Eleanor Crewes

A graphic memoir about coming of age, coming out, finding yourself - and Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

(Full disclosure: I received a free e-ARC for review through Edelweiss. Content warning for sexual harassment, homophobia, panic attacks, and eating disorders.)

As a kid, Ellie always felt different: she was more comfortable in pants than dresses and skirts (and even insisted on wearing trousers to her Communion); went through an extended Goth/emo phase; preferred ghost stories and manga to show more romance novels; was hardcore into Buffy, maybe even before it was cool; and feigned a romantic interest in boys when really she just wanted to be their friend. The Times I Knew I Was Gay is an autobiographical look at her teenage and young adult years, and follows her as she comes of age - and comes out.

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In some ways, the title is misleading; Ellie doesn't have (m)any big "AHA!" moments when she realizes that she's gay. And when she does get an inkling of the truth, she's more likely to dodge and weave instead of confronting her sexuality head-on. For example, there's a great scene where she comes out to her two closest friends at university, drunkenly on New Years, only to never speak of it again...for another two years. In the meantime, she continues to perform heteronormativity, prowling for guys on Tinder, only to find ridiculously minor, Seinfeldian reasons to break up with them when things start to get too serious.

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When a self-imposed ultimatum finally does force her out of the closet for good, she's met with love and support by her family (ngl, these scenes did it to me).

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But she's a little disconcerted to find that the dating scene is still messy and sometimes disheartening, if for slightly different reasons.

Spoiler alert: things end up pretty alright.

The Times I Knew I Was Gay is a charming, relatable story about a "weirdo" (I say that with love, from one outsider to another) trying to find her place in the world - and realizing that it's a much easier journey to navigate when you're being true to yourself. There's a big, mushy heart at the center of this story, and plenty of humor to help soften some of the sharper edges.

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To me, reading this book felt a lot like reading a poetry collection; I couldn't read too fast or I'd miss something important. I related to Crewes a lot while reading it. I feel that many white queer western women may relate because of the heteronormative cultures that we're brought up in that help us internalize so much nonsense. It was also nice to read a coming out story that wasn't entirely linear. Crewes talks about coming out multiple times and how long it took her to finally accept show more that she was gay. This is a fantastic Pride Month read. show less

Eleanor Crewes' children's fantasy goes down a little more smoothly for me than her graphic memoir, The Times I Knew I Was Gay. It's a pretty standard tale about a 13-year-old discovering a family secret regarding witchcraft, but the Italian setting is refreshing, the seduction of evil is effectively creepy, and Lilla's adolescent turmoil is handled well.

I look forward to seeing what Crews does next.

Episodic graphic novel about a young woman's gradual understanding of her own sexuality. Love the representation for those of us who didn't really think about it when we were young and discovered these sorts of things as we grew. Or maybe just assumed one identity and then had to find a way to a better fitting one later? I don't know -- I haven't seen it so specifically laid out like that before, and this book is successful about telling that story. I think the somewhat stark style works show more quite well. show less