kids and with the (swooning, salivating) adults, promo videos at Bossfit Brooklyn, trips to see all the parents, a couple of dirty, rotten cheaters
perfect. Erin Mallon captures every one of Penny’s emotions. The weariness, the hurts from childhood that won’t go away, the frustration, the ridiculous thoughts and actions and the heat/lust/love? for Matt and the calm that surrounds her whenever she is in his presence. Jason Clarke with the deep, rumbly voice can make you believe everything Matt is feeling – the over-the-top optimism, the just-a-little-outside-the-lines weirdness, the and a supporting cast of true, blue friends for both Penny and Matt and appropriately evil villains, all set in New York City so colorfully described you’ll feel you are there. Matt, Penny(wise), Keira, Dottie, Eugene, Leo, Elinor and Tagg are characters you’ll want to see more of. Well, most of them, anyway.

And that narration? It couldn’t be more old pain and hurt and the current worries, the cocky, flirty, fit, handsome gym owner and the man who feels an almost actual tether to Penny. From the moment he met her he’s been unable to stay away from her – and unable to stop himself from blurting out totally inappropriate and oh, so funny things. Mallon and Clarke both deliver outstanding performances. As always.

I received both advance reading and listening copies of Santa Has a Six-Pack from the author as part of her review team. To say I enjoyed it is a vast understatement. I devoured it, and after the little hint at the end of this book I can’t wait for the next one. I voluntarily leave this review. All opinions are my own. show less

Edited for audiobook: I won’t say that the Farm 2 Forking series gets better with each new book, because each book is a marvelous standalone. But all together? Wow. The farm, the town, the quirky animals, the even quirkier people – and focus on each sibling and a special someone, whether they expect it or realize it or want it or not. So marvelous and wow. Add audio, and have marvelous, wow and absolutely amazing. In book 4, Bringing Home the Bacon, you not only have talented voice actor show more Erin Mallon once again narrating with equally talented voice actor Alastair Haynesbridge, but Erin Mallon wrote this! Mallon convincingly conveys how much sweet little sister Colleen loves the farm and the family and her job as a teacher but how she wishes she could break out, go wild, not have brothers looking over her shoulder, trying to scare prospects away and get her twin out of her wavelength for five minutes. Haynesbridge as Sam is bafflingly instantly smitten with this woman who disappears, hilarious as he searches for her, tender and sweet as he works to make them a couple. These books are just so much fun, and listening makes it even better, if that’s possible. I received an advance listening copy of Bringing Home the Bacon from Home Cooked Books. I voluntarily leave this review; all opinions are my own.

I have no idea what Lainey Davis, Liz Alden, Karen Grey, Erin Mallon and Ember Leigh have planned for the rest of their writing careers, but I sincerely hope they collaborate again on another series because after Bringing Home the Bacon there is only one book left, and that is not enough time with these authors. Farm to Forking is superb. Each book is funny, sexy, serious, surprising. Each author individually is a must-read, but together – amazing and can’t put down.

Life on Bedd Fellows Farm, Fork Lick, NY keeps moving merrily along. The Bedd Family is slowly crawling out of the financial hole they found themselves in when Grandad Bedd died. Weight-of-the-world-on-his-shoulders eldest brother Ethan, grumpy dairy farmer Alex, and grumpy, nerdy soil scientist Sam have all found women who keep them on their toes, sometimes stupefy them, and always keep them moony-eyed in love. Next up is sweet little sister Colleen. Isn’t she lucky to have four brothers always ready to step right in and look after her? Three close by and one just a phone call or internet session away. Especially lucky that her twin Sam gets “feelings” when he senses Colleen is in danger – or about to have a sexy encounter – which causes him to call and text and text and call, over and over and over until she responds. Yep, pretty lucky.

The Bedd siblings lost their parents to an accident and were raised by their grandparents Eugene and Ethel. They had happy lives growing up, but of course they were all affected by the loss of their parents. For Colleen, that was having her love of writing and desire to be a published writer when she grew up go dormant. It suddenly didn’t feel right, didn’t feel like she should do it anymore. Somehow felt like a betrayal. So she became a kindergarten teacher instead. Yes, she loves teaching, but she’s living in the town where she grew up, where everybody knows her and where around every corner is a parent who doesn’t want to see a wild woman teaching their 5-year-old. So when Colleen goes on a field trip to New York City with other teachers and sees that sizzlin’ smokin’ hot chef her brain goes a little haywire and she decides on the spot to make her move: pretend to be someone and something else and live – live – live! Bacon – yep, the chef is named bacon, go figure – is no dummy and doesn’t look this gift horse in the mouth.

Harold “Bacon” Hotman (yeah, Bacon perfectly fits with his career, and Hotman perfectly fits with his looks) didn’t have it easy growing up, either. His father deserted him and his mother when he was about eight years old. His mother fell apart after that and he became the caregiver, and that’s when his skill at and love of cooking began. Luckily neighbors looked out for him and are still in his life. And cooking and Trent’s family are about all that’s in his life. Romance didn’t work out so well in the past and he avoids it at all costs, but this gorgeous blonde making the moves doesn’t seem to be looking for long-term so he’s all in.

