William Hart (3)

After terrorists destroy the awesome phallic symbol of the land of Plunder, with help from gasoline-filled blunderbusses, Lieutenant Ernest Candide goes on a mission of revenge. When he was younger, Candide fell into the core of a nuclear reactor, then later he accidentally shot himself in the head. The bullet is still there, up against his pineal gland. This has turned Candide into a bona fide superhero, with X-ray vision and the ability to fly.

Candide unhesitatingly accepts a mission from show more his Commander in Chief, Buzz Twofer II, to sneak into the country of Ragistan, to find and eliminate Moolah al-Razir, the architect of this awful attack on the people of Plunder. Candide sees many dead civilians, and unintentionally causes some civilian deaths. He is captured by Moolah, and, attempting to escape, runs into Delilah Jihad, part of Moolah’s harem (and a Shrinkistanian and Zionian double agent). They escape into the hills between Ragistan and Pockistan, where Delilah tells Ernest that the war is all about oil, and, for instance, why a person would become a suicide bomber.

Returning to Plunder, Candide is immediately accused of treason, for allegedly spilling classified information to Jihad, and for expressing doubts about his mission. Given a chance to redeem himself, Candide flies into the country of Qroc, to eliminate Madahm Badassi, who has tons and tons of weapons of mass destruction that he is just itching to use on Plunderian forces. Candide sees and hears more things in Qroc that lead him to believe that Plunder is not the land of truth and virtue that he was taught from childhood. Failing to carry out his mission, Candide gets a one-way trip to Guantanamo, where he is tortured, and gets a "trial," where he faces about a dozen different death sentences, for his sexual relationship with Jihad, for doubting his mission, and for failing to save his commanding officer’s life quickly enough.

As you might have guessed, this is a satire of the "war on terror," and as such, it does an absolutely wonderful job. This book doesn’t just reach the level of Wow, it leaves Wow in the dust. It is extremely highly recommended. show less