Zack Smedley

I have only just read the last page of Deposing Nathan, and I am already writing this review. If you know anything about my reviewing style, you'll know that's a rare occurrence. However this book affected me so deeply, and I have so many things flying through my head, that I have to write them down. It's necessary. So if half of this review descends into a babbling, incoherent mess just know that's because those are my exact emotions at this point. This book was raw. It was beautiful. It show more was devastating. I'm an exhausted, emotional mess, and I'm not even upset about it.

The way that this book unabashedly explores so many moral quandaries that most YA generally tends to avoid, is what really hooked me in. From the beginning, this is a story that isn't afraid to talk about the big things. See, Nate was raised in a family that is very religious. His relationship with God is one in which he strongly believes that anything outside of what the church teaches will lead him on the wrong path. To his aunt and his father, Nate is a good boy. He attends church regularly, gets good grades, has the perfect girlfriend, and is pretty much your all around average teen. There isn't anything else he wants in his life. Until, that is, he meets Cam.

As I watched these two meet for the first time, and their relationship started to evolve, I was helpless to look away. Smedley hasn't just created flat characters in Nate and Cam. Oh, no. These two are probably the most introspective teens that I have ever met in my life. They know that they have flaws. They acknowledge them, and mull through them, and fight all the battles inside that we've all been through at some point right there on the page. Some of Nate's thoughts, especially once he suspects that he might have actual feelings for Cam, are brutal. When his aunt reacts to his new feelings with anger, and eventually descends into physical violence to keep them apart, you'd be hard pressed not to want to gather this boy into your arms and hug him until it stops hurting. I cried, friends. I bawled. I'm not going to lie to you. There is nothing on these pages to stand between Nate and Cam's emotions, and yours. Yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.

There are simply perfect moments in this book. Snapshots full of smiles and love. Snapshots of confusion and anger. It's like watching someone grow up right in front of you, with all the messiness that brings. Then, just when I thought that this book couldn't possibly impress me any further, the ending elegantly tackled the idea of toxic relationships in a way that made me start to sob all over again. We live in this book filled world of happy endings, and perfectly tied bows. Unfortunately, as we all well know, that's not normally how life works. The ending of this book was perfection, because it wraps things up in a way that feels realistic. The last few paragraphs of this book will get you, and you'll be thinking about them for hours afterwards. Trust me on this.

When I started this review, I was so concerned about being able to fairly portray to you how impressive and important this book is. I'm tearing up thinking about my journey, and how essential this book will be for so many people. Zack Smedley has written something special. This is a book about self acceptance, and self worth. It's a book about the relationship between strict religious upbringing and self discovery. It's a story about family, love, and growing up. This story is big, and brave, and brings such an important voice to the current YA space.

I'll leave you with a quote, because I don't know what else to say. Well, no actually, I'll end by saying that I recommend this book with every single last fiber of my being. Please, read this.

"If you think you have to earn enough points on someone's rubric for them to accept you, then either you're wrong to assume they won't love you for who you are, or they never loved you in the first place. show less

It only took about five pages for me to be hooked on this novel. The introduction of both characters instantly made me curious about them; and that increased steadily.

There's been a beating. There's been a stabbing. Nate and Cam have ended up across from each other in a deposition because of the violence that has erupted in their lives. Through the course of his deposition, Nate slowly unravels the events leading up to the violence.

Nate and Cam seem very different, but they connected show more quickly when they first met. Their friendship begins with a night of talking about everything: religion, families, relationships and science. They fall asleep lying on the trampoline staring up the stars and it seems like Nate feels free and unfettered for the first time in his life.

This isn't an ordinary book, it's not an ordinary tale. Nate is struggling with his "parents"… his father and his Aunt who swooped in when his Mom died. She's controlling, relentless and abusive and his father is absent at best. So, Nate's friendships are important, perhaps the only thing that keep him tethered.

But he's not struggling solely with his home life, he's struggling with his feelings for Cam. During an ill-fated New Year's Eve party, Nate and Cam share a sexual experience that short-circuits Nate's brain. He pushes Cam away because he's incapable of dealing with the emotion the encounter brings up. Nate has all the arguments for why it's wrong to feel anything for Cam…religion, he's straight, it's wrong, it's nothing.