Except there’s something there right away. Oh yeah, lots of the fun stuff, and also some very funny stuff: remember twin Sam and his “feelings?” But he can’t get enough of just being with this woman, he’s never felt like this, he wants more. So does Colleen, except she’s already presented him with this fake persona and when he says he hates liars more than anything she doesn’t think there’s any recovering from that. Plus she’s got that “real life” back in Fork Lick. That exciting kindergarten teacher life. So she makes her escape in the wee hours of the morning.

Everything from this point on is hilarious and heartfelt and frustrating and confounding. Colleen realizes there’s going to be an addition to the Bedd Family, and the brothers circle the wagon, virtually and in person. Completely unaware of this, Bacon can’t get over her even if she did sneak off the morning after and tracks her down. Their encounters are confrontational, sweet and a bit sad and at times seem hopeless. Even though they feel this strong, strong attachment they are still getting to know each other. Colleen has never relied on anyone or asked for help and she’s having trouble doing it now. Many times are oh-no-this-won’t-work-after-all moments.

Bringing Home the Bacon is not as farm-centered as the previous books in the series, but don’t worry, you’ll still get your Baa-bara fix and spend time with all your favorite farm animals, the Bedd boys and their significant others and of course Gran and get to visit Climax and Tiddy’s Bar again. This book is so funny and so touching and so endearing – and so so hot. I loved it and you will too. Thanks to author Erin Mallon for providing an advance copy of Bringing Home the Bacon as part of the Farm 2 Forking series. It was so satisfying. Erin Mallon is an amazing author, narrator, podcaster. I cannot wait for the next book in the series and to finally learn more about Bedd brother Jackson. I voluntarily leave this review; all opinions are my own. show less

Calliope (aka Callie) has been studying to become a paleontologist and has just landed a museum internship that could be her ticket to her first real dig, if she doesn't completely blow it with Dr. Eileen Knowles, the current head of paleontological studies at the museum and the lead excavator on the dig Callie desperately wants to be part of.

Unfortunately, her efforts to become the kind of woman who commands respect in a male-dominated field don't always have the effect she'd like. And show more romance certainly isn't part of her plans. That doesn't stop her from becoming attracted to Ralph, a sexy, rumbly-voiced astronomer who narrates presentations at the museum's planetarium. And it doesn't stop Ralph from being interested in her right back.

I bought this at one of the Book Bonanzas I attended. Dinosaurs + a geeky heroine and hero romantic comedy pair sounded like fun.

The first few pages of this felt like I was being pelted in the face with words. Good romantic banter has a rhythm to it. This, by contrast, was what you might get if you fed a toddler a bunch of sugar and then set them loose on a drum set. The zaniness never stopped. I needed a breather.

I really liked Ralph, but surely there were better ways for him to add a bit of excitement to his life than throwing himself into Callie's destructive orbit? The woman desperately needed to chill. Considering how well Ralph reacted to Callie storming in on his planetarium narration and getting him in trouble with his boss, it's quite possible that all of Callie's chill (and then some) belonged to Ralph.

Many mistakes were made in the course of this story, and I found it difficult to believe that some of them weren't utterly career-wrecking. And that's not even getting into the non-career stuff. The family dinner with Callie's parents was horrific. It led to a really nice scene in which Callie and Ralph finally sat down and talked about their lives and feelings without a protective blanket of zaniness, but I don't know that that scene was good enough to make up for the things that made me cringe.

This was about all I could take, so I'm thankful to see that this was apparently the only work I purchased from this author.

(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.) show less

Honestly, when I started writing this review, I had no idea how deep my feelings run for it. The first 50% of the book gets 4 stars, and the second half of the book is worthy of only one star. The average is 2.5 and I am rounding it up for Amazon and Goodreads because this is the author's debut novel.

When I pick a book with the name " Flirtasaurus" I expect it to have clever and quirky humor and not the average crude humor some contemporary books have. I got the quirky part right but the show more comedic part felt cruder than anything else. After a certain point, this book became an eternal source of cringe for me. The book could have gotten a favorable rating from me but the shroom stuff came up and after that, it was a disaster.

Which brings me to problem number #2. Consent. Ralph of Calliope's first time happened after she drunk from a thermos full of liquid from magic shrooms and it made me worry about the kind of person Ralph is if he was willing to sleep with someone for the first time while she was under the influence of drugs. I mean she thought a dinosaur winked at her, I am still not sure about her state of mind. Did I mention that they did it in the museum where both of them work?

Aaand speaking about the museum and their work, I got tired of the wannabe "support women" trend in this book. Calliope was out of place so many times that if she were a person in real life, she would have been fired at least twice. Then there was the supervisor who considered it fair to fire a man because he broke the rules, but she didn't fire the woman because there are not many women on their field. There was no turning back for me after that.

There is one final thing that bugged me and if it wasn't for Ralph mentioning it, I wouldn't have realized it. Calliope is too self-centered and thinks that she is above other people. He doesn't say it like that exactly, but that's the general meaning of it.

Will I read the second book in the series? Yes. Mabel will be the heroine and I really loved her in this one, so I have high hopes for her. Also, this is the author's debut novel and a second chance is a must. show less