Shari Franke

Shari Franke’s The House of My Mother is a raw and eye-opening memoir about growing up in the strict, controlling environment of the 8 Passengers YouTube family. She reveals what life was really like behind the camera—full of fear, harsh discipline, and religious extremism. Her mother, Ruby Franke, enforced extreme parenting rules, making home feel more like a prison than a place of love.

Shari’s story dives into the emotional and psychological abuse she endured, exposing how blind show more obedience was expected and questioning authority led to punishment. She shares how the Connexions parenting ideology made things worse, turning discipline into cruelty. The book paints a chilling picture of what it’s like to grow up in a family where love felt conditional and independence was crushed.

Despite the trauma, Shari’s journey is one of strength. She broke free, sought therapy, and found her voice. Her story sheds light on the dangers of extreme parenting and the dark side of family YouTube channels that exploit children.

In the end, The House of My Mother is a powerful and brave memoir about survival and healing. It’s a must-read for anyone interested in stories of breaking free from toxic families and reclaiming personal freedom. show less

Best for:
Those interested in hearing the first-hand accounts of children who grew up in the realm of ‘Mommy Blogging.’ Those interested in how someone can recover from public and private emotional abuse.

In a nutshell:
Shari Franke grew up as the eldest daughter in the ‘Eight Passengers’ YouTube channel run by her mother, Ruby Franke. Ruby is now in prison, and Shari is telling her own story.

Worth quoting:
“In this family, the only safe emotion was no emotion at all.”

Why I chose show more it:
I was vaguely aware of the Ruby Franke situation, and recently watched the Netflix documentary about it (which Shari participated in). I thought it would be good to hear the story more directly from Shari herself.

Review:
Today is a bank holiday where I live, and I had no plans, so basically other than a break for a couple of chores that required my attention, I listened to this book all day.

Shari Franke is the oldest of six children, and the daughter of Ruby and Kevin (who Shari refers to by their first names throughout, and not as ‘mom’ and ‘dad’), originally known for their very popular YouTube channel that documented the lives of the Mormon family. However, as Shari details, the camera showed a very curated version of life, with Ruby in reality serving as a cold, narcissistic parent focused on making their family look perfect.

And while I think that’s what most folks are aware of if they know about the family at all, much of the focus of Shari’s book is on the abuse that followed even more intensely when Ruby got the family involved in ‘ConnecXions,’ a cult run by Jodi Hildebrandt. Yes, the recording and posting of minor children without their informed consent is creepy (and I genuinely don’t understand the appeal of those channels), but the bizarre controlling behavior stemming from Jodi’s cult is what ultimately leads to Ruby’s downfall and the breakdown of the family.

Ruby is a cruel woman, an abusive woman, and a controlling woman. She spoke to her children and her husband in such a formal, stilted way, weaponizing therapy language and saying things like she ‘invites’ someone to leave the house or ‘invites’ someone to do work on themselves. It’s disturbing, and I can’t imagine using that language to speak with someone one allegedly loves. And I’m certain that there are many parents like Ruby, who see their children not as individuals with rights and feelings and hopes of their own, but purely as extensions of their parents who should submit to their control in all ways.

So gross.

Shari has gone through a lot, but she speaks of it with such empathy and maturity. The final chapter looks at how Shari thinks Ruby got to be where she is, and it’s not a clinical examination, but one that shows Shari has so much compassion for others. I found it especially astute when she discusses what Ruby’s life might have been like if she hadn’t been told that the only avenue available to her was being a mother.

Shari’s maturity and compassion also shown by the fact that she doesn’t name her minor siblings, and doesn’t detail what Ruby did to them, because she wants them to have the control back over their own stories. She speaks with a maturity that I cannot fathom for someone her age who has experienced what she has. And I appreciate how much she relies on her faith. I am not a Christian, and I know that (like pretty much every religion), the LDS church has some serious issues, and even in the book we learn about times when the people in the church let Shari down, but clearly she finds strength, and comfort, and support in her experience of her faith, and that seems to be what kept her going through everything. show less

College student and author Shari Franke has been on display for most of her life. Her “mommy vlogger” mother Ruby obsessively documented her family’s private moments and uploaded them to You Tube for public consumption. The Franke family of eight projected an image of Mormon parenting perfection, but behind the scenes Ruby was a monstrously self-centered woman whose “tough love“ practices masked a frozen heart. Things got even worse when Ruby teamed up with therapist turned show more self-help guru Jodi Hildebrandt. The two gained an online following as experts on motherhood, until it was revealed that the women tortured and starved Shari’s younger siblings in a notorious case of child abuse. Now Ruby and Jodi are serving time in an Utah prison, and as I write this, Shari’s memoir is at the top of the New York Times bestseller list.

