Andy Stanley

- I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. –

Struggling to find a balance between work and family is a difficult position to be in, regardless of whether you're white collar or blue collar (or even a stay at home/work at home parent), and with a husband who works third shift I was intensely interested in some help with finding the kind of balance the author speaks of in this book.

We are told, on page three, that this book "is about show more establishing priorities. A priority is something you put ahead of something else. A priority is something you say yes to even when it means saying no to other important things." The goal, then, is to not let work cheat your family by becoming a higher priority.

One part of the book I deeply appreciated was the comparison to the emotional load one feels when one feels, well, cheated, to having to hold onto a heavy rock all by oneself, as well as the idea of the exhaustion factor - the feeling as though you just can't hold on any longer to this heavy burden you've been left to carry all on your own. This doesn't have to refer simply to the ability to stay in the relationship - at least while I was reading the chapter it really hit home in a different way. There's no way I can imagine not being able to hold on to my husband, but I can relate to the exhaustion of holding on to other emotional strains and burdens while trying to make our relationship work, and just feeling like I can't take it anymore, wanting to beg my husband to find another way to prioritize and organize our life together because the load feels too heavy, like I'm carrying it on my own because of the way he works (and sleeps, because of being on third shift) makes him so unavailable when it comes to the way I need for our family to function. I guess I'm just trying to say that I understand feeling "cheated...."

Anyway, the first section of this book relates to looking into relationships that have been tested because of feeling "cheated" - the emotions and struggles of the person feeling cheated, the way it can come between people, the need to be aware of the "vital signs" of the relationship and family....And then the second section pertains to coming up with a "strategy for change" - making up your mind in terms of priorities, making a plan to try to do better, testing the plan, etc, etc.

It's a short, quick read - I read it in one sitting, though there are discussion questions in the back of the book set up so that people can read it in a four week "course." I felt that this book did well to show both sides of the coin - how difficult it is to be both the person feeling "cheated" and the person doing the "cheating", and I would recommend it to anyone striving for more balance in their life, or anyone who feels as though their spouse should.

I'll bring this review to a close with the quote I feel most sums up this book:

"Don't cheat the people who love you most. Don't cheat the person who's looking forward to spending the rest of his or her life with you. Don't cheat yourself of the peace that comes with knowing you're squarely in the will of the One who created you. Don't cheat your kids of the security that comes with knowing that they're Mommy and Daddy's priorities." (page 132) show less

http://matichuk.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/keep-family-and-work-in-balance-but-don...

This is just what I need! A self-help book written by a mega-church pastor! Originally this book was titled Choosing to Cheat because Stanley suggests you have to ‘cheat’ either work or family so you might as well go ahead and decide where your priorities are and ‘cheat’ at your job for the sake of your family. Waterbrook Multnomah wisely retitled this book for this edition to something less show more provocative. They did the same thing last year with their release of Joshua Harris’s Why Church Matters(previously titled Stop Dating the Church. Sometimes a less ‘sexy’ title goes along way towards countering misunderstandings.

I am deeply suspicious of self-help books and mega-church pastors, and doubly suspicious of mega-church pastors who write self-help books. Add to that, I am out of work. Why would I read a book about family and work? I could just read a book called When Family Collides. This would likely encapsulate my life.

Why did I read this book? While my suspicions aside sometimes mega-church pastors and self-help gurus have some good things to say and you’d be wise to listen. Andy Stanley wrote this book to address the common dynamic experienced in the modern family where commitment to work competes with our being able to give proper attention to our spouse or children. He’s absolutely right. I’ve seen this dynamic in myself. I went through seminary with a full load of classes, two and sometimes three jobs at a time and sometimes, my family got the short end of the stick. A book that addresses this problem is important and has value.

Stanley writes accessibly about the need for us to ‘cheat’ by allocating our limited resource of time, towards what really matters in life (our families). In order to help ease the fears of those of us stuck in the vicious rat race of career pursuits, he describes what Daniel did in Babylon (as in the book of Daniel) when he felt his vocation (enslaved wise-man) but up against his priorities. Instead of eating at the king’s table Daniel confronted the situation with his supervisor, listened to his supervisors concerns and set up a test (10 days no meat) to show that productivity would not be adversely affected. Stanley suggests you should use the same in your workplace (address the issue with supervisor, listen to their concerns and set up a liminal test) where you can limit your hours on the job and spend more time with family. There is wisdom in this approach, but I don’t think that this adequately does justice to Daniel’s situation.

