Tristan Taormino

It has been quite a few years since we have had a new BDSM 101 book, leaving us with books that were generally written in the mid to late 90s - perfectly good and useful books but dated nonetheless. Tristan Taormino's latest book, The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge is a excellent way to break that long dry spell!

I was hooked with the introduction, but to be fair I'm generally a huge fan of Tristan's writing. This, however, is so perfectly descriptive of my show more experience in the kink community:

"That's what's so ironic about the conservative backlash against BDSMers. With increased visibility comes increased bigotry, and conservatives continue to rally against kinky events by local groups to get them shut down. What the anti-kink fanatics don't understand about us is that we're geeks. Sex nerds. SM intellectuals. We pay money to spend a weekend going to classes."

Sex nerds. Yup. That's me and most of my friends.

From there, The Ultimate Guide to Kink deviates from the norm for books on BDSM in that each chapter is written by someone who has extensive experience with the given topic. When I first heard about it, I was disappointed that the whole thing hadn't been written by Tristan, but after reading a few chapters I'm convinced this is a far better idea. Rather than one author trying to cover all the bases, this gives you not only the information but also the passion these people feel for their topics. These include plenty of the standards: impact play, bondage, cbt, role play; some upper level areas: vaginal and anal fisting, play piercing, animal play, rough sex; and a hefty helping of subjects that rarely see the light of day outside of edgier conferences: age play, well thought out submission and sadism, taboo role play, and mindfuck. I found a good solid handful of new ideas, which is rare seeing as I've read most of the BDSM 101+ books on the market.

My personal favorites were "Kinky Twisted Tantra" by Barbara Carrellas, "Submissive: A Personal Manifesto" by Madison Young, "Inside the Mind of a Sadist" by FifthAngel, and "Mindfuck" by Edge but every essay is excellent. Plus, it left me itching to go play which is what a good BDSM book should do, right? show less

So… I read this book right after suffering through "50 Shades of Grey" so some of my enthusiasm may be in response to that, but the stories in this anthology were amazing! I realized that trying to list out my favorites was a pointless task when the list became essentially the table of contents.

There is a staggering variety of people of all different genders doing extraordinarily erotic things to each other. Gender is not a crisis: some of the characters are nervous but there is no show more agonizing over coming out or horrified responses from partners. Also missing is the all-too-common fetishization of trans bodies - all you'll find here is a celebration of all bodies and the remarkable things we can do together.

This compilation does have some particularly tantalizing and unique stories. "Shoes Are Meant to Get You Somewhere" by Dean Scarborough is story of feminization filled with beautiful submissive reverence. Anyone with a religious fetish will adore "Taking the Toll" by Kiki DeLovely. "Self Reflection" by Tobi Hill Meyer gives an entirely new (and delicious) spin on "go screw yourself." If you appreciate rough, gritty, nasty sex, check out "Punching Bag" by Rachel Kramer Bussel, and I may just have to act out the scene in "From Fucktoy to Footstool" by Zev.

If you want a great change of pace from the usual erotica fare, definitely check this book out, just make sure you have lots of fresh batteries on hand! show less

If you’re a regular reader/visitor, you’ll know I don’t normally interject a lot of hyperbole into my reviews. Generally, I try to keep them well-grounded and professional, with just enough personality to add a little colour and (hopefully) make them a more interesting read. With that in mind, I beg your indulgence for just a moment, as I try to sum up Tristan Taormino’s Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica in a few words:

Absolutely amazing. Beautifully breathtaking. show more Compellingly creative. Deliciously diverse.

I could go on – after all, there are 22 letters I haven’t alliterated yet – but you get the point. On a list of my top 10 reads for the year, Tristan is looking down upon her peers from a very high perch indeed!

As she states in her introduction, this is a collection of “erotica by, for and about transfolk, FTMs, MTFs, genderqueers, gender outlaws, as well as two-spirit, intersex, and gender-variant people.” Almost immediately, you notice these are stories where gender (in all its forms) is almost taken for granted, without the ‘surprise confession’ or ‘shocking reveal’ common to mainstream erotica/porn, and without the arbitrary focus on simply passing or being acknowledged. This is a collection where trans lovers can feel intimately and comfortably at home amidst stories of being treasured, loved, desired, and adored.

