Jacob Tobia

Jacob Tobia has produced an uncomfortable and important book.

Hearing experiences described that are so far from my own, occasionally made me uncomfortable. This led to many questions that I needed to grapple with. Have I been complicit? Have I accidentally reinforced gender stereotypes in a hurtful way with my son or others in my community? And as the author eloquently made the case of a common cause among trans people with people of color and other traditionally marginalized groups, I had show more to ask... How regularly am I following along with "unfair" white, patriarchy rather than asserting my own power and position? Have I accepted less than I should? I considered these - and many other questions and assumptions in my own life - while listening to Jacob's story. I believe that being uncomfortable is sometimes necessary to face my own truth.

As a liberal-minded member of society who believes deeply in each person's right to live true to themselves, I found that this book clearly, openly, and honestly presented an important view of inequity in family, community, political, and religious life. Human beings can be cruel. Fear of "different" can bring out the ugly side of people. Yet, Jacob found a way to live their true self. Everyone should read this book, and realize that... regardless of whether it is with malicious intent or with the ignorance of the incurious, words can hurt. Words have power. Words can show respect. Words can trivialize and minimize.

I don't know if I like Jacob as they presented themselves in this book. I do know that I deeply respect them - both for living life on their own terms and for having the courage to write about it.

While I usually feel that a skilled voice actor adds value to an audiobook, in this case I think the author's voice makes the story all the more compelling and authentic. It is, after all, their story. show less

A memoir/coming-of-age story from a non-binary author that was assigned male at birth but from their earliest memories knew that wasn't accurate. There are chapters covering their futile attempts to fit in at multiple stages of young life, with a lot of focus on high school, college, and being part of a relatively liberal but still typically American suburban Christian church. I loved it, and finished the whole thing in a few days. It's a great read if you or someone in your life has a show more gender identity that doesn't fit with the world around them, if a bit more in the venting category than having The Answer to make it all work.

Otherwise, chances are that this won't necessarily resonate as much with you if you didn't share something with Tobia that I do: we both went to college at Duke, and less than ten years apart. Prime example: one of the many strange intricacies of being a Duke student is that as a graduating senior you can apply to be a (non-voting and non-really mattering, but still) member of the Board of Trustees. One undergrad and one grad student per year get to do this, with finalists chosen by a student vote. I applied back in 2005, and it was a super interesting if all-consuming process. Tobia got much closer than I ever did, so I relished their stories of the interviewing and campaigning processes, and especially what that was like for an out queer candidate. show less

While the author might come off as a bit outspoken at times, I can completely see where they were coming from at every step of their journey. They tell their story well, and at no point did it feel like the book was dragging. I especially loved the unique monologues and perspectives they sometimes offered as asides to their story: they definitely add to the dialogue on gender theory, and simply being a person, in several nontrivial ways. As a bonus, I can also now sort of see what it was show more like growing up in the 00's. show less

Everyone should read this memoir. The author eviscerates the lazy way many of us who imagine we are enlightened look at gender nonconforming and trans people: born into the wrong body, have surgery, live happily ever after. The tone is light for the most part, but the message is heavy and important.