Ultimately I maintain my self-help suspicions of this book. Self help books have some value in helping you overcome problems in your self, enact better self management and grow personally; yet when self-help gets a theological overlay problems emerge. The gospel gets short-shrifted. God’s goal for your life is not that you become more balanced in your vocational and family life so that you have a more satisfying marriage and better kids. God’s purpose is to reconcile you to himself through the work of Jesus Christ. See the problem with a blending of Biblical texts (misused) to illustrate a self-help principle, even one that is sound, we turn God into a means to a better life on our terms. Sure we should be healthier and more balanced in our lives (and there is some wisdom here) but freedom doesn’t come from establishing your priorities and following through, freedom comes when we experience our life (and families) as gift from God, and are set free from the tyranny of the urgent. That is Good news!

This isn’t a total write-off of Andy Stanley. He certainly is a good communicator and an effective minister of the gospel elsewhere, but I don’t think he delivers the goods here. It is an easy read and may be helpful for some people, but it didn’t do it for me. Thank you to Waterbrook Multnomah for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for this review. show less

It's a rare occasion when I read any book about religion. The title of this one intrigued me and after seeing the author being interviewed on CNN I knew that this was going to be a great book to read.

The publisher's summary:

Is it possible to disagree politically and love unconditionally? The reaction of evangelicals to political and cultural shifts in recent years revealed what they value most. Lurking beneath our Bible-laced rhetoric, faith claims, books, and sermons is a relentless drive show more to WIN!

But the church is not here to win. By every human measure, our Savior lost. On purpose. With a purpose. And we are his body. We are not in it to win anything. We are in it for something else entirely. That something else is what this book is about.

You'll discover:

How to take a stand the right way. You'll learn how to make your case with a posture of humility and understanding, rather than being fueled by the fear of losing something.

How to view politics through the lens of faith. Learn curiously, listen intentionally, and love unconditionally.

How the life of Jesus and his teaching applies to modern-day challenges in a fresh way. The "biblical" stand may not be what we've been taught.
Jesus never asked his followers to agree on everything. But he did call his followers to obey a new command: to love others in the same way he has loved us. Instead of asserting our rights or fighting for power, we need to begin asking ourselves: what does love require of me?

The first thing I noticed about the book is the writing style. Stanley writes casually, in the way he talks. This is not a criticism but an observation. For me, though, there was an adjustment to make. I liked that he writes in the old fashioned way by giving a summary of the book first, then the body of the book and at the end a conclusion. Call me old fashioned but this is how I was taught to write. With all the digital articles I have read lately I get annoyed that the first paragraph is always repeated three or four times.

The message of the book is powerful. Alot of Christians are not going to like it because Stanley goes after every Christian who puts politics above faith. A few of the quotes that I loved include:

"When a local church becomes pre-occupied with saving America at the expense of saving Americans, it has forsaken its mission."

"The church or church leader who publicly aligns with a political party has relinquished their ability to make disciples of half their own nation, much less all nations."

"Saving America is not the mission of the church."

"When I die, I won't go the Washington, DC. Neither will you."

The above quotes give you a bite sized view of the content of the book. It is thought provoking and required reading in my book. However, many Christians will be offended that the way they have conducted their lives is heavily criticized. show less

Learning to Cheat – The Right Way
When Work and Family Collide (Keeping your job from cheating your family)

Who would have thought that Andy Stanley would be the one to encourage you to cheat. Well, not really cheat, but to figure out who you would rather cheat – your job or your family. “It's time to prioritize some things and slight others.” The working class today are stretched beyond the limit. Every part of your day is demanding time - meetings, late nights, conference calls and show more traveling away from home. Those that are dedicated to the job, may not be dedicated to their family. Even those with the best intentions of working hard “for their family” end up sacrificing more than they can afford when their family doesn't feel valued anymore.

Andy discusses real people that have been there, that have destroyed their family by choosing work over quality time at home. Executives that thought they were doing everything they could for their family, were surprised to realize their spouse and children just wanted them home for dinner. What are the warning signs that your spouse or family are feeling cheated? This book will help you find out.

Don't worry – quitting your job is not an option, nor is getting fired. Andy walks you through, step by step, to find a balance between home and work. Andy says our biggest obstacle is trusting in God. He says, “When you surrender your will to the will of the Father, He takes responsibility for the outcome of the journey.” Using the bible, Andy explains that even the mighty Daniel was caught between two parties that wanted separate things from him. Did he bend to the will of a visible king or did he trust in an invisible King - God - and stand for what he believed in? Andy has a special way of drawing you into the story, so as you're standing next to Daniel in the midst of his crisis, which gives you hope in handling your own.

In the process of teaching you how to manage your time between home and work, this book just may transform your life. It also includes a four-week discussion guide – perfect for small groups and friends to go through together.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. The opinions expressed here are my own.

Order this book from your local bookstore or www.amazon.com. show less