Things begin to fall apart for Nate and then escalate, spiralling closer and closer to the final act of violence that will change everything between them forever. This story is a pretzel-twist of pleasure, exploration and fear of things that are too big to comprehend.

This is one of the most unique books I've read in a very long time. These characters are written so remarkably that I couldn't help feeling like I knew them… as though I'd been allowed a window to their minds.

The prose is sparing and yet beautiful. There are some lovely moments captured from the early days of friendship and the intensity of growing emotion. This story made me angry, and it made me cry and I would read it again in a heartbeat. There are twists, things that hurt because you just don't see them coming. And it's real… it's very real. This is young people being amazing and flawed and fucked up and perfect.

This book may not be for the faint of heart, but it should be read. This book should have the hell read out of it. I can't think of a better word to use but to continue to say how "real" this story is.

There aren't enough stars in the night sky to rate this book properly. show less

This book was an incredibly tough read. Trigger warnings for internalized homophobia, homophobic violence, biphobia, infidelity, gaslighting, and child abuse. This book was emotionally brutal. Definitely take stock of your mental health before getting into it. This book was a gut punch, to be quite honest.

So much about Nathan's relationship to Catholicism hit so achingly close to home. There were moments at the beginning of the book that reminded me of the comfort I found in Catholicism as show more a teenager, but the majority of the book really reminded me why I cannot be Catholic any more. Why I can't be Christian at all anymore. I respect the hell out of the fact that Nathan and Cam both are able to find an equilibrium between their bisexual identities and their Catholic identities and are able to find some peace in their religion. But I cannot fucking do it. Nathan's absolute anguish over his "sin" and his fear of hell should never exist for anyone. Exploring your identity should not include an existential crisis over what hell is and how overwhelmingly awful it will be for all eternity. I simply can't square the practice of Catholicism as I experienced it and as other people like Nathan experience it with my view of human rights and human decency and this book kind of punched me in the face with that. I really was not expecting it and it made this a tough book to read for me, even as I appreciate what it was doing.

I also really really appreciated the ending. I am so happy that Cam was able to recognize that his relationship with Nathan was bad and that they couldn't keep it up without continuing to tear each other apart. I'm so glad that the abuse the two of them inflicted on each other was acknowledged and that the fact that they loved each other or could love each other wasn't a good enough reason to stay in touch or try to maintain any kind of relationship - platonic or romantic or anything else - once Nathan moved away. Quite often love is not enough. Admitting that and doing what's best for yourself is hard but so absolutely essential. I'm so happy Cam was able to do that and Nathan was able to recognize and accept it as well, even when he really didn't want to. show less

Zack Smedley's debut novel "Deposing Nathan" is quite possibly one of the best YA books I have ever read. I had high expectations when I received my copy of "Tonight We Rule the World". Zack's second novel was just as moving as his first and I think, perhaps, even more important.
This book is a story about a young man named Owen. At the beginning of the story, he has no friends and there is very little going on in his life that isn't routine. Then he meets Lily. Lily wants to be a writer and show more shares with Owen a writing game that helps to forge their friendship. Lily introduces Owen to a world full of friends, creativity, acceptance and the two begin a relationship
When a student at the school reports that Owen was sexually assaulted on a recent school trip and an investigation begins, everything changes. Owen must navigate his own thoughts and feelings, the environment at school as curiosity overtakes the student body, his father's anger, and fierce determination to find out who hurt his son. In the middle of the maelstrom of concern and curiosity is Owen and all he wants is for no one to find out who assaulted him.
I have been thinking a lot about this story since I finished it. It's one of those books that has lingered in my mind. There are some intense issues in this book, and some shocking and frightening scenes. I found them all to be moving, timely and handled with finesse.
I can honestly say that I have never read a book like this before.
What stands out for me is Zack's writing. Zack has a remarkable way of using words to paint a picture with such detail that it always draws me into the story completely. The characters he creates have clear and unique voices. I found Owen to be a remarkable character. Early on Owen reveals that he is on the Autism spectrum. This resonated for me as it was simply revealed as something about Owen, not as a disability, not as an excuse or as something that made him "less than".
I really appreciated the way that Zack wrote Owen's thought patterns. It was remarkable to see this character evolve. There was so much emotion and hurt and I felt as though I was with Owen from the beginning until his first steps moving forwards. This book is a full journey.
A beautiful story. Absolutely beautiful. show less