Schuyler Bailar

My son gifted HE/SHE/THEY by Schuyler Bailar to me for Christmas because he was tired of me asking him questions about gender and gender identity. For some reason, my two Gen Z kids had a full grasp of the nuances in gender identity, whereas I was struggling to wrap my head around the idea that gender is not solely biological. I followed Mr. Bailar on Insta during the pandemic, and I always found him to be a gentle voice, insightful, and very open about his life. Therefore, it was not a show more hardship to crack open this gift and set myself to learning so that I could become a better ally for anyone who does not fit the cishet mold.

The way in which Mr. Bailar presents each chapter topic is as gentle, insightful, and open as his online presence. He shares some facet of his past or present struggles, being incredibly honest about his pain and suffering as well as his joy. More importantly, he includes as much research as possible, with lengthy footnotes and a comparable bibliography to support his findings. While I realize this is not as important to a certain demographic as it once was, I still appreciate any declaration of facts and statistics when making a statement.

What I found particularly helpful, though, was the way he asks the reader to reconsider the question or opinion. Suppose your opinion or question sounds ridiculous or intrusive when framed as a question about race or food. In that case, it is equally as ridiculous or intrusive when it comes to gender identity. I've read many books about race, class, and feminism over the years, but not once have I had an author suggest the simple act of reframing a question or an opinion to check its validity. This struck me as such a profound idea that I literally had to stop reading for a while as I absorbed its importance.

Mr. Bailar has so many good things to say, too. I found myself sharing as much as I could with my husband, even though I am already insisting it is the very next book he selects to read. Mr. Bailar wasn't saying anything new about certain topics, to me anyway, but the way he talked about certain ideas made me reconsider and reevaluate them because I had never considered them in that same light. These were lightbulb moments, and there were so many of them for me throughout the book.

At the same time, I recognize how generous Mr. Bailar is with his story. His experiences as a young child and then a teenager longing to "fit in' are painful to read, but he shares his story so that we may understand the depths of suffering children struggling with their given-at-birth gender identity experience from a young age. He shares his pain with the hope that at least one person will not have to suffer as he did. In that way, HE/SHE/THEY is a beautiful pledge of support and love for those trying to navigate the murky waters of gender identity in a world that is fighting against inclusion and acceptance of any sort.

I opened HE/SHE/THEY with the wish to finally understand how gender is not solely related to the sex organs. I closed Mr. Bailar's book armed with statistics and tools to use when advocating on behalf of the entire LGBTQIA+ community. I walk away from the book with a feeling of hope that, with leaders like Schulyer Bailar doing the hard things to pave the way, society will change for the better. show less

I kind of hate the title, but the book is great. See other reviews for trigger warnings -- there are a lot of hard and hateful things that happen to Obie in this book. I personally think that's part of the book's strengths -- because Obie does have a solid support system as well as attackers, and it's important to see those refutations in print. Also this stuff happens every day -- and part of the point of this book is to let kids see their own experiences. I hope this book makes a show more difference in kids' lives and helps them to survive and thrive. I also loved the Korean representation, the beautiful family dynamics, and Obie's own strength of character that leads him through. show less

Obie Is Man Enough introduces us to Obadiah "Obie", a seventh grader and a competitive swimmer, he has a supportive family that loves him no matter what; That's a good thing, because Obie happens to be Transgendered, a topic that isn't always easily talked about, or readily accepted but his family has been wonderful since he told them and so has some of the faculty at his middle school. The only problem; The students and his e swim coach are anything but supportive.

We follow Obie as he show more tries to survive school, swim practice/meets, and being a pre-teen who happens to be a bit different than his classmates. Obie Is Man Enough is a wonderful story of strength, courage, survival and love, while also being informative to everyone by showing what life is like for many and also educating Cis gendered people. There's a great balance between positive and negative and Schuyler Bailar writes with clarity and conviction.

This book does have a warning at the beginning but it is important to highlight it now as well there IS a trigger warning on this story. Please make sure you are safe and in a solid mental place with people to reach out to in case the story hits home a little too closely. This is a book that I highly recommend to everyone, but please take care of yourself and your health while reading.

Thank you to netgalley, Schuyler Bailar and publisher for providing an advance e-copy to me in exchange for my honest review. I loved this story and am grateful that these books exist for the first time in history, its about time! Schuyler Bailar makes a wonderful must read contribution to the community. show less

Although the message is uplifting and positive, this is a thinly veiled autobiography of the transgender swimmer turned motivational speaker Skylar Bailar. I learned a few things from this fictionalized story about the mixed race Bailar, whose mother is Korean--I learned how kimchi is made, for one.

The problem for me is in the dialog, which does in no way sound the way thirteen year olds talk. It's all written in adult-speak, which makes it kind of unbelievably sappy, like a Hallmark drama. show more The parents and the teacher are so perfect as to be unbelievable. Honestly, it reminds me of Wonder, another book I couldn't take seriously.

Had Skylar written a memoir, I think it would have been more effective, at least for adults. Maybe this works for tweens, and will help someone who is coming to terms with their sexuality. show less