Kathleen Finneran

Kathleen Finneran's brother Sean committed suicide at the age of 15. In a funny sort of way, this book is all about that incident, and yet not about it at all. This is a family memoir, or "love story" as the subtitle suggests. We see the family before and after, some roles changing wildly, some not so much. The effect Sean had on each of them, and the effect Sean's death had on each of them, are woven into a tapestry of life, that looks different at the end than the expected pattern. Ms. show more Finneran does a great job of showing the strengths and weaknesses, not only of her family, but of all of us, and it's a book that will remain with me for a long time. show less

I have never understood suicide or how a family can go on after losing a loved one in this way. Kathleen Finneran has written a beautifully poignant memoir about her younger brother Sean’s suicide at age 15 and how it impacted her and the other five members of her immediate family. She writes with candor and love about how the past is entwined with the present as she goes on living without the brother who “was here, but he left early.”

Kathleen and Sean had a special connection despite show more the difference of eight years in their ages. The first time she saw him “he looked familiar, as if I had known him a long time already.” This is also a book about the family bond filled with laughter and the underlying joy of connecting with others walking the same journey of grief. She writes about her mother trying to dust away depression and her father who jokes through his sadness even though he thinks about Sean “until I just can’t think about him any longer.”

We don’t learn until late in the book about the incident that triggered Sean’s suicide, although the depression that runs through the family was a factor. Suicide is still something I don’t understand, but the author has these thoughts about it to ponder:

“Was this how people died of depression, not suddenly but slowly? Maybe our drastic, desperate endings, our suicides, only appear to be sudden. Maybe they are merely last-minute acts that mask a slow degeneration over time, as if the very will within our cells, our instinct to live, is gradually extinguished, leaving us physically whole but hollow.” (269)

I highly recommend this book if you don’t mind reading with a lump in your throat. It’s a wonderful testament of faith in the aftermath of family tragedy and the courage it takes go on with life after loss. There are many happy memories in this book so it isn’t all gloom and doom, but for the most part, the tone fluctuates between wistfulness and an aching sadness. I count this as one of my “forever” books that touch me in ways I will never forget. show less

I found THE TENDER LAND a gorgeous and melancholic read. Finneran is deft at dream-like, associative writing that spirals around a central memory. Grief works this way, as does memory. While I occasionally wished Finneran would reach outside her small family story to bigger questions (for instance, what is it about our culture that contributes to teenage suicide? Or what role does faith play in teenage depression? Or in dealing with grief?), I still thoroughly enjoyed this memoir.

What a beautiful testimony to the love of a family - and all the emotions that family experienced as result of Kathleen's younger brother's suicide. I was so moved by her love and her ability to view the event through eyes of compassion and resilience while still being true to her own heartbreak. A mesmerizing memoir