Considering the wide variety of authors, genders, and subjects explored, I’m pleased to say there’s not a single story here that didn’t, on some level, resonate with me. Indeed, they are all wonderful, but there were certainly some stand-outs that I must call attention to:

"The Therapist and the Whore" by Giselle Renarde - Giselle at her romantic and thought-provoking best, turning the tables on our expectations with a kind, lovable, transsexual whore who serves as a remarkably effective bedroom therapist.

"Shoes Are Meant to Get You Somewhere" by Dean Scarborough - Plays to the clothes fetishist in me, complete with ballet slippers, stockings and garters, and a tightly laced corset, but it's also a remarkable literary dance of gender exploration.

"Taking the Toll" by Kiki DeLovely - Deliciously naughty and provocative, a tale of a young woman who is aroused by Sunday morning church bells, and her genderqueer lover who is only too happy to put her in a schoolgirl uniform and hear her confession.

"Dixie Belle" by Kate Bornstein - A gloriously genderqueer sequel to Huckleberry Finn, with young Huck settling quite contentedly into a new career as Miss Sarah Grangerford, high-class N'awlins whore. It's been years since I last read Tom Sawyer or Huckleberry Finn, but Kate recaptures the magic perfectly.

"The Visible Woman" by Rachel K. Zall - This is a story that begins with an in-your-face fantasy of public confrontation, settles into a lovely domestic scene of transsexual bliss, and ends with the lovers playing to the voyeuristic public outside their apartment window.

"Canadian Slim" by Shawna Virago - Still erotic without being overtly sexual, this is the heart-warming story of a transsexual who has tired of being the fetish/freak secret partner, and who has found love with a fellow transsexual who fits her perfectly.

"Self-Reflection" by Tobi Hill-Meyer - Trippy and bizarre, this is one I'm cautious of saying too much about, but it doesn't get much sexier or self-aware than a post-op transsexual visiting her pre-op transsexual self for a little show-and-sell.

"Face Pack" by Penelope Mansfield - This is a bold, blatantly sexual story that challenges the pornographic mainstream, claiming the bukkake experience as a visual validation of the narrator's new-found femininity. It takes an act most would seem as vulgar or degrading, and transforms it into something cleansing and rewarding.

Not only are the stories contained here erotic, imaginative, and exciting, but they are also beautifully written. As Tristan asks in her introduction, “our language is severely limited when it comes to describing the bodies of transpeople,” and there is a significant challenge in writing stories that are both erotic and respectful. Fortunately, the authors here have the words to do so, and the talent to use those words well.

I’d like to leave you with a brief passage from Rachel K. Zall’s "The Visible Woman" that sums it up better than I ever could:

A stranger looking at us now would call us “MTFs” instead of women, would name us by our genitalia—“pre-op,” “nonop”—would call us trans before they called us anything else, if they did call us anything else. A stranger would call our bodies gender ambiguous: her cock about to enter me, my clit poking out of her fist, her tiny breasts on her large rib cage and the shadow across my cheeks and chin. A stranger would say that, and that stranger would be wrong: our bodies aren’t ambiguous at all, only the meanings people misapply to them. She’s a woman and her beautiful body is a woman’s body; I am a woman and seeing how beautiful her body is makes me think my body might be beautiful too.

Take Me There indeed . . . I just hope, somewhere down the line, Tristan chooses to take us there again. show less

I found out about this book in a post by my friend Ian MacKenzie, "Love Will Be the Death of Us."

I've read a few other books on polyamory, but this one definitely feels the most useful. Taormino paints the picture that non-monogamy can be anything other than monogamy. The point is that it's outside of the box, for us do define. Through a multitude of case studies, the reader learns of numerous creative solutions people have come up with for organizing relationships in their lives. I think it show more could be useful even to the conservative reader, as it's important to realize the structures we [often subconsciously] consent to in our relationships.

I actually just came across a post that better summarizes the subject than I could, "The Coffee Break Primer on Polyamory" by Adam Powers.

Taormino wraps up the book by going in depth about safe sex, legal agreements, and child rearing. Although some readers might be tempted to skip over these more technical sections, they get into the details of how to really make a relationship work, of any sort.

I will say that I wasn't very into the writing style of this book. It felt dry and detached. I don't feel as though I got to connect with the author at all. But the information is of a quality and accessibility that I'm willing to overlook this. show less