Patrick King (2)

Okay, so small talk sucks. There is nothing that inspires more dread in me than small talk, particularly with strangers at cocktail parties. Small talk is literally soul-killing, but is a necessary prelude to deeper conversations, which I do enjoy. I've read Carnegie a bunch, and screw that antiquated nonsense. King is a self-credentialed charisma coach, which can conceal a lot of sins, but his advice makes sense, and falls into three major categories.

First, small talk is a skill that can be show more practiced, so practice it on victims who can't flee, like co-workers or retail employees. Be reasonable here, but you can try and move beyond. "How are you? Fine. And you? Fine." You can also warm up on your own time with dramatic reading and free-association exercises.

Second, you should prepare a conversational resume, short answers to questions about yourself and current events using the 1:1:1 format of (1) one action, (2) one emotion to be evoked, and (3) a one-sentence summary, advice which is particularly useful to me because as a person with letters after my name, I am by nature very wordy.

Finally, study reporters doing after game interviews of athletes for a model of how to ask good structured questions. It's worth taking the extra time to lay out a question that invites the other person to respond with a detailed story about themselves or their opinion on an issue, because that makes them feel appreciated, and details give you something to continue the conversation with. A question that can be terminated with a simple yes or no is a bad one. After game questions are a great example, because athletes are exhausted, amped up, and typically not selected for their expressiveness, yet reporters get something out of them.

There is also some general advice about letting the conversation flow, using compliments to get people to open up, and appreciative listening. This book is part of a 20+ book series, and I'm deeply skeptical that there's enough in this model to sustain 20+ books, but it's reasonable for $4 and a couple of hours, and I might get the one on listening. show less

Better Small Talk taught me that in order to have a conversation you have to listen deeply to what is being said and to how it is being said both verbally and nonverbally. Look at the facial cues and their expressions and how their body is positioned towards or away from you. Remember small talk in some cultures is not the norm and you have to adapt to that culture. But what I learned is that sometimes whilst small talk is great just sitting or keeping yourself busy whilst others talk is show more better and listening keeenly and deeply to what is being discussed without offering a running commentary is the most important skill of all. And that is my favorite thing to do.

One thing I would love to implement from this book is the art of having a two minute conversation without flustering and walking away mentally. The author does give excellent points which I will be using in my conversations going forward. show less

2/22/23. Read People Like a Book: How to Analyze, Understand, and Predict People’s Emotions, Thoughts, Intentions, and Behaviors (How to be More Likable and Charismatic) by Patrick King

Why I picked this book up: I am a licensed Psychologist and have been doing some personally disorders work. This title interested me so I read it.

Thoughts: In undergrad and Masters level training I remember the Myers-Briggs personality type indicators, saw this test online years ago and remember people show more claiming it was very accurate in their lives. As I read through this types like the ENFJ (which was my score back then) came up.

Why I finished this read: This book was not in death, it did not give examples of what the research said that I can remember and overall was interesting to read about nonverbal body language. It layer out a lot of information, said it was not always the same and recommended evaluating more and using other indicators being socially conscious and observant. Though I found this book ok, it needed more but it was a good start.

Stars rating: because it was sort of a refresher or introduction it needed much more depth. I gave it a 2 out if 5 stars. show less

Great ideas about mindset and endurance, but I felt it is just an other inspirational book, no added value for me.