Amelia Nagoski

This book resonated with me. The authors’ strong but crucial message for women is told with warmth and humor. I loved the references to pop culture, including everything from Star Trek to Jane Eyre. They cover body image, the importance of sleep, completing the stress cycle, and more.

“We get exhausted and we wonder if we can accomplish any of the things we hope for, without destroying ourselves in the process.”

This book spoke to me on such a deep level. The authors beautifully describe why women are overwhelmed, over-stressed, and over-giving at every opportunity. Every woman I know is burnt out and worn out, yet we #persist, because we're told we have to. Because to do otherwise is seen as a massive moral failure.

The concept of being a Human Giver vs. a Human Being was mind-blowing, and it made so much sense. Women are socialized to seek a relationship to feel 'complete', while men are taught to show more value independence and sovereignty.

As women, we're told we're responsible for everyone else's feelings and so we go through life trying desperately not to disappoint anyone. What we're not taught, however, is how to take care of our own emotional and mental well-being. How to rest without guilt, and how to treat ourselves as though we were someone we loved.

The Nagoski sisters have handed women the key to minimizing stress and managing their emotions. But most of all, they've let us know that we're not crazy, we're not "weak", and we're not broken because we can't keep up with the demands we've been conditioned to put on ourselves show less

Disclaimer: I received an ARC from the publisher.

Burnout recognizes the reality of daily life in a way that other self-help books don't, as far as I can tell (it's not really my genre). It's not about "self-care" as it's come to be known, just performing little relaxing rituals that do nothing to address the underlying problems. It's about "completing the cycle", which is something I will pay more attention to doing now, and learning to acknowledge and manage both stress and stressors in a show more science-based yet compassionate way.

Especially useful is the concept of "Human Beings" vs. "Human Givers". I don't think it's quite as strictly sex-based as they claim, but it is MOSTLY sex-based, so discussing it this way (i.e., addressing women specifically) is fine. Nonetheless, I think my male partner exhibits many of the symptoms of being a Human Giver, too - maybe more than I do, even - and these practices would be just as useful for him. The Nagoskis address the fact that it's not as easy as changing our mindset once, and the problem is solved - the patriarchy (ugh) and the BIC put continuous pressures on us every day. The game is rigged, and knowing that it's rigged (and therefore our struggles are not a result of our own failure to be positive enough) makes a huge difference in how we approach problems.

All this being said, I'm not exactly the Average Woman the science or advice is geared toward - i.e., a mom in a professional career. The book is still helpful, but a lot of the ~relatable~ stories and advice just aren't applicable for me personally. And for some reason, the idea of trying to personify my "madwoman" made me super uncomfortable and I couldn't get a grasp on it at all. Oh, well.

Definitely recommend this read to both women and men. If nothing else, it will articulate your feelings using real research, and offer a few suggestions for working through them. show less

"Burnout" got my attention with the title. As a working mom who is always feeling a bit overwhelmed, I knew many other women share the same struggles in taking good care of ourselves and trying not to do too much. Stress becomes an albatross that few can remove from their necks, and I figured reading a book like this might provide some insight on how to better balance this crazy life.

What I found were two women who have experienced both the negatives and positives of stress. It is not show more really how much stress we take on, but how we deal with the stressors. I could list many examples of times when I knew I was doing too much, but still kept pushing myself. Often I found I ended up sick or feeling sad. There are many reasons why women can't stop saying "yes" to all those things vying for our attention, and Emily and Amelia take turns addressing why, specifically calling the big issue "Human Giver Syndrome." We give, and we give and we give...but never take anything for ourselves or think of self-care. So we end up facing burnout.

This is a mainstream publishing book, so be prepared for some coarse language, but honestly, I just kept pressing on through that to get to the good stuff. And believe me when I say there is a LOT of useful, helpful information here. I would recommend this book to any woman who finds herself continually putting herself last, even to her detriment. I learned a lot about the physical and physiological reasons why long term stress can be deadly, and I think this should be read by those who think that you can keep running at this pace with no ill side effects. These authors are new to me, but I believe I will look their other books up. This is one to read through slowly so you can benefit from the information given and put those new skills to work.

I appreciated the opportunity to review early from #NetGalley and Penguin Random House. All opinions are my own and I was not required to leave a review. show less