The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

"He said that he was frustrated by the intensity of his desire for her, and wished he could be neutered like a dog to diminish his suffering."

I don't know why I picked this up and decided to read it... I thought it'd be some outdated manual to marriage that infantilized incompetent husbands but it's worse than that. Wish I could erase this book from my memory, however, the enjoyment I got from roasting this book is on another level.

Here let me summarize the book for you so you don't waste your time: "If you're a woman, the marriage problems are your fault. It can never be a man's fault because if he does something wrong it's because you sucked as a wife." Can't believe people actually look to this woman for marriage advice.

Some more show more highlights: your husband is number 1 priority (fuck them kids), sex is a transactional act (don't forget this! otherwise you're just a nagging roommate who doesn't pay her share of rent), you have an obligation to be sexy (it's literally written in your marriage vows babe), and you need to reward your husband for doing basic household chores (but he doesn't need to reward you because that's your entire purpose for existing... anyways hopefully your husband would be willing to babysit his kids next too)

Where would Western civilization be without this women?? We'd be so lost! No, but for real...

If someone got you this book unironically, I'd recommend your next purchase to be a 100-pack of black garbage bags and some garden shears. show less

I would never have read this book if it hadn't been chosen for my book group. Even now, I can't believe I read this garbage! It should make for an interesting discussion!

The reason I gave it 1.5 stars is that she did actually make two good points (along with all the baloney).

First - your husband is not a mind-reader. Tell him what's going on. Don't expect him to guess and then be mad when he guesses wrong.

Second - if you are having trouble, talk to your husband first, then a therapist or clergyman. Don't talk to your girlfriends. Male bashing is NOT the way to solve your problems. It may relieve a little stress and help you vent, but it will backfire and cause even more hostility. Your husband deserves your loyalty.

Other than that, I show more really couldn't believe that this kind of stuff was being advocated in this day and age! For example, don't expect your husband to help with the housework. After all, you don't go to work with him and help him with his job, do you? (It's not like women have anything to do besides stay at home and clean the house, right?) And don't get too fat - you have no right to overeat. And don't ever tell your husband no. He has a right to expect sex whenever he wants it.

As I talked the book over with my husband (of 19 years, almost. We must be doing something right!) we agreed that the most annoying part of the book is that she sticks men and women in these stereotypical gender roles and just leaves it at that. Men are big, dumb, simple creatures who basically want a hot meal, a hot wife, and a pat on the back. Women are supposed to be content to keep the house clean and please their man.

And yet, I see that other women have rated this book much higher than I have. What can I say? This is NOT the kind of relationship I want. It's not the kind I want for my children. I want them to see a healthy partnership, where each partner is loved and valued as an INDIVIDUAL, not as a type, and where both partners are allowed, even encouraged, to express their feelings and desires and have them validated. Where there is a firm commitment to working together to solve problems when they come up, where neither partner is responsible for all the work in any category, but where flexibility is stressed. I DO NOT recommend this book in any circumstances. I think it perpetuates an unhealthy definition of marriage and if followed will cause a lot more problems than it resolves. show less

I actually didn't mean to read this one... I picked it up on accident (meaning to get the marriage one). Oops.

I feel sheepish. :)

That said, I was quite interested in her point about female negativity towards men... It's definitely a trend I've seen increase. But I wish her books were backed up with studies. It would really support her points.

Interesting book. Once I ignored the frequent anti-feminist rhetoric & proselytizing, I feel she had some very important points & made me re-think & question some long held beliefs I didn't even really realize I had. Any book that makes you do that is what literature is all about! I was particularly surprise by the realization that with all the talk of couples wanting & believing they have an "equal" relationship - many women take for granted their "right" for girls time, shopping spress, venting or ridiculing their spouses, while castigating their partners for daring to want or do the same things!! That alone made it a worth while read.

I read the book because I don't want to screw up marriage #2 for me and #3 for hubby. Usually, I can't stand listening to Dr. Laura - patronizing, condescending etc, but I gave her book a try. It did keep my attention and I didn't go ballistic with some of her suggestions. I never did find my situation laid-off hubby/working wife. I can't motivate my hubby. I tried some of her ideas - being affectionate - I got what do you want; Intimate - not tonight.
This might work in fairytale land but not so much in real life. I thought Dr. Laura stereotypes people and situations. She either never knew what it was like to be struggling financially or she forgot. Plus, I wonder if she lives what she preaches? There was a lot in the book about show more remember what your man was interested before you were married (music, medicine), but what about the wife? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
She did have some good points. I do believe men are often lampooned. Women and men need to respect each other. Man bashing isn't good for anyone Give him some space. I read the book with an open mind, but I think this should be catergorized as fiction. show less

Ugh I used to like Dr. Laura on the radio, but this sounds like the kind of anti-feminism written by people who think feminist = misandry. I'm surprised to find this in the pile of books given to me by a friend.

This controversial marriage and family therapist claims that every woman can achieve a deeply satisfying marriage if she adheres to certain fundamentals men require. Preparing dinner, caring for the children without complaint, greeting her husband with a kiss and engaging in sexual intimacy instead of "tearing down a husband's necessary sense of strength and importance" can result in the harmonious marriage women crave.