Stephen R. Pastore

This is, quite simply, the worst book ever written.

The only way it could be worse is if the author had opted for comic sans. Other than an acceptable font, it has every possible flaw.

Ludicrous spelling errors:

Helene finished off the beer in her glass, signaled the waiter for the check, and continued picking at the chow mien.

Her favorite was smoked turkey with Russian dressing and coleslaw on a crusty role.

As for the 1960s British wave of rock that crashed on American shores, in particular show more the Beetles, she quipped, "They're cute but that music!"

(Just so you know that's really how he thinks that's spelled, a few sentences later he confirms it:

Eventually she embraced the Beetles.)

Punctuation errors:

Why do people keep receipts, she asked aloud.

Really amazing punctuation errors:

The hat was gone, the sweater was gone,; only the rain boots remained in their place in the hall closet.

Lots of unnecessary dashes:

Helene was very careful to maintain a façade throughout the book that represented her as she wanted people to see her. It was never meant to be autobiographical and it was only my monthly payments to her – a topic I will discuss later – that produced the truth, if truth be the word – of the woman behind the typewriter.

(By the way, he never discusses those payments later. Or if he did, he held that discussion in the privacy of his own home. Certainly he doesn't tell the reader anything more about this ethically dubious choice.)

...and unnecessary hyphens:

I do not wish to re-hash material she covered so well.

If there are fabrications, I could not evaluate them and third party sources, as I have said, were non-existent.

This, I think, was unique to Helene – that she should pre-maturely abandon the hope of a meaningful relationship because of a heartbreaking jilting.

Sentences you'd sprain your wrist trying to diagram:

Always with an eye for the ladies, her striking slim figure and long jet black hair done up in a fashionable "French twist," Miriam caught his rapt attention.

A scofflaw attitude to proofreading that's almost refreshing in its arrogance:

Maxine had a four hour break, since they were working on a scene that did not incSo, she had hoped Helene would be available for a late lunch.

Sentences with so much wrong with them, they defy description:

I need inspiration, and tucked her arm in Simon's as they walked down Greenwich Avenue inspiration and a new place to live.

...and an author who thinks we're interested in his life, when really we're just here to learn about Helene Hanff's:

I was there and would have voted for Genghis Khan if he promised to save my butt by not drafting me to be cannon-fodder in a jungle I knew nothing about and cared even less for.

This author will tell you everything you never asked to know about obscure beverages:

...Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray tonic, a drink which had been touted for decades about its healthy content of celery juice. The USDA forced the company to call it Cel-Ray (it used to be "Celery Tonic") when it was discovered that virtually no celery juice ever saw the interior of Dr. Brown's bottling plant.

...but won't tell you how Helene Hanff's engagement to be married broke up. This is a point of vital interest to admirers of Hanff. No one who's read the work of this funny, friendly, obviously appealing woman can help wondering why the social life she describes in her published letters, diaries, and other autobiographical material has no hint of any romance, past or present. It's rude of us, and possibly sexist – would we be this curious about a single male author? But it's impossible not to be curious on the point.

Pastore mentions this several times in the course of this mess of words. One chapter even gives the impression that he's going to spill the beans. He goes into great detail about the fact that Hanff accepted a proposal from Joe Heidt, a man she was very much in love with if this account is to be trusted. They set a date for the wedding, and in a rare display of proper spelling and hyphenation from the author, Helene bought a "simple off-the-shoulder satin dress." The chapter ends with this paragraph:

Shortly after their conversation, Joe informed Lois he was going out of town for a short trip and asked her to take care of Helene for him. While the trip was secretive, Helene did not seem to wonder about it and used the time while he was away to relax and catch up on her reading.

Okay. So...then what? Did he just never come back? Or while he was gone, did she move without leaving a forwarding address? Or what?

Your guess is as good as mine. The next chapter starts with a confusing, undated description of Helene puttering around an apartment. She clearly lives there alone, and she had a roommate in the previous chapter, so this must be the future. Or something. No reference is made to the engagement, though this future Helene thinks wistfully about another guy she was romantically involved with and is now no longer dating.

What the cow? The author collected his information about Hanff from the "over 150 hours of interviews along with nine spiral notebooks of notes about everything from her literary interests to her friends, her paramours and her family." If Helene talked to Pastore about being engaged to Heidt and then suddenly refused to say how they broke up – well, Hanff is famously quirky. That could have happened. But then say so. And tell us more about that other guy, while you're at it.

This biography refuses to do anything as straightforward as tell a life story. It's nothing but a collection of random, undated scenes and anecdotes recorded by an aggressively bad writer.

If you're a fan of Hanff's work and you've always wanted to know more about her personal life, I sympathize. That's why I bought this book in the first place, before I knew what misery really was.

If you're interested, read her books. Not just 84, Charing Cross Road, although you should certainly start there – it's probably her most appealing book. Start there, and then read The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street and Q's Legacy. If you're still hungry, read Apple of My Eye, Letter From New York, and (for a look at her earlier life and adventures) Underfoot in Show Business.

Pastore insists that these accounts are fictionalized to the point of actually being fiction. He offers no evidence for this claim, and I'm not finding him a terribly credible witness at this point. Hanff herself admits that she edited and rewrote the travel diary that became the core of Duchess, but what of it? If Hanff tightened things up and made them funnier in order to please her readers, that's fine with me. If I want an exact account of something, I'll read court documents. I'd rather read Hanff.