Having avoided most of the press coverage of the twisted tale of Ruby and Jodi, I did not know what to expect from this book. I found it to be a thoughtful examination of the dynamics of a seriously dysfunctional family. The confessional nature of this narrative, however, makes me wonder why the author chose to expose herself to even more public scrutiny. show less

I'd been waiting to read this book since it released, and while I had to wait in a que of over 600 people to get the audiobook version from my local library, I finally got to give it a listen, and I do not regret the wait. This is one of the few books where if you can buy a copy to keep for yourself, I recommend it, as it will help the author get herself the better life she deserves, and if you can't afford to buy a copy, then politely pester your local library to get copies in stock, so the show more author can at least make money off of copies bought from libraries.

We've seen the news, we've heard the story retold on many a true crime podcast, and we've tuned into the court decision that landed both Ruby Franke and Jodi Hildebrand in prison. We may have even watched 8 Passengers ourselves, be it to hate watch and analyze their content to try pointing out abuse so YouTube could take down the channel, or because at one point, we may have thought they were a normal Mormon family... But it was *one* harrowing 911 call and a child's daring escape from abuse in the desert that allowed the young Franke children to be saved, when calls to child protective services by Shari Franke, the eldest didn't seem to do anything at all; despite her first-hand experience and knowledge of all the abuse that her mother could unleash upon those children. And Shari, though this book, in her own words, describes just how horrible it was in the house of her mother; living a life where love was conditional and where she and her siblings were props not just for the camera, but to help their own mother Ruby ascend to godhood in Mormon Heaven just by way of being a mother.

And yet despite the horrors of growing up Mormon with a mommy blogger, Shari also doesn't lose her faith. She embraces it in her own way, questioning Jodi and Ruby when she found just a little bit of strength to do so, and slowly realizing that she's a victim of emotional and religious abuse at the hands of these women while an emotionally absent father just lets it happen. Of course, to those of us who've only ever kept up with the 8 Passengers story from the outside, we already know and recognize the abuses rife within the family vlogging space - especially when that family is entrenched in fundamentalist religion; how blatant abuse is handwaved away under the guide of raising "good, righteous, god-loving children in a sinful world". We even see Shari reflect on the exact moment when 8 Passengers started coming under fire when the fact that the eldest son had been sleeping on the floor for a year, and that one of the youngest wasn't brought a lunch from home (on top of Ruby refusing to drop off a lunch for her said child, saying "it's her responsibility to pack a lunch, her teacher is just uncomfortable with her not eating and having a lunch"). The abuse going on at home was just so normalized that it slipped out like it was nothing, and thankfully the internet wasn't having it. That one slip would end up saving the children in the long run, but not without Ruby herself (heavily influenced by Jodi, literally and metaphorically seduced by the evil that Jodi brought to her home) spiraling into religious mania, isolating herself and the younger children from everyone but Jodi and committing horrid acts of abuse that could've easily resulted in the death of all the young Franke children had one not escaped and had a neighbor make that 911 call that would put an end to the madness.

Shari's story is that of a survivor who had to live through the madness, managing to get out a little earlier than the rest, though not without challenge. Unfortunately she faces many of the trademark struggles with Mormonism: her own father teaching at the very college she would attend ignoring her, being pressured into behaving a certain way in order to find a good husband, facing sexual abuse and harassment at the hands of older men in positions of power, being punished for the wrongs of others and others doing wrong onto her... It's sad, but a familiar and almost predictable tale because it's absolutely everywhere. Basically an open secret shared by every ex-Mormon who's deconstructed and every practicing Mormon who's taken their faith into their own hands, a distance away from the temples they grew up in. Knowing that Shari suffered so much even before the Franke family became mainstream news is absolutely heartbreaking, and another reason why you should absolutely buy a copy of the book if you could afford it - since it'll contribute to her healing journey and help her stay away from her horrible mother, keep that mother away from her, and ultimately help Shari navigate her adult life after the fall of 8 Passengers and the true crime saga it's become. show less