If you still want more information about Hanff – and want to see what she looks like, given how famously unenthusiastic she was about her own looks, to the point of reportedly refusing to look at the painting of herself a portrait-artist begged permission to create in England – go read the obituary of her in the New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/1997/04/11/arts/helene-hanff-wry-epistler-of-84-charing-d...

Read the lovely account written by James Roose Evans, who adapted 84 into a play:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/obituary-helene-hanff-1267169.html

But don't read this book.

This book is an atrocity that may just signal the end times. It brings the kind of pain that Anastasia Steele would flee with screams of genuine terror.

I bought this book because I was excited to see what I assumed was an actual biography of a writer I'd fallen in love with. I finished reading it because I finish reading books I've paid for. In this case, that means I paid twice for the mistake I made purchasing this book.

For heaven's sake, don't follow my sorry example. show less

The best thing about Never on these Shores is its premise. Pastore has created an alternate history in which the fighting of World War Two expands to the shores of the USA. Japan has taken over territory on the US west coast and Germany, landing on American soil by way of Mexico, has occupied Texas and is working its way north.

At this point, I must confess that I did not finish this book. I forced myself to get a little over half-way through it, but could endure it no longer. One reason was show more the lack of adherence to facts. Yes, I understand that this is fiction and that the author created this WWII “history” from his imagination. However, the beauty of this type of alternate history story is that real facts can be seen in a new light because they are abruptly placed elsewhere. Honest research is essential for an alternate history to resonate with the reader. A couple of examples of misinformation concerning the Jews in the book: 1. A Jewish mother in New York warns her child to stay away from her friends. “…They’ll turn us all in, we’ll all be turned in and taken to the ovens…” The full disclosure of the Nazi crematoriums did not come about until after the war. This, in fact, could have made for drama in the story. The uncertainty and rumors were terrifying for the Jews of Europe. 2. A Jewish child needs comforting and asks his family to light their candle. They all agree that this will do the trick & they pull out the candle with the Star of David on it…Sorry, this just isn’t something Jews do. 3. A few chapters later, there is discussion about turning all the Jews over to the Nazis so they could ship them all off to Germany. What?? Hitler killed 6 million Jews because he did not WANT any Jews in Germany. These annoying inconsistencies go on & on.

Aside from all the historical inaccuracies, both the plot and the characters in the story are boring and flat. The action and dialogue are more suitable for a comic book than a novel. There is a great deal of hand wringing due to war and very little attempt to convey real people living real lives. I was looking forward to reading this novel. What possibilities it could have explored! What would have happened to the Japanese Americans in the internment camps? How would the American Jews have reacted to the Nazis? What about the German-American and Italian-American citizens? And most interesting to me, how would a war at home have affected the daily lives of ordinary Americans? A very interesting concept. Now I wish someone would write the novel I was hoping to read. show less

The year is 1942.

The Japanese have invaded Canada and taken over almost all of the West Coast. The Nazis traveled through Mexico and have occupied Texas. Also, the Italians were able to wage a battle from the seas in Cuba to obtain control from Florida to Atlanta.

Our troops are stuck in the European countries. The only people left that can help defend the United States are women, young men, and anyone else who were not able to join the military. As if having our enemies in control was not show more bad enough. The KKK are supporting this take over and trying to rid the United States of all the Blacks, Jews, Asians, etc. Will we once again be able to taste victory or will be have to accept defeat?

I hope all these questions and more get answered in Mr. Pastore's other books he has coming out titled Never on These Shores Volume 2: War in the Heartland (Feb 08) and Never on These Shores Volume 3: Doomsday (July 4, 08). This novel was my first by Mr. Pastore and I thought it was very well written. He did an outstanding job with Never on These Shores. From the first page Never on These Shores was packing on the heat full speed ahead and didn't let up till the end. If after reading this book you don't feel proud to be an American than something must be wrong with you (sorry to say). Never onThese Shores had my nose glued in the book reading as I couldn't put it done in order to see what happened. If you are looking for a novel that will bring you intrigue, suspense, adventure and having you cheer for the good guys than you really have to check out Never on These Shores by Stephen R. Pastore. Hopefully after reading Never on These Shores you will find yourself like I am doing wanting to check out Mr. Pastore's other two books to find out what happens next. show less

I received Never On These Shores by Stephen R. Pastore via Lisa Roe, a publicist who connects book bloggers with novels for review.

I tried to like this book. Really. I did. But the farther and farther I read, the more I came to dislike it. I had a hard time liking Lillian, a woman who lives in New York with her ex-Jewish husband, Dean, whom she cheats on. The novel is broken not not chapters but snipped from every one’s lives and the only “clips” from San Fransisco I enjoyed where the show more first two. And I don’t believe Jason and his grandfather were given their dues when they retaliated against the Italian invaders.

On the other hand, I did like the parts from Dallas. Not only were they fast paced, but they really explored Nazism in America. In once clip, the Nazi invaders have turned Fair Park into a concentration camp for blacks. And, for once, I actually understood where everything was, instead of being confused like I was about San Fransisco, since I’ve never been there.

For a book that holds so much promise, it sure was a let